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Actually online date DID work for me(at least for lining up dates) when it first came on the scene(hence I see a ton of ex's and one and dones as soon as I log in).
And I'm 48 so from my perspective online dating IS something different as my dating experience predates online dating.
And actually I did quite well at traditional dating back in the day, but after my divorce I found the rules of engagement had changed in a way that my previous natural strengths were useless.
Examples: 1. Women always seem to travel in groups now. yes there have always been women who roamed in herds, but even back when I did well going out I avoided those types and focused on that woman sitting alone at the bar. because my strength is in 1 on 1 interaction, I excel at it but that does me no good in the modern mingling environment. as people have gotten rude over the last few decades, I remember when if a guy and gal were talking and it appeared they were hitting it off people left them the hell alone!! as they did not want to mess it up for him/her(as in the first conversation the slightest thing can ruin the flow and spoil it for the one that is more hopeful the convo will lead to something as thy path from "she is slightly interested" to "she's into me" can often be a minefield that requires focus and concentration) in gaming terms it's the level right before the boss level, especially if you don't have the cheat codes(like obvious signs of wealth or winning the genetic lottery). These day in any social gathering or place people are constantly interrupting for non emergency reasons, and you end up looking like the bad guy for finally saying to the interloper "excuse me, we are having a conversation" it's like people don't have manners anymore poor home training I guess.
2. most places where singles gather quickly become a "sausage-fest". Most meetups and such targeted at singles, you show up and it's 50-FT of penis and only a handful of women most of whom are either gravitationaly challenged or they booked a babysitter before showing up to the event. the few who seem like catches are usually their with their boyfriends(I really wish they would find couples meetups once they pair off). for awhile I tried riding groups as I figured better odds that most of the women would be in shape atleast(and I cycle every other night anyway) and again most women at those things show up with boyfriends and a few had baby trailers attached to their bikes.
As bad as OLD is at least for now it's the lesser of 3 evils.
Unless some new way I have not tried comes around I guess I'm screwed.
OLD had so much potential before it got invaded by the typical playa's and serial daters(the only problem then was the ratio being 80% male but at least then most of the women that were there REALLY wanted relationships), it's like when your favorite indy band gets popular, signed to a major label and their music gets polished, watered down, over produced and simplified to be sold to a wider audience, it's the same awful feeling.
Giving clarification to why you're having difficulty is fine, but it doesn't solve your problem. So redirecting again, to your initial comment....you're claiming the online dating pool you're looking at is not working for you. You state you can't date women that you already dated for your given reasons. You're not interest in women with kids. And you're not willing to go beyond a specific mileage parameter. So where does that leave you? I'd say pretty much nowhere so that dating source should just be crossed off the list.
As for the club suggestion, you've tried one club (biking). It didn't work out as you claim it was either women with boyfriends already or women with kids. OK, are you saying biking is the only interest you have? Find another interest.
Ultimately, if every suggestion myself and others have made to you about different venues to choose, or friends and family introducing you to people, etc. won't work out (and you can have perfectly logical reasons that you feel are justifiable as to why they won't work out), then you have your answer. You will remain single (and in your case, due to the parameters you're setting and/or reasons why you don't want to put in more of an effort, that's probably the best thing for you). You can live your life on your terms and not have to worry about finding someone that doesn't match your parameters.
To quote one of my favorite movies..."seeing through the game is not the same as winning the game". If things have changed since you last dated, you will either have to change with it, or be left behind. Not much more to say on this.
One of my good friends is struggling with online dating after the end of a 18 year marriage.
She got so frustrated and became so negative and bitter, even I can't handle her. She paid to try pretty much all pay sites you can think of and she found no one.
However, I think her high standards is a big factor. She is only interested in men way out of her league because that's what her ex husband is. But she is not 22 years old anymore. Men who are way out of her league are with money and they are very picky. My friend makes minimum wage, only has high school education, and she owes over 10,000 on credit card debt. She has kids half time too. She also insists men have to pay for everything. That's her belief from long time ago.
I think the learning curve is very steep for women who have been married a long time but have to come back to the dating world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Yep agreed 100%.
I recall a married woman that was the designated driver for a bunch of single ladies. And the horror stories that she heard about their dating lives were scary. She said,
"I'm glad I'm married so that I don' thave to deal with what they have to deal with"
I feel sorry for people who have been married 20 years to go through a divorce, and then back into the dating game again. They are totally at a lost compared to 20 years ago.
Wow, I could have written this post, you're not me...are you? lol
I live in an area that's an hour north of the big city, and yes...the same friggin faces. I actually took a year off from online dating and took another stab at a 3 mos subscription and yes, STILL some of the same faces I of the women I had already emailed, STILL on there.
They've become permanent fixtures of the online dating arena, no one is ever good enough. In a smaller town, one cannot afford to be too picky, but yet, here they are.
Like the OP says, a couple will be new in town on occasion...in my case, they move here to be closer to their ageing parents or be near their family.
I get the views, and if I do get a response I get the ol', "Thanks for the email, but I feel don't make a match" (Even though I obviously read their profile, matching hobbies, ethics, beliefs, etc....so how can we not be a match?)
I mean, at least give it a quick meet n greet, right? Seems they want their Mr. Right without even giving it some face time.
They are holding out for a Megalodon. Let them wait.
