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It's harder to find a 19-year-old girl who sticks her middle finger up for pictures because YOU are not 19 and these girls think a 50-year-old who stopped at a certain development point and wants them is creepy.
It's harder to find a girl who dresses like it's the 90s because it is not the 90s.
If you want to find a 45-plus-year-old (i.e. age appropriate) pale skinny woman who still talks about how "when you grow up your soul dies," doesn't have a financial plan for when she's retirement age (in barely a decade and a half), still dresses like it's 30 years ago, doesn't go out until night and sticks her middle finger up any time she sees a camera, go to the worst bar you can find at 1:59 AM. Just trust me on this one. You're welcome.
LOL thats why I said modern equivalent(though the modern equivalent is not that far off from the actual thing surprisingly) when I was out walking my dog last week I saw a group of young people(late teens early 20's) skateboarding on the cement slab of what used to be a Thai restaurant in the 70's, and the way they were dressed was almost identical to me and my friends 30 years ago, in fact if you zapped them back in time to a sound garden concert in 92 they would not stick out or even be noticed, which is weird because if you would have sent the 20 year old version of me and my friends to an Elvis concert in 1959 I'm sure we would have stuck out like sore thumbs.
infact the only thing that looked different than a day for me back then was that the girls were on skateboards also instead of the guys all skateboarding while the girls sat back talking to each other while watching the guys skateboard and sometimes one or 2 boyish girls shredding also and also having a girlfriend sitting back watching lol.
So that's one improvement
And I don't go after 20 year olds even though when I do go out they seem more interested in me(I don't look my age I guess)Not saying I'd rule it out, but dating that young creates just a different set of issues.
But I live in the most dense part of the the search radius, also the further someone is from you the less time you can spend with them, lets say I expanded my search radius to 50 miles, it does not seem that far, but that's an hour drive on average(thanks to the jacked up traffic here), and that is at odd hours, (I made it that distance in 29 minutes once) during peek times it can take 2 - 4 hours to travel that distance(like when the hypothetical GF is getting off work to come see me or I am driving to meet her after she gets off work). That 2-8 hours a day of just drive time that chit would get expensive over time.
Or you end up just seeing each other on the weekends and that starts to feel like a mere FWB situation.
Dude, I can tell you didn't take geometry! Meet in the middle: 30 minute drive for each person. Add weekend sleep-overs. If the relationship works one moves 50 miles.
You would have to live in New York City to have worse traffic than mine. I'm willing to drive a maximum of about an hour, although I have one platonic friend who lives 2 hours away. (I can't see her very often. It's a shared interests situation, not a romantic situation.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
It's called romantic imprinting, The first positive romantic experiences influence you views on romance(your type) your first or most negative experiences influence what you avoid.
So you had some experiences that turned you off to some types of women?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
OP, does not get it. If he hasn't by now, he probably never will.
I hope not getting it doesn't mean what I think it does.
This is like watching a building collapse in on itself......in slow motion.......
OP, does not get it. If he hasn't by now, he probably never will.
What I feel you guys don't understand is most of your suggestions I have tried at some point(as I will try most things at least once)
Most of the suggestions either involve things I not only don't enjoy but they tend to be things that cause actual stress or they require blowing large sums of money.
Going out and building a social network? well not being a social person I find that stressful and mentally exhausting.
Decorating my home, well I have put up my artwork.
expand my search grid?
I've done that and it sucked because we did not get very much time together.
singles meetup in activates I already enjoy?
still try that from time to time and it's always a sausage party.
I have even joined local fan groups on subjects and media I am into so far its been:
1. several doctor who fan groups.
2. 9 different SciFi groups.
3. a world of darkness group(the only one with a large female population but sadly a larger than average lesbian population with the lipsticks playing toreadors and the butches playing Bruja) and most of the straight ones already paired up.
4. 6 cycling groups again sausage party most women paired up.
I even tried to make my own cycling group on facebook specifically for singles in fort worth, after a 2 week period and 400 guys asked to join and only 3 women joined I ended up closing the group. That one really hurt me because I spent months setting everything up and planning routes and getting people I knew from other cycling groups to volunteer to be crossers(the guys in the reflective vests who block the intersections until all the bikes cross). and I was promoting the hell out of it.
