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To amplify the point I made above, these discussions usually go south to some extent and give the impression that there's some huge gulf between men and women's overall experience, and I don't think that's true. This site in general draws a disproportionate # of men who are struggling socially. I think it's true that women are more likely to talk (write) about relationship stuff, whether it relates to their situation or not. Men not so much. It seems that the % of women here who offer far more advice than they ask for is much higher than the % of men doing the same. Men come here to figure this stuff out, and sometimes to complain or stir shyte. These type of discussions skew even more toward men who are disaffected.
So the sex breakdown on these discussions is often mostly women who are fairly comfortable in their relationship selves and who feel confident enough to offer advice, talking to men who are not so comfortable, with feelings ranging from confusion to shame to hostility. Surprisingly, the discussions are sometimes fraught.
As to the content of the discussion, it's only natural that men see in one narrow sense that women have an upper hand. Men typically approach women and this has some emotional cost for most men. At any given time, a random, moderately attractive women will be more aware of her options among men than a random, moderately attractive man will be aware of his options among women. A man, for example, may have a woman friend he's shown interest in who has kept him at a distance, not because she's not interested, but because of the friendship, or maybe another guy. The point being she likes him and she likes him that way, but she doesn't tell him that, at least not right away and perhaps never. Another guy may be pursuing a woman on line who is also considering options, and he may be the best option, but today he doesn't know that her interest is similar to his, yet she does know that. And then another man may be flirting with a woman at the gym who reads his interest loud and clear and who is is interested in him, but he's not so sure he's reading interest or friendliness from her.
So three men aren't feeling much of a sense of certainty about their options, and three women all know they have one perfectly interesting man they each find attractive hitting on them. That's scripted to make a point, but to a greater or lesser extent this sort of thing happens, and each of those women likely have other men in the course of a year showing overt and mostly wanted interest in them which they more often than not respond to with something less overt.
So even among men and women who have decent social skills the roles we play can really shape our perspectives, exaggerating differences that do exist. For men who are a little or a lot lacking in social skills, the differences look even more pronounced. I think the differences are more about point of view than substance.
I agree with you, Homina. Largely because I have had interest in women, and interest in men, and I know which scenario is more likely turn into a romantic or sexual connection. I've talked about that before. Women are not as overt or driven to pursue an agenda that way. I've laughed at how even if I feel pretty sure about mutual interest and possibility with a woman, plenty of times we'll just circle each other with playful flirtation until we get bored and stop...and nothing ever happens. I'm ok with that, but still find it amusing. Actually if anything, at times I enjoy it. I can have these light and fun flirtations and crushes without being afraid of hitting some point where either I have to put my money where my mouth is, or else hurt someone's feelings. Guys more often drive it into that wall eventually.
The other thing that kills me. These men, after leading with sex or making it a secondary convo, when you said you want something else, always seem to wonder why you do not reply back to them, with their never-ending "WYD" texts.
It's like dude you made it clear your objective is sex. You aren't bothering to ask any questions that lead me to believe you want to get to know me, and you are wondering why I am not trying to meet up with you.
Attractive needs some defining. To me it means that that I find you attractive for whatever it is I see in you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
This. Being objectively physically good looking (esp by societal standards) and being attractive are two, often very different, things.
Totally. Not everyone is into the same things. My attractive is not your attractive and vice versa. For many people, I would not be attractive. That doesn't mean some people do not find me attractive.
Well, does having men shout out their car windows count? I think it all counts. Attention is attention.
From the first post:
Quote:
For this poll, we'll define hit on or approached as a sincere compliment or being asked for your number or out on a date. Being yelled at from a car, catcalled, or leered at do not count (since that's not actually a polite interaction.) We'll leave OLD out of this as well, since the charge is that we are all approached every time we leave the house, several times a day.
Yes! We are talking about attention with intent here. Not just male attention.
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