Quote:
Originally Posted by When We Were Kings
My girlfriend (of 2 years) wants to have a child with me. I haven´t wanted to have children ever since I was a child myself. When I figured out what I wanted to do in life (I´m a documentary filmmaker) at the age of 15, and when I did my research and studying on what being a documentary Writer-Producer-Director entailed, I came to the conclusion that having a family was not for me. I am now thirty years old and I still don´t want to have kids.
This is not to say you can´t have a family if you are in the business of making documentaries. I have a lot of filmmaker friends who have families. Despite the fact working on a documentary can be hell (18 hour a day shoots in a foreign land, the pay is generally poor and that most likely, only a handful of people will see the project you spent 2 years pouring your heart out over) they are still wonderful parents.
I don´t think I can be so flexible – I´m an obsessive. When I´m working on a project, nothing else matters. I am entirely consumed by the film 24/7. If you are a family member, a friend or a lover, not seeing me for 5 months is the norm when I´m shooting or editing. With that in mind, how on earth could I be a father? I would be terrible at it.
Because of my filmmaking obsession, my relationships with women have been brief catastrophes (I´m honest with them from the beginning – I let women know my career has always been my priority). In fact, my relationship with my current girlfriend is the longest time I have been with a woman.
Filmmaking is an extremely risky business from a financial perspective; my father actually didn´t speak to me for more than a year because I chose film school instead of law or business school. It´s not like you can rely on a steady cheque at the end of the month. It is very difficult to make ends meet. In the last decade, I couldn´t make a living off documentaries alone. I have been supplementing my income with shooting wedding videos (which I hate – but they pay well at least), commercials and corporate videos.
However, 2015 was my breakthrough year. I have been in the D-League for the entirety of my career. 2015 allowed me to go into the NBA. It allowed me to move a big step up. My latest film was very well received critically and commercially. It has been absolutely wonderful as I am now getting the kind of offers and potential projects I always dreamed of. Projects I couldn´t do in the past because of $$$. I feel like this is phase 2 of my career and I sure as hell don´t want to take my foot off the pedal now. But my girlfriend (who God knows how, has tolerated me for this long) wants to have kids. And honestly, I am torn, because I have never felt this way about any other woman. But I also know my insatiable ambition and hunger to make films would not be able to co-exist with fatherhood.
I´m resigned to losing my girlfriend. We have grown further apart since we disagreed. We argue much more. But I simply will not bend. Filmmaking is my priority. Having a family isn´t. I was honest with her when we first started dating. She said she was career-oriented too and she understood. Now she is calling me selfish. Does this make me selfish?
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You clearly have thought things through and should be held up as a role model for all. My old jaded view is that 90+% of people who have kids do it for one or more of the following reasons:
1) It's what the rest of the herd do
2) Pressure from parents / other family members / spouse
3) Oooooops!
4) MY DNA is THE BEST DNA!!! It's God's gift to humanity and The Universe!
5) The Pope made me do it!
6) Allah made me do it!
7) I wanted to be like the people on TV
8) (Fill in other poorly thought out reason / urge / instinct)
Maybe a license should be required in order to have kids?
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