I recall a married woman that was the designated driver for a bunch of single ladies. And the horror stories that she heard about their dating lives were scary. She said,
"I'm glad I'm married so that I don' thave to deal with what they have to deal with"
I feel sorry for people who have been married 20 years to go through a divorce, and then back into the dating game again. They are totally at a lost compared to 20 years ago.
There are loads of factors that determine one's experience and success. I came out of a 10-year marriage and had no trouble navigating the dating scene and my target audience. The same for many of the men I dated.
There are loads of factors that determine one's experience and success. I came out of a 10-year marriage and had no trouble navigating the dating scene and my target audience. The same for many of the men I dated.
Giving clarification to why you're having difficulty is fine, but it doesn't solve your problem. So redirecting again, to your initial comment....you're claiming the online dating pool you're looking at is not working for you. You state you can't date women that you already dated for your given reasons. You're not interest in women with kids. And you're not willing to go beyond a specific mileage parameter. So where does that leave you? I'd say pretty much nowhere so that dating source should just be crossed off the list.
As for the club suggestion, you've tried one club (biking). It didn't work out as you claim it was either women with boyfriends already or women with kids. OK, are you saying biking is the only interest you have? Find another interest.
Ultimately, if every suggestion myself and others have made to you about different venues to choose, or friends and family introducing you to people, etc. won't work out (and you can have perfectly logical reasons that you feel are justifiable as to why they won't work out), then you have your answer. You will remain single (and in your case, due to the parameters you're setting and/or reasons why you don't want to put in more of an effort, that's probably the best thing for you). You can live your life on your terms and not have to worry about finding someone that doesn't match your parameters.
To quote one of my favorite movies..."seeing through the game is not the same as winning the game". If things have changed since you last dated, you will either have to change with it, or be left behind. Not much more to say on this.
I agree, the dude is 48 and expects kid-free women, but I find that to be very limiting. I mean, it's a BONUS if she doesn't have kids..but in his defense...some single mothers won't date men WITHOUT kids...I"m banking that he does NOT have kids, yes? Just makes sense that a man w/o children won't want to date men WITH children.
If he was in his 20s and complaining about nothing but 18 to 21 year single mothers are all over, I can see the issue. Believe me, I had a friend that lived in a community where there were simply too many single moms under the legal drinking age.
Quote:
2. most places where singles gather quickly become a "sausage-fest". Most meetups and such targeted at singles, you show up and it's 50-FT of penis and only a handful of women most of whom are either gravitationaly challenged or they booked a babysitter before showing up to the event. the few who seem like catches are usually their with their boyfriends(I really wish they would find couples meetups once they pair off). for awhile I tried riding groups as I figured better odds that most of the women would be in shape atleast(and I cycle every other night anyway) and again most women at those things show up with boyfriends and a few had baby trailers attached to their bikes.
I remember speaking to a woman I had met on a Meetup VIA Match.com. I'd seen she signed up for the site, but I recall her only attending a couple of Meetups of a group I frequented. I recall the organizer kind of playing cupid with her and a really cool guy I had gotten to know in the group. Well-dressed and nicely groomed compared to the other men. She kind of nudged her to go dance with him as she was sitting solo, like a lump.
So they danced together.
I sent her a message asking, "Hey, what brings you to match? I thought <name of organizer> did a good job matching you up, how come you're not with him?" She "LOL'd" and said, "He's a great guy, just not my type. lol" To be honest, I think it was because he was short. I think he was like 5'6"...but athletic, groomed, and sharp looking. I got to know him, really easy to talk to. So I don't get it.
In my area, the opposite is true of meetups...it's "tea party". The one I had frequented women complained it was too many women, and I was like "What am I , chopped liver? lol!"
I had asked this woman the same thing about what she thought about the meetup, she too said, "Too many women." So they get disappointed and leave...and hop on a dating site instead.
Last edited by ThisTown123; 11-27-2018 at 05:35 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
I feel sorry for people who have been married 20 years to go through a divorce, and then back into the dating game again. They are totally at a lost compared to 20 years ago.
Maybe the ones you meet. I've met a few that are like that, people that married people from undergrad, but the vast majority I've met love it. They get to pick instead of being passive and having to wait for dudes to hit on them at clubs/bars/etc.
Maybe the ones you meet. I've met a few that are like that, people that married people from undergrad, but the vast majority I've met love it. They get to pick instead of being passive and having to wait for dudes to hit on them at clubs/bars/etc.
As far as meeting women out and about in public, it appears women aren't much for being approached at a gym, grocery store or however our grand parents used to meet.
There's this "stranger danger" thing going on where women are kind of averse to a strange man trying to strike up a conversation in a grocery store line, or some random encounter. Plus, you actually have to know they are single anyway. Most women I've met in public usually had a boyfriend or husband just around the corner..
^^This^^ With OLD I get their last name, phone number and address. If they own a home I can find that out. Maybe they are lying but if you are at all computer savvy or have someone in the family who is, it's easy enough to make sure you're not going out with a felon, a married guy, etc. If I was at the grocery store and a guy approached me I would be rather hesitant to do anything more than say hello and discuss the weather. I certainly wouldn't give him my phone number.
Things have changed a lot since our parents or grandparents met. It's not as easy to meet someone especially once you're over 60 no matter how good you might look for your age.
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poor home training I guess. 
