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Can I ask the angry men on here if you have ever gotten angry with a woman - or is this something that you are just angry at in general?
What I wonder is if these guys are just as tight in other aspects of their lives. Do they ever show up at work with doughnuts for the office? If they're invited to someone's house for a party is the first thing they ask, "what can I bring?" Do they buy a round of drinks for their friends at the bar? Or is their whole life dedicated to never spending money on anyone or being generous unless there's going to be a payoff?
Ok.
So you admit that you want it more but then are upset that you have to possibly/probably pay for it.
Got it.
It has nothing to do with who wants it more. It's just that men are still mostly the pursuers in today's dating rat race. You honestly think that a fat, ugly chick who's never felt the touch of a man doesn't want to date more than me? Do you think she has the confidence or courage to do anything about it? Let me answer that for you. No and No.
Disagreement on something doesn't necessarily mean we're angry. Be careful not to conflate these two different descriptors. Also, just because we disagree on an issue on an anonymous forum doesn't necessarily mean we're disgruntled, confused little boys IRL. Donchya think maybe that's why we come here in the first place? Just as some of ya'll can be found on different subs ranting about topics that are close to your heart, you'll find other folks ranting/venting on topics that aren't a priority for you. I'm pretty sure that, with a thorough search, I can find where most of you have had a vent/rant about some particular topic.
Calling someone angry and confused is a defense mechanism used to deflect the issue at hand when people don't like that other people disagree with them.
I didn't call you confused. And I didn't call you angry specifically. You chose to answer my post that was questioning angry men. However, you sound very angry - and you admit to venting/ranting about this on here - which would be very odd for a "not angry" person to do. I don't recall anything that I've ranted/vented about - but if I did, I was probably angry.
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It only becomes an issue when people start making broad proclamations like "Men should pay for everything". This has been said multiple times on a variety of different threads. Those are the kinds of comments that stir the pot. And then when people are called out on it, the response always seems to be the same: "Oh but I actually do split the bills". If not for these statements, then you're right; it's not a big deal.
Why is it an issue of a woman believes a man should pay for everything? Are you dating her? Did you want to date her? I don't really understand why it's an issue. As long as she's not trying to get a law passed that prohibits women from paying on dates - it's really only an issue for the men that choose to date her. Either they are okay with this and will proceed if he likes her or he's not okay with it and will not continue to date her.
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I think that's how it is most of the time IRL. These threads get blown out of proportion when folks make sweeping radical statements.
From your posts, it kind of seems like you came onto CD for this particular purpose. It's kind of confusing.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
What I wonder is if these guys are just as tight in other aspects of their lives. Do they ever show up at work with doughnuts for the office? If they're invited to someone's house for a party is the first thing they ask, "what can I bring?" Do they buy a round of drinks for their friends at the bar? Or is their whole life dedicated to never spending money on anyone or being generous unless there's going to be a payoff?
Exactly my thoughts. Not a giving / generous mentality, its a what do I get for my investment mentality.
What I wonder is if these guys are just as tight in other aspects of their lives. Do they ever show up at work with doughnuts for the office? If they're invited to someone's house for a party is the first thing they ask, "what can I bring?" Do they buy a round of drinks for their friends at the bar? Or is their whole life dedicated to never spending money on anyone or being generous unless there's going to be a payoff?
You can't make assumptions about what people are like IRL based on what they express disagreement on in a forum. People disagree about all sorts of things; that doesn't mean they don't follow through with them. Case in point: Do you love paying taxes? If not, are you a tax evader?
I happen to be extremely generous IRL. I can get dates. I have plenty of friends who appreciate me.
It has nothing to do with who wants it more. It's just that men are still mostly the pursuers in today's dating rat race. You honestly think that a fat, ugly chick who's never felt the touch of a man doesn't want to date more than me? Do you think she has the confidence or courage to do anything about it? Let me answer that for you. No and No.
You cant really compare men in general with "fat ugly chicks". Everything has to do with supply and demand. Simple economics.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
Then there'd be no dates to be had for the average male. Even fat, ugly women rarely initiate dates.
How do you know? Maybe those "fat ugly women" initiate dates all the time but get shot down the majority of the time.
Well everyone around here is obsessed with who pays when. But personally, I find, particularly in the early stages, there is a different challenge.
So here is my problem. I aim to be open to try giving all sorts of men a chance (for dating), but we don't all make the same amount of money of course. I am relatively well paid, but not everyone is. I only suggest or go to places in my budget, but I realize my budget might be higher than other people's budgets. And I am also opening to spending more on food and beverages (this isn't a category I like to scrimp on) for higher quality stuff.
So that being said, this can pose a bit of a problem if a potential date makes less money! I did date a guy who made less than I did, and he hinted about it early on. Basically, he chose places in his budget he could pay for. And made alternative suggestions if he wanted to pay if my place was out of budget. And then other times I would pay for things in my budget. We essentially alternated who paid when.
In other cases, we went on more free dates, and less "paid dates."
So I guess this question is mostly for women (or whoever wants to take on the "submissive*" role in the relationship). What happens if you make more? And this is becoming more and more common these days as we get closer and closer to pay equity. Lots of women are paid well these days.
*Not that women are supposed to be submissive. But there is always a "leader" in every relationship,and that person usually likes to plan and pay for outings. And I want to be inclusive. Anyway let's think of it as two roles, the planner and the goer. The planner typically pays and the goer accompanies.
Before I got married I dated a girl who made considerably less than I did, but it wasn't a problem because I was the guy and I expected to pay for everything, everytime. I can see it being an issue if the woman made more money.
If I were in your shoes, I would just take it one date at a time, if you think your date/event was more than he could afford, let him know in advance you want to pay half or whatever amount you want to pay.
Exactly my thoughts. Not a giving / generous mentality, its a what do I get for my investment mentality.
Not hot.
Yeah. Tell me how many cool dudes you take out for dinner when you have no incentive to get in their pants. Let's talk about how generous you are where there's nothing for you in the deal. You pretend you're such a cool and sensitive guy. But we all know what the end game is. Don't kid yourself (or us for that matter).
I don't know...I've known girls that look a lot like Honey Boo Boo's mom that could go out & get laid very easily.
Did they have to buy the guy dinner first?
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