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Well I did the deed. I broke up with him just now. And he revealed his true nature of being someone petty and immature. Thanks everyone for your opinions. I guess I can go hunting for a more mature and independent guy like I deserve.
OP Where do you get off telling him how to live his life? If he's happy, what is your problem? If you are going to get married, that's a different issue, but you didn't mention it. I don't understand. And what is wrong if he wants to rent, or buy a mobile home and live in a mobile home park? Does he criticize your job? Your post has the smell of a woman who wants her bf to fill all her expectations of a husband. I'd suggest if you have certain expectations, to find some other guy.
Me: graduated with master's degree, overall same interests in hobbies as bf, lived by myself (know how to do laundry, cook, etc that all adults should be able to do)
him: lives at home with parents, 30 yrs old, works construction, same hobbies (but plays WoW nonstop), hold's college degree in field unrelated to construction, depends on his parents for everything
He has money but idk how much he has actually saved up since he keeps buying things like a 3dprinter and spending money. I believe he can save money when he's really invested in something and wants to save money for it. His construction work doesn't pay that much (11-12 dollars an hour I think) and he often takes off time whenever he wants to (eg. when he wants to see the previews for World of Warcraft).
The problem i have now is that I confronted him about his future plans, more importantly when does he intend to move out from his parent's house/get a better paying job (he complains about how he doesn't want to stay in construction forever, but is currently in it since his dad got him a job there and he also works as his boss at the company). He got the job basically because of his dad.
He said he's " afraid to live alone." I told him he could get roomates and rent (although all his same aged friends are already married by now) or even get an apartment close to his own parents so he can visit them often. He said he is instead saving for a downpayment on a house (which idk how long it is going to take him since he's already 30). It's distressing since he also doesn't know how to do laundry, cook, clean, anything. He doesn't pay bills at his parents much (only pays for his health insurance), everything else is done by his parents. He also does'nt know how to dress himself since he'll go to more fancy functions (like a wedding) in worn out shirts and jeans. I've had to buy him nicer clothes like a button down shirt.
We've been in a relationship for about 3 years and I'm coming to the point where I wonder about his ability to be mature and live on his own. I don't want to be his mother!! While it's cool that he wants to save money, I'm worried when he buys a house, he'll want me to move in because then he wouldn't be "all alone" and I'd have to become his "mother" since he doesn't know how to do anything for himself. What do you all think?
I think you should read the words you wrote then tell us what YOU think.
What we think has no baring in your your life and how you want to live it.
OP Where do you get off telling him how to live his life? If he's happy, what is your problem? If you are going to get married, that's a different issue, but you didn't mention it. I don't understand. And what is wrong if he wants to rent, or buy a mobile home and live in a mobile home park? Does he criticize your job? Your post has the smell of a woman who wants her bf to fill all her expectations of a husband. I'd suggest if you have certain expectations, to find some other guy.
Just saw your last post. Good decision.
Sadly, he was thinking of marriage, even asked me what type of ring I wanted. I don't care if he wanted a mobile home or apartment or a house, I was more uncomfortable that he would not move out unless I'm the one he's with and that I felt like I would be his substitute for his parents. (i.e. do everything while he plays games).
Well the issue is dead anyways since the relationship is over.
Last edited by ambition33; 08-12-2015 at 08:53 PM..
I think that the OP isn't giving us the full story. She went out with the guy for three years knowing what he was like. Now she claims that she was trying to change him and that when she started going out with him he had probably been like this before? So what exactly brought you two together and when did you learn that your new then 27 year-old boyfriend was living at home and gaming all the time when he wasn't working part-time??? I still don't see why you expected him to live on his own to experience independence -- many people go straight from living at home to living with a partner or spouse. One has to wonder if he didn't give into your demands because he was skeptical about your own commitment to the relationship. And why at age 30 were you hanging onto this relationship?
I had a discussion with a woman friend of mine about why women pick men that are kind of dysfunctional or the bad boys, or others that are not near to what they claim they want in a man. Her explanation is that a whole lot of women seem to love a project. Maybe its the mothering aspect, they want to show what a good person they are by taking this loser/bad boy and making him into prince charming. Maybe that's source idea of the fairy tale of the woman who kisses the frog and he turns into a handsome prince?
The guy was a loser. Living at home at the age of 30 playing hours of video games with mommy doing his laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. screams of a boy trapped in a man's body. You made the right decision although it took you long enough. Let him play his video games and you can move on to someone a little more mature.
I think living at home isn't really an issue if the person conducts his/her self in an otherwise mature manner. If living home while attending college, saving up funds, etc works better for the person it's no big deal in and of itself. Throwing rent at a crappy apartment or living with annoying roommates isn't a required rite of passage. I did both those things and they sucked.
What baffles me is the parents who wait on their adult kids hand and foot. What for?
The OP's ex could have been living at home, doing his own laundry, paying bills (a modest sum for rent, fot example), and doing chores around the house and his situation (living with parents to save up for a house) would not seem so bizarre.
Maybe he likes construction work. Who knows?
In fact, I suspect that if he wasn't such a manchild, the OP would have already moved in with him.
It wasn't his living at home that was the issue. It was that he was still acting like a kid while living at home.
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Sorry to hear but I think you made the right decision. He would have either never moved out or moved out and live with you and you end up being his cleaning lady and cook.
Well I did the deed. I broke up with him just now. And he revealed his true nature of being someone petty and immature.
Good for you! Give him some diapers and tell him to pull up his little boy pants.
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What do you all think?
