Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 02-04-2022, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,540 posts, read 34,891,275 times
Reputation: 73813

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
Its all over the news on just about a daily basis!
You might want to take a look at the data sometime (just for your reference: https://www.statista.com/statistics/...ers-in-the-us/). No need to delve into that rabbit hole in relationships though.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-04-2022, 01:25 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,305 posts, read 52,734,263 times
Reputation: 52798
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Interesting. How much have arrests and prosecutions dropped?
Google George Gascon and that new DA in NYC and you'll get your answers.

Arrests are happening, at least some of the time.

The real problem turns out to be prosecutors not prosecuting crimes.

You haven't seen any of these blatant smash and grabs? they do it because they know that they wont face any time.

Prop 47 and 51 here in CA reshaped a WHOLE lot of what is considered a felony and what is a misdemeanor and how they are dealt with.

This here in CA at least is widely known, and it's not right winger talking points either.

I've lived here my whole life and this is first time in life that my head is swiveling like Linda Blair when I'm walking through parking lots.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2022, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,540 posts, read 34,891,275 times
Reputation: 73813
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Google George Gascon and that new DA in NYC and you'll get your answers.

Arrests are happening, at least some of the time.

The real problem turns out to be prosecutors not prosecuting crimes.

You haven't seen any of these blatant smash and grabs? they do it because they know that they wont face any time.

Prop 47 and 51 here in CA reshaped a WHOLE lot of what is considered a felony and what is a misdemeanor and how they are dealt with.

This here in CA at least is widely known, and it's not right winger talking points either.

I've lived here my whole life and this is first time in life that my head is swiveling like Linda Blair when I'm walking through parking lots.

I wouldn't look at one area and one person's comments. Federal reporting data is online, but EXTENSIVE. I have a pretty good grasp of the hyperbole. DH is retired LEO, certified expert in more areas than I know, and an expert witness. He usually fills me in on most, and I do some research for him. That said, I'm sure there is tons of stuff he doesn't know or isn't aware of. It is a big and complicated tangle of yarn.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2022, 02:02 PM
 
27,957 posts, read 39,800,555 times
Reputation: 26197
The whole thing will be a never ending battle. History has a way of repeating itself. The dates change. The mindset, the general what happened, and the motivation behind what happened stays the same.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2022, 10:32 AM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,871,783 times
Reputation: 17886
Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
The whole thing will be a never ending battle. History has a way of repeating itself. The dates change. The mindset, the general what happened, and the motivation behind what happened stays the same.
Agreed. Insightful. It really feels like we get nowhere.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2022, 11:43 AM
 
4,382 posts, read 2,283,159 times
Reputation: 4634
Perhaps I'm a cockeyed optimist but surely there must be ways the system can be improved?


Without becoming Nazi'esque about it either or going too far the other direction. But there are just too many ways stalkers and abusers get away with what they do.


They have more recently begun taking these cases more seriously. For instance when I was dealing with a stalker a couple years ago...well I was actually afraid to go to the authorities. I was afraid they would not believe me or just brush me off.



My mother went to her local police station and asked for me. They told her I should definitely report this, that stalking cases are being taken very seriously lately (as opposed to in the past) and the authorities would definitely want to know about it.



I did and was believed and treated very respectfully by everyone I interacted with at the police station and the court. But I was very hesitant and even afraid to even report it in the first place because of knowing how victims of these types of crimes usually are not believed or not taken seriously until something serious happens, like they are actually being assaulted, kidnapped, or have been killed.


This is what I mean by a step in the right direction. Just the way victims are treated when they report harassment, stalking, or abuse. Whether misogynistic concepts/labels are automatically slapped on them. Whether the male in the situation is automatically given the benefit of the doubt just because he's male and most cops and judges are as well. Such a small change, in perception, but makes a huge difference.



Its such a small step in the right direction but can so easily backslide into the old way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2022, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,540 posts, read 34,891,275 times
Reputation: 73813
I just had to file with the sheriff's office on my stalker. I was pleasantly surprised at the response, though it helped that my husband was there . The guy showed a tendency to speak to my husband, which is irritating because I am well spoken, and not in any type of emotional state.

But I'll take it.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2022, 01:03 PM
 
4,382 posts, read 2,283,159 times
Reputation: 4634
I dont think being in an emotional state should undermine ones credibility either. Who wouldn't be in an emotional state when an unbalanced person has been following them around, harassing them, and making various threats?

I know I was terrified and the cop who took my report noticed it and told me he did, but given what I had been going through, well of course I was terrified. He didn't judge me negatively for it though.

In court too, its always nerve wracking to appear in court. I had to face the stalker after he contested the TRO. Be in the same room as him 10 feet away while he stared me down.

The judge was very sensitive to what I was dealing with and didn't let the guy try to intimidate me or my witnesses or harass me. He was protective of me. I feel like this is all new though. I don't know historically how many victims were treated as well and respectfully as I was by the system. I think its a combination of being in a more progressive time when this stuff is maybe covered in training and the people who handled my case just not being misogynistic. I think I got lucky.

But its hopeful these kinds of changes will become widespread.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2022, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,540 posts, read 34,891,275 times
Reputation: 73813
I know oodles of cops, and it mainly goes two ways if you are emotional: they will be receptive if they find you attractive (poor thing, how horrible, I'm here for you); 2) they will get irritated if they don't (if you keep crying I'll never be able to finish my paperwork). I'm probably more cynical because I would here what they would say after situations. I'm sure lots of it is just mouthing off stuff, but some they meant.

Not all. There are a lot of good cops out there, a lot of bad ones too.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2022, 01:45 PM
 
4,382 posts, read 2,283,159 times
Reputation: 4634
I am not exactly the poster child of hot chick though. If anything I presented as a bit frumpy and girl next door (if aged 40s can still even be called that). Also all these men were married.

So its not like I was showing up bearing cleavage, acrylic nails, hair extensions, fully made up and batting my eyelashes, doing some impression of a pron star in distress, or Scarlet O'Hara.

Yet they were still kind to me.

I like to think its because they have had good training and we as a society are slowly becoming less misogynistic.

But as I said perhaps I am a cockeyed optimist.

PS I did encounter cops annoyed with me too. But my case seemed to get reassigned to more sympathetic ones.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top