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Okay here is my situation. I have been dealing with this for a long time now. And I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I would also like you all to be honest and tell me if I am wrong here. My boyfriend met me when my son was 3 years old. My son is 9 years now. My son's father never really took care of him. His name isn't on my son's birth certificate. My son always wanted a male figure in his life even if I was always there for him. Then I met my boyfriend and things were okay. He (my boyfriend) is a very loving and caring person. His grandparents raised him, because his father wasn't really in his life. Although his father was there off and on. I am saying this because I would like you all to tell me if this is the reason for his behavior. I am not sure it is because I know for a fact his grandparents was there 100% and his grandfather spent quality time with him. Now my problem is that, I can't get him to spend time with my son. My son likes video games and action figures and he always has to beg my boyfriend to come play with him. It really hurts me. All my boyfriend keep saying is that, he doesn't like any of my son's games (Not one). My son got a bicycle for christmas, so I figured my boyfriend will now be able to take him outside to ride. Well, if it's raining, nothing can happen. Weekends are all about my boyfriend. He likes soccer, so he gets up in the morninig, watch soccer on tv, then eat, then play playstation until whatever time. My son is there lonely all of this time. Of course, I play my part. But he wants my boyfriend to spend time with him too and that's not happening. I speak to him about these things over and over and no change. He might do something for one day and then back to square one. Why should I have to remind him. We get home 7:30 p.m. at night everyday and I spend time with my son watching tv and so on. I've asked my boyfriend to just go to his room and sit with him, ask him how his day was and so on. But as soon as he enters the house, he goes straight to his playstation. I don't understand. I feel frustrated. It hurts me to see my son beg him all the time. It's only fair that as a result of that, I don't give my boyfriend my all. I can't give him my all until he decide to do something about that. Am I wrong? What should I do. Now my son, at the age of 9 is telling me that he has given up and he won't ask him to spend time with him anymore. It hurts. My boyfriend is always there for my son when it comes to school and so on. He will attend meetings, check his report card and so on. But spending time with my son seems to be hard for him. All he thinks about is himself and making himself happy. Well my son comes 1st and I need to get some advice on this pleaseeeee.
You are not married. You have no right to demand anything of your boyfriend. He may not like children. He may not like to play with children. He is your boyfriend, not your son's boyfriend or playmate. You should not be putting demands on his time or his emotions. Your son is none of his business. He is not his father. He has no connection to him. He is YOUR boyfriend. You should not try to make more of the relationship than what it is. You're not married.
Go back and read what she said. This guy is as much of a child as her own child is. He runs from commitment but is happy to take all the perks of a relationship without being really tied down.
She's going along with it. If she doesn't like it, she can move along. They are not married, he owes her nothing.
Okay here is my situation. I have been dealing with this for a long time now. And I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I would also like you all to be honest and tell me if I am wrong here. Yes. You are flat out wrong.
My boyfriend met me when my son was 3 years old. My son is 9 years now. My son's father never really took care of him. His name isn't on my son's birth certificate. What does it matter if his name is or isnt on the birth certificate? Show's what kind of mom you are by NOT putting his name on the certificate. It also shows how poor judgement you have by having a baby by someone who feel such disregard for.
My son always wanted a male figure in his life even if I was always there for him. Really? Are you sure he wanted a male figure in his life or was it YOU who really wanted a male figure in his life?
Then I met my boyfriend and things were okay. He (my boyfriend) is a very loving and caring person. His grandparents raised him, because his father wasn't really in his life. Although his father was there off and on. I am saying this because I would like you all to tell me if this is the reason for his behavior. No it is not reason for his "behavior" as you put it.
I am not sure it is because I know for a fact his grandparents was there 100% and his grandfather spent quality time with him. Now my problem is that, I can't get him to spend time with my son. Of course not. He is NOT your sons' father so why would he want to do fatherly things with him? Why would you want someone who is NOT your sons father to try to be his father? Sure it may be "nice" and all if he did, but dont think that there is a problem with it because there isnt.
My son likes video games and action figures and he always has to beg my boyfriend to come play with him. It really hurts me. All my boyfriend keep saying is that, he doesn't like any of my son's games (Not one). My son got a bicycle for christmas, so I figured my boyfriend will now be able to take him outside to ride. Again, you figured wrong. Why dont YOU take him outside to ride? Why are you trying to put this off on your boyfriend?
Well, if it's raining, nothing can happen. Weekends are all about my boyfriend. He likes soccer, so he gets up in the morninig, watch soccer on tv, then eat, then play playstation until whatever time. Sounds like you let your boyfriend move in with you. Another terrible idea on your part and again, shows your lack of judgement. It hurts me to see my son beg him all the time. It's only fair that as a result of that, I don't give my boyfriend my all. I can't give him my all until he decide to do something about that. Am I wrong? YES. For you to purposely withhold "your all" in a relationship with someone because he wont spend time with your child is a selfish thing to do and lets me know that you are not ready for a relationship. What should I do. Now my son, at the age of 9 is telling me that he has given up and he won't ask him to spend time with him anymore. Again, really? You're 9 year old has said to you "Mom, Ive given up"? It hurts. My boyfriend is always there for my son when it comes to school and so on. He will attend meetings, check his report card and so on. But spending time with my son seems to be hard for him. All he thinks about is himself and making himself happy. Doesnt sound like someone who "thinks about himself" to me - a non father attending school meetings, checking report card, etc.
Please see my comments above in red. OP, your serious lack of judgement is quite disturbing to me. Not only from you deciding to have a baby out of wedlock by a guy who you felt nothing for and had no respect for by not putting his name on the birth certificate, but by also expecting someone who is not the childs father, to play the role of the father.
Please see my comments above in red. OP, your serious lack of judgement is quite disturbing to me. Not only from you deciding to have a baby out of wedlock by a guy who you felt nothing for and had no respect for by not putting his name on the birth certificate, but by also expecting someone who is not the childs father, to play the role of the father.
It sounds more like she doesn't like the kind of father her boyfriend is being to her son. Plenty of biological fathers who live in the home limit their relationships with their children to the same things.
Last edited by trishguard; 04-03-2009 at 04:29 PM..
You are not married. You have no right to demand anything of your boyfriend. He may not like children. He may not like to play with children. He is your boyfriend, not your son's boyfriend or playmate. You should not be putting demands on his time or his emotions. Your son is none of his business. He is not his father. He has no connection to him. He is YOUR boyfriend. You should not try to make more of the relationship than what it is. You're not married.
The woman is a package deal. If you don't want the entire package then move on.
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