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my son is 15 he is a very good kid am i wrong because i try to give him what i didnt have. he doesnt really clean unless i tell him is that wrong. some days my boyfriend wont say 2 word to him. should i stay with him should i go. we have been together for 10 yrs but i feel hes never going to change i really love him but ifeel like im caught in between a man thats not my husband and my son
Um excuse me but any person that puts anythign before their child doesnt need children. Chidren are impressionable and at this point your child has become the person he will be. You should have gotten rid of your BF 10 years ago!!! Its a little too late to choose now. The best you can do know is talk to your son about the mistakes you've make raising him and talking to him about not becoming you or your BF to be better.
I feel like the bottom line is this....YOUR CHILDREN COME FIRST!!!!!!!!!!! And nothing or nobody is worth more than them and their well being. Ppl who cant see that dont need children. The kids never asked to be here. Kids nowadays have too many issues to deal with already...bad enough their mom is not with their dad but now she got a man that is only interested in her?!?!?! When you have kids and seperate from the father you cant be out dating just to be dating...You need to find someone that is serious and wants to be apart of your ready made family or you need to be by yourself holding down things until that person comes along in case they never do. I dont blame the BFs because they are being themselves IDIOTS...I blames the mothers for being so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you really write or say out loud I put a man before my child but I love him....you dont know what love is and you are selfish and stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am glad not to be your children!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is why we need to make ppl get a license to have kids.
But I will say this also ppl who in relationships with ppl with kids that arent interested in being a parent to that kid need to a reality check too!! You are helping the mothers/fathers mess these kids lives up and you dont even care...how do you sleep at night? What if you was that child? How would or did you feel? that aint right Ppl need to do better by these kids. I wont date a person with kids Why because I dont want any!!!!! Its that simple...SHM
My apologies. I do usually check on initial OP dates but missed this one.
Too bad that people latch on to old posts instead of not only posting anew but latch onto old posts and don't read all the advice proffered to the OP.
With all due respect I've nothing to offer aquasia except that she should read this whole thread before bleating. Basic advice doesn't really change and there is an abundance here which applies to her situation and she would have some most viable perspectives in a heartbeat if she took the time to read before posting.
The old adage about leading a horse to water but not being able to force him or her to drink is so pertinent where forums are concerned. Cheers!
And having known numerous boyfriend/girlfriend couples, I have found that similar maturity levels almost invariably connect (no surprise, really). The OP, for example, is 27 and has a 9 year old son. That means pregnant at 18 and (statistically speaking) likely out of wedlock. That is not, being very blunt, a great sign of maturity nor is it a recipe for long-term success.
Right...and this lack of maturity means not making good choices. But the reality is that some people can turn a corner, while some can't.
So, lose this guy and start making better choices.
Right...and this lack of maturity means not making good choices. But the reality is that some people can turn a corner, while some can't.
So, lose this guy and start making better choices.
Your being so judgmental really doesn't sit well by me and in no way offers her any sort of sage advice. She has clearly indicated she is thinking very well and I do hope she'll come back here once she's made her choice and let all of those who are concerned and who have posted know that she's making moves to better her situation. If she doesn't and can't, then so be it.
Why would anyone in their right mind date someone for 10 years?? Haven't you read the book "He just isn't that into you"?
If he cared about you as a mate, he would have married you by now and he would have more respect for your child then he does.
Don't be so desperate to have a man in your life that you sell out your own kid.
Some people don't see the necessity in getting a piece of paper saying that they're a couple. Some people don't need that piece of paper to be in a committed relationship. Then again, I don't call that "dating", either.
Is he your boyfriend or your son's substitute dad? Did you let him know that substitute dad was one of the roles you expected him to play?
I'm sorry but he's your boyfriend and does not have to accept being a father figure to your son unless he wants to. He's your romantic partner not your son's father. It's his choice whether he wants to be a father figure. Forcing that relationship will do neither him or your son any good.
If what you want is a father figure for your son, then you need to go out shopping for one. Obviously, this guy has chosen not to fill that role.
Okay here is my situation. I have been dealing with this for a long time now. And I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I would also like you all to be honest and tell me if I am wrong here. My boyfriend met me when my son was 3 years old. My son is 9 years now. My son's father never really took care of him. His name isn't on my son's birth certificate. My son always wanted a male figure in his life even if I was always there for him. Then I met my boyfriend and things were okay. He (my boyfriend) is a very loving and caring person. His grandparents raised him, because his father wasn't really in his life. Although his father was there off and on. I am saying this because I would like you all to tell me if this is the reason for his behavior. I am not sure it is because I know for a fact his grandparents was there 100% and his grandfather spent quality time with him. Now my problem is that, I can't get him to spend time with my son. My son likes video games and action figures and he always has to beg my boyfriend to come play with him. It really hurts me. All my boyfriend keep saying is that, he doesn't like any of my son's games (Not one). My son got a bicycle for christmas, so I figured my boyfriend will now be able to take him outside to ride. Well, if it's raining, nothing can happen. Weekends are all about my boyfriend. He likes soccer, so he gets up in the morninig, watch soccer on tv, then eat, then play playstation until whatever time. My son is there lonely all of this time. Of course, I play my part. But he wants my boyfriend to spend time with him too and that's not happening. I speak to him about these things over and over and no change. He might do something for one day and then back to square one. Why should I have to remind him. We get home 7:30 p.m. at night everyday and I spend time with my son watching tv and so on. I've asked my boyfriend to just go to his room and sit with him, ask him how his day was and so on. But as soon as he enters the house, he goes straight to his playstation. I don't understand. I feel frustrated. It hurts me to see my son beg him all the time. It's only fair that as a result of that, I don't give my boyfriend my all. I can't give him my all until he decide to do something about that. Am I wrong? What should I do. Now my son, at the age of 9 is telling me that he has given up and he won't ask him to spend time with him anymore. It hurts. My boyfriend is always there for my son when it comes to school and so on. He will attend meetings, check his report card and so on. But spending time with my son seems to be hard for him. All he thinks about is himself and making himself happy. Well my son comes 1st and I need to get some advice on this pleaseeeee.
Maybe you should apply this much pressure and effort to your son's biological father. And dump your boyfriend if he's not living up to your expectations.
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