If your SO was very messy or an absolute slob, would that be a deal breaker for you? (date, Asian)

[jimrich]

For me it's a matter of happiness or mental comfort and I am not happy with what I consider a dirty mess no matter how sexy, cute, lively, entertaining or "exotic" the other person is. And, since working on my self esteem, I am even less inclined to tolerate a dirty mess where I live. If someone is happy being either very dirty and messy or extremely tidy and organized I say go for it but don't expect me to like or love your values just because you do. I know what helps me to be happy and "extremes" in either direction ... messy or tidy, do not work for me. I'd have to be with someone that I am happy with and is happy with me - JUST AS I AM. This does not mean that I am inflexible or stubborn nor willing to negotiate with others but I've noticed that extremists, whether messy or neat, are rarely open to negotiations and you end up living their way OR ELSE. NO THANKS. I'd rather live alone than be facing constant stress and unhappiness.

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by jimrich

For me it's a matter of happiness or mental comfort and I am not happy with what I consider a dirty mess no matter how sexy, cute, lively, entertaining or "exotic" the other person is. And, since working on my self esteem, I am even less inclined to tolerate a dirty mess where I live. If someone is happy being either very dirty and messy or extremely tidy and organized I say go for it but don't expect me to like or love your values just because you do. I know what helps me to be happy and "extremes" in either direction ... messy or tidy, do not work for me. I'd have to be with someone that I am happy with and is happy with me - JUST AS I AM. This does not mean that I am inflexible or stubborn nor willing to negotiate with others but I've noticed that extremists, whether messy or neat, are rarely open to negotiations and you end up living their way OR ELSE. NO THANKS. I'd rather live alone than be facing constant stress and unhappiness.

Note the part of your post that I've highlighted in blue and have underlined. Just as you demand that someone has to be "happy with you AS YOU ARE", so they will also demand the same OF YOU. But, you say you're willing to compromise/negotiate with such people...so, as long as that's really true, then you shouldn't have any problems with finding a woman who meets your standards of cleanliness without the OCDness that you DON'T want.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by jimrich
For me it's a matter of happiness or mental comfort and I am not happy with what I consider a dirty mess no matter how sexy, cute, lively, entertaining or "exotic" the other person is. And, since working on my self esteem, I am even less inclined to tolerate a dirty mess where I live. If someone is happy being either very dirty and messy or extremely tidy and organized I say go for it but don't expect me to like or love your values just because you do. I know what helps me to be happy and "extremes" in either direction ... messy or tidy, do not work for me. I'd have to be with someone that I am happy with and is happy with me - JUST AS I AM. This does not mean that I am inflexible or stubborn nor willing to negotiate with others but I've noticed that extremists, whether messy or neat, are rarely open to negotiations and you end up living their way OR ELSE. NO THANKS. I'd rather live alone than be facing constant stress and unhappiness.

Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17

Note the part of your post that I've highlighted in blue and have underlined. Just as you demand that someone has to be "happy with you AS YOU ARE", so they will also demand the same OF YOU.

Re: " I'd have to be with someone that I am happy with and is happy with me - JUST AS I AM." Well that is not a "demand" or I'd have written "...and has to be happy with me ...." or "...must be happy with me just as I am". It's actually an option, not a DEMAND! And yes, I'd expect the other person to want (not demand) me to be happy with them JUST AS THEY ARE. Looks like we are caught up in the Semantics Jungle of word definitions and meanings which can go anyway someone wants it to go. Oh well...............

But, you say you're willing to [Note: I did not say "compromise" so please go back and read my post more carefully! ~ jim] compromise/negotiate with such people...so, as long as that's really true, then you shouldn't have any problems with finding a woman who meets your standards of cleanliness without the OCDness that you DON'T want.

LOL, yes it's "really true" - believe it or not!
Please show me where I said anything about OCDness in my post as copied and pasted above.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by BostonTankah
How is it a red flag if someone is obsessively clean?
I grew up in squalor. Filth. Drugs and booze all around.
I am obsessed with cleanliness. I will NOT live the way i grew up. Red flag me

I'd only red flag you if you were EXTREMELY obsessive - to the point of being neurotic and unbearable.

Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17

I can understand why you'd say that, because to me, a person being very clean and tidy wouldn't be something that I'd consider to be a red flag, even if they appeared to be "obsessed" about it. Honestly, I'd rather be with a person like that than being with someone who was dirty and messy; although there are other people who wouldn't want to deal with someone who's very neat and clean because maybe they're not neat and clean themselves.

Obsessive (or neurotic) people, whether clean or dirty can make others go crazy so I'd rather not be with an obsessive/neurotic and unbearable person and least of all a neat or messy one. Give me someone who is mentally healthy!

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by reneeh63

Enjoy your own company.

Thanks. I do. It sure beats endless fights.
How's your life?

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by Metaphysique

People make their beds? Lol I think the last time I "made" my bed was, like, 20 years ago.

LOL, I'm with you there! All I want from my bed is a comfortable place to park my body, not a Macy's sales display. It's just a bed!

[stan4]

Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut

Lazy? Yeah, I can be that way, too. I just recently bought a newly built home (7 bedroom 4.5 bath) and keeping it clean can be a a all day chore, especially living alone. I'm a busy man, working upwards to 10-12 hrs and always on call 24/7. I also get up at 2am to run/exercise every morning. Cleaning house, maintaining pool and yard is the last thing I want to do, but it just has to be done.

You know, I never get the whole "can't clean bc I work a lot" thing bc if you're not there, how are you messing the place up?
Residency (80-100 hours at the hospital a week) was a very clean time for my house.

[Butterflyfish]

Like another poster mentioned, sloppiness is subjective. Personally, I keep my house "company ready", so there is no need for special cleaning marathons if I am expecting guests. Beds are made daily, as well as basic chores like keeping the counters and floors clean, and tossing paper clutter.

For me, tidying up is enjoyable and rewarding. Maybe I'm weird. My husband is clean and picks up after himself, but I do the bulk of the cleaning. 20 or 30 minutes a day is all is amounts to at most. But we have a small home with no pets or children. That makes it super easy.
When I was a single working parent, I was more relaxed about it. I had to be, lest I lose my sanity.

[stan4]

I don't like things on horizontal surfaces. It irritates me on a subconscious and conscious level. If you have knickknacks and stuff, put them in curios or bookshelves or built-ins. I don't like it when people have crap (usually it's not decorative - it's crap they haven't put away) on all their horizontal surfaces.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by usayit

Kitchen is my domain (I do most of the cooking)... she hates doing dishes.

Doing the dishes is my specialty and both of my wives did NOT do a good enough job of cleaning certain dinner items so I took over that job - WITHOUT COMPLAINT! I came to understand that I could clean the dishes, pots and pans, etc. the way I like without making my 2nd wife feel bad so I began doing the dishes ALL the time and without a fuss. If I found an item that was not clean enough for my standards, I quietly put it in the sink to be cleaned later BY ME but never said a word to my beloved and respected wife. If she mentioned the item, I just acted like there was no problem. She did not have the patience, skills or freedom from back pain to stand there and clean things as good as I could and I happily wanted to. In therapy, we both learned that being happy is way more important than being RIGHT! For me, being happy and doing the dishes my way was more pleasant than nagging her about how she failed to do the dishes so it all worked out just fine and we were very happy as a friendly, loving team.