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Why is he afraid to live alone? He sounds like he's a gradeschool kid afraid to go off to summer camp without mommy and daddy.
This guy has not grown up. He has no financial goals, plays video games all his spare time, has no plans to move out of his parents' house, and is deliberately making the minimum he needs to get by, because he's comfortable living like a child, earning a modest allowance to pay for his toys.
You're wasting your time with this guy. He's going nowhere fast, and he's happy about it. He's more into his "lifestyle" than he is into you, is how it looks from my perspective behind the screen.
Me: graduated with master's degree, overall same interests in hobbies as bf, lived by myself (know how to do laundry, cook, etc that all adults should be able to do)
him: lives at home with parents, 30 yrs old, works construction, same hobbies (but plays WoW nonstop), hold's college degree in field unrelated to construction, depends on his parents for everything
He has money but idk how much he has actually saved up since he keeps buying things like a 3dprinter and spending money. I believe he can save money when he's really invested in something and wants to save money for it. His construction work doesn't pay that much (11-12 dollars an hour I think) and he often takes off time whenever he wants to (eg. when he wants to see the previews for World of Warcraft).
The problem i have now is that I confronted him about his future plans, more importantly when does he intend to move out from his parent's house/get a better paying job (he complains about how he doesn't want to stay in construction forever, but is currently in it since his dad got him a job there and he also works as his boss at the company). He got the job basically because of his dad.
He said he's " afraid to live alone." I told him he could get roomates and rent (although all his same aged friends are already married by now) or even get an apartment close to his own parents so he can visit them often. He said he is instead saving for a downpayment on a house (which idk how long it is going to take him since he's already 30). It's distressing since he also doesn't know how to do laundry, cook, clean, anything. He doesn't pay bills at his parents much (only pays for his health insurance), everything else is done by his parents. He also does'nt know how to dress himself since he'll go to more fancy functions (like a wedding) in worn out shirts and jeans. I've had to buy him nicer clothes like a button down shirt.
We've been in a relationship for about 3 years and I'm coming to the point where I wonder about his ability to be mature and live on his own. I don't want to be his mother!! While it's cool that he wants to save money, I'm worried when he buys a house, he'll want me to move in because then he wouldn't be "all alone" and I'd have to become his "mother" since he doesn't know how to do anything for himself. What do you all think?
Un huh, If you were my baby, I would've took hold of your hand and never looked back, we've would have been together from the start, if I was in love with you, the choice is an easy one, I can't C how this dude prefers to wake up in the morning looking at his parents instead of you. I couldn't leave you at night no way no how. Just saying dude needs place you first. And that's that.
Potential happy relationship? I'm not sure most men are very happy after they marry and the courts have made the institution doubly burdensome because he will invariably get the blame and have to pay for it when the marriage breaks down. Sorry, but there is little incentive for men to get married nowadays.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stockyman
I find your story a bit sad. He should have let in on his future plans with one of his GFs at the time. Instead he chose the appearance of being a lazy slacker and it cost him a potential happy relationship. It's great that he lives mortgage free. But if it ended up with him being alone that would be sad imho.
Potential happy relationship? I'm not sure most men are very happy after they marry and the courts have made the institution doubly burdensome because he will invariably get the blame and have to pay for it when the marriage breaks down. Sorry, but there is little incentive for men to get married nowadays.
Why would he have to pay for it if the marriage breaks down? She works, he works, they contribute equally to the mortgage (if there is one), so they split it when it's over. What's the problem? Who are all these suckers who supposedly end up losing everything? Either they messed up royally, or they were too cheap to get a good lawyer. A lot of divorces don't even go to court. It's just about filing paperwork.
You might offer him to live with you. You don't need his "rent", so he can continue to save up. Try to make it reasonable and fun for both of you. If you do, you could marry, get children and buy a house together. If not (more likely), you'll have no problems with separating him.
You might offer him to live with you. You don't need his "rent", so he can continue to save up. Try to make it reasonable and fun for both of you. If you do, you could marry, get children and buy a house together. If not (more likely), you'll have no problems with separating him.
update - she broke up with him.
And he had no interest in living with her. Maybe she doesn't cook as good as his mom and doesn't want to do his laundry while he plays video games and complains about his low end job.
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What do you all think?
