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Doing the dishes is my specialty and both of my wives did NOT do a good enough job of cleaning certain dinner items so I took over that job - WITHOUT COMPLAINT! I came to understand that I could clean the dishes, pots and pans, etc. the way I like without making my 2nd wife feel bad so I began doing the dishes ALL the time and without a fuss. If I found an item that was not clean enough for my standards, I quietly put it in the sink to be cleaned later BY ME but never said a word to my beloved and respected wife. If she mentioned the item, I just acted like there was no problem. She did not have the patience, skills or freedom from back pain to stand there and clean things as good as I could and I happily wanted to. In therapy, we both learned that being happy is way more important than being RIGHT! For me, being happy and doing the dishes my way was more pleasant than nagging her about how she failed to do the dishes so it all worked out just fine and we were very happy as a friendly, loving team.
That is the sweetest story I've heard in awhile. *sniff, sniff*
My wife drives me crazy with her level of neatness. She will say "the house is a pit", or "the house looks like a bomb went off in it", yet our house is cleaner than everyone in the neighborhood (except her Mothers, her sisters, and her Dads house- they take neatness to a whole new level).
One iron rule that I implemented is that once 9pm comes around, I'm done cleaning. If it was up to her we'd be staying up all hours of the night nitting it up.
My mother come to mind. When we moved to the suburbs after living in relatively poor neighborhoods (I between 6-10), we visited planned housing developments. They had furnished model homes to show case the various models of homes that they were building (cookie cutter community). No one lived in them... it looked like we walked into a catalog.
Somehow that influenced my mother's expectations. She somehow got it in her head that that was a normal expected lived in home.
So she imitated what she saw and became a bit obsessive about it. I'm fine with that. What I am not fine with was when she expected everyone else in the house to live in a "catalog home". When it didn't live up to those expectations, she would project out her frustrations.
One of my childhood memories was being grounded because I used soap in the guest bathroom. Apparently, it was soap that was intended for "decoration purposes" to impress guests. The kicker is we rarely had guests over.
It was a fairly large home. Three bathrooms but I learned quickly not to use the guest one. Two living rooms but I learned really quickly not to bring toys into the one mother used for entertaining. We had two dining areas but I to learned not to bring toys/play/eat in the larger of the two Literally half of the house was off limits.
Not to mention my room... it had to be arranged just right. So the end result, I hesitated to play with many of the toys.
It wasn't practical nor reasonable... it was unnecessary stressful living in that type of environment. Which is why, for me, someone who is obsessive about being clean/orderly is a red flag for me. I still love my parents, but it was among a handful of reasons I moved away at 18. .never to return.
My mother come to mind. When we moved to the suburbs after living in relatively poor neighborhoods (I between 6-10), we visited planned housing developments. They had furnished model homes to show case the various models of homes that they were building (cookie cutter community). No one lived in them... it looked like we walked into a catalog.
Somehow that influenced my mother's expectations. She somehow got it in her head that that was a normal expected lived in home.
So she imitated what she saw and became a bit obsessive about it. I'm fine with that. What I am not fine with was when she expected everyone else in the house to live in a "catalog home". When it didn't live up to those expectations, she would project out her frustrations.
One of my childhood memories was being grounded because I used soap in the guest bathroom. Apparently, it was soap that was intended for "decoration purposes" to impress guests. The kicker is we rarely had guests over.
It was a fairly large home. Three bathrooms but I learned quickly not to use the guest one. Two living rooms but I learned really quickly not to bring toys into the one mother used for entertaining. We had two dining areas but I to learned not to bring toys/play/eat in it. Literally half of the house was off limits.
Not to mention my room... it had to be arranged just right. So the end result, I hesitated to play with them.
It wasn't practical nor reasonable... it was unnecessary stressful living in that type of environment. Which is why, for me, someone who is obsessive about being clean/orderly is a red flag for me. I still love my parents, but it was among a handful of reasons I moved away at 18. .never to return.
I know a lot of Asian families that are like that, including my relatives. We didn't believe in not using extra guess rooms, decorative towels, or having clear plastic covered couches (you know what I'm taking about, LOl) but we did have a policy of taking off shoes a the front door (that goes for anyone). My mother taught me at a very young age (5) how to cook Filipino/Hawaiian food, wash dishes (standing on a chair) sweep, vacuum, etc. And if the chores weren't done, the broom stick was on your ass, LOl.
Its funny, whenever we have non-Asian guess over they would always ask what we were cooking. Our house smells of a Asian market (fish sauce, heavy scent of garlic, etc). One time our non Asian neighbor came over asking if there was a dead dog or bird in our yard (something smells dead) I laughed and said "no, that's my mom cooking squid and octopus" LOl.
I'm a decently clean person. I like my dishes washed and my clothes without wrinkles, but my husband takes it to the extreme he's a neat freak to the max. He would clean all day if he was given the chance. I'm the total opposite I do a deep clean once a week but I'll do the chores he doesn't like, like washing dishes, laundry and vacuuming. So we compliment each other.
I could never date a super messy person. I mean the type of people who leave wet towels on the ground, trash on the ground, food out on the counters for a long time, or people with tons of dirty dishes in the sink that would be a deal breaker.
I know a lot of Asian families that are like that, including my relatives. We didn't believe in not using extra guess rooms, decorative towels, or having clear plastic covered couches (you know what I'm taking about, LOl) but we did have a policy of taking off shoes a the front door (that goes for anyone). My mother taught me at a very young age (5) how to cook Filipino/Hawaiian food, wash dishes (standing on a chair) sweep, vacuum, etc. And if the chores weren't done, the broom stick was on your ass, LOl.
Its funny, whenever we have non-Asian guess over they would always ask what we were cooking. Our house smells of a Asian market (fish sauce, heavy scent of garlic, etc). One time our non Asian neighbor came over asking if there was a dead dog or bird in our yard (something smells dead) I laughed and said "no, that's my mom cooking squid and octopus" LOl.
I worded takoyaki one time when I was young and didn't realize what it was. It was really gross to me.
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