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What's the urgency on marriage? Is it because you want kids? You're 28, not 48. And if you were serious about dating seriously and "looking for a future husband", you never should have moved in with him.
Romance is a two way street, a man busting his hump to get you is fine and I can see a woman liking the attention but you need to throw the dude a bone.
I'm not attacking you personally, but your post came off like he worked on you for a while and you said **** it, he's ok, as you indicated that you weren't initially attracted to him.
I guess I'm just used to women being hot for me in a reciprocal manner, and I chased but it was clear they were interested in me too, I never pursued past a certain point.
Anyways, I hope he does propose and things work out well, cause life is short and you're late 20's now but tomorrow, you'll wake up and be 38.... not being snarky, just a little life wisdom that has been hitting me lately.
Best of luck to you.
I agree. It sounds like she thought she was doing him a favor and now that he is sort of in control of the situation (by not proposing) she is PISSED.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 05-23-2014 at 08:01 PM..
Thanks for taking the time to read this, I am hoping to get outside perspective on my situation.
I am a 28 year old female who is attractive, financially healthy, educated, loving, fun and kind.
I met my boyfriend 2 1/2 years ago while I was still in University. I didn't feel a spark at first but he was VERY attracted to me, was a good match (friends spoke highly of him, comes from a good family, has a great career, good with kids, etc...) and actively pursued me so I decided to give him a chance. I was very clear at the beginning that I didn't want to date for the sake of dating and I was looking for my future husband. I also expressed that I don't want to be a long term girlfriend because I have never found that attractive or desirable (I understand that it is what many people want and that's great, it's just not me.). Anyways, he understood and continued to pursue me.
Fast forward 2 1/2 years and we have progressed very well. We now live together (first time for both of us), have lots of good times and it's a comfy situation. However, I recently found out that he has NO PLANS to propose to me this year. Nothing. From a man who plans EVERYTHING and says he WANTS to marry me, this was very confusing. I brought it up and we got into a HUGE fight about it in which I almost moved out. His reason for postponing is that he wants the relationship to "stabilize", saying "A couple that's ready for marriage isn't one that will break up at the flip of a coin." However, I don't understand what else I can do but move out. I am very unhappy as a live in girlfriend (ESPECIALLY knowing he has no plans to propose this year). I don't think that I am rushing it because 3 1/2 years is a long time to date for me and I know that will be the MINIMUM.
I feel betrayed, confused and especially ... ANGRY. I keep trying to be fine with the situation and give him the time he needs but I feel angry ALL THE TIME. I only get married (hopefully) once and I don't want it to be after 4+ years of dating. I just don't and I couldn't have expressed my desire anymore clear from the beginning. So what is going on? How did this happen? If he didn't agree he should have said something! I don't want to throw away 2 1/2 years of what we've built but it is being eroded by my anger.
Wow. Getting married seems more important to you than the man himself.
If you are angry be angry at yourself, not him.
You knew before you started dating him that you did not want to be just a "long term girlfriend" and that you were dating for husband material, not just for fun.
YET, you moved in with the guy prior to any kind of proposal or plan
"How did this happen"? It happened because you allowed it to happen.
Does he actually know that 3.5 years is your limit?
And have you broken up before?
No, we haven't broken up before. Neither of us are the on & off type and we have been pretty stable (this is the only thing we fight about).
Yes, he knows I don't want to wait that long. He knows I am not happy waiting longer than today or tomorrow. But he doesn't want to hear a specific date because he wants our relationship to progress "organically".
No, we haven't broken up before. Neither of us are the on & off type and we have been pretty stable (this is the only thing we fight about).
Yes, he knows I don't want to wait that long. He knows I am not happy waiting longer than today or tomorrow. But he doesn't want to hear a specific date because he wants our relationship to progress "organically".
I happen to agree with him. A schedule is not a good basis for a marriage.
But moving in if you don't want to be a long-term GF is not a good plan. And his protests about your relationship "stabilizing" make no sense if you have not broken up a lot.
I bet he doesn't feel confident about YOUR feelings toward him.
Wow. Getting married seems more important to you than the man himself.
If you are angry be angry at yourself, not him.
You knew before you started dating him that you did not want to be just a "long term girlfriend" and that you were dating for husband material, not just for fun.
YET, you moved in with the guy prior to any kind of proposal or plan
"How did this happen"? It happened because you allowed it to happen.
I want to be able to trust the man I marry to respect my desires for not wanting to be a long term girlfriend. We mutually decided to move in together and this should have no bearing on his respect for my desires. If living together somehow devalued me in his eyes, then he is not the man for me. Our cohabitation does not give him free reign to disregard my heart.
I want to be able to trust the man I marry to respect my desires for not wanting to be a long term girlfriend. We mutually decided to move in together and this should have no bearing on his respect for my desires. If living together somehow devalued me in his eyes, then he is not the man for me. Our cohabitation does not give him free reign to disregard my heart.
Wow. Again.
Here's the reality...we are each responsible for the lives we live and the choices we make.
A mature person accepts this and plans accordingly.
You moved in with him without a proposal or a plan - that's on YOU.
Unless and until you are able to get some perspective here I would strongly support your boyfriend's opinion that you are not ready for marriage.
We've definitely heard all about your ideas and timeline, but what are his?
You seem frantic for marriage, but not for him, and that is a little off putting.
Obviously finding out that he has no plans of proposing this year has freaked you the heck out, and so what if you do end up brow beating him into proposing? How romantic. You can tell the grandkids about how you got mad and threw around ultimatums and timelines until Grandpa got down on one knee.
I haven't heard one thing about his wants and needs.
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