Think of it this way, it's clear what I want in a relationship is not your cup of tea, what if my style of relationship not only became the norm, but the overwhelming majority? and what if you were constantly ridiculed for wanting no part of that? And you could vividly remember when your style of relationship was more common. would you not complain at least a little if the vast majority of people refused to date you because you had too many interests outside of them? or that it was the norm to only date 20 miles out because most people want to spent most of their free time together in relationships and it so happened that most of the people that caught your eye were over 40 miles out?
Or that having a demanding career was looked down on and you were socially forced to take a lesser demanding but much lesser paying job to be viewed as date-able.
In that world I would have sympathy for you as I have for incel's(the only ones that have it worse than me).
Think about how you would feel in that world, cause that's how I feel in this one.
What I feel you guys don't understand is most of your suggestions I have tried at some point(as I will try most things at least once)
Most of the suggestions either involve things I not only don't enjoy but they tend to be things that cause actual stress or they require blowing large sums of money.
Going out and building a social network? well not being a social person I find that stressful and mentally exhausting.
Decorating my home, well I have put up my artwork.
expand my search grid?
I've done that and it sucked because we did not get very much time together.
singles meetup in activates I already enjoy?
still try that from time to time and it's always a sausage party.
I have even joined local fan groups on subjects and media I am into so far its been:
1. several doctor who fan groups.
2. 9 different SciFi groups.
3. a world of darkness group(the only one with a large female population but sadly a larger than average lesbian population with the lipsticks playing toreadors and the butches playing Bruja) and most of the straight ones already paired up.
4. 6 cycling groups again sausage party most women paired up.
I even tried to make my own cycling group on facebook specifically for singles in fort worth, after a 2 week period and 400 guys asked to join and only 3 women joined I ended up closing the group. That one really hurt me because I spent months setting everything up and planning routes and getting people I knew from other cycling groups to volunteer to be crossers(the guys in the reflective vests who block the intersections until all the bikes cross). and I was promoting the hell out of it.
Think of it this way, it's clear what I want in a relationship is not your cup of tea, what if my style of relationship not only became the norm, but the overwhelming majority? and what if you were constantly ridiculed for wanting no part of that? And you could vividly remember when your style of relationship was more common. would you not complain at least a little if the vast majority of people refused to date you because you had too many interests outside of them? or that it was the norm to only date 20 miles out because most people want to spent most of their free time together in relationships and it so happened that most of the people that caught your eye were over 40 miles out?
Or that having a demanding career was looked down on and you were socially forced to take a lesser demanding but much lesser paying job to be viewed as date-able.
In that world I would have sympathy for you as I have for incel's(the only ones that have it worse than me).
Think about how you would feel in that world, cause that's how I feel in this one.
Please get yourself into counseling. None of us here are practicing psychologists.* Your problem is too extreme to benefit from discussing it on a relationship forum.
* No psychologist would participate in CD-R because that would be putting in a full day of work, and then going home and doing it in the eveing, for fun? That defies my logic.
I have no problem traveling an hr for a date....I have to beca use where I live it's mostly rednecks, married people and retirees.
I do see the occasional pretty single lady pop up in my area, but they are few and far between and so far have been unresponsive.
Thus my reason to cast my net wider.
However, some women think that I'm too far for THEM. Had a few in the city in question call where I live "long distance " :-P
Please get yourself into counseling. None of us here are practicing psychologists.* Your problem is too extreme to benefit from discussing it on a relationship forum.
* No psychologist would participate in CD-R because that would be putting in a full day of work, and then going home and doing it in the eveing, for fun? That defies my logic.
The OP seems to have some idealized view of the past that does not exist. People dated outside of a 20-mile radius if they lived in a geographic area that demanded it. If you live in an area with one urban core and most people work elsewhere or in an area that is spread out geographically, that happens. No one has to give up a demanding career to be dateable. Doctors and lawyers get married and have kids all the time, even though medical residents in the “good old days” had no hourly caps like they have now and attorneys still had to bill like crazy. People got married a bit younger, but not by much and most of the people having kids older are the OP’s peers.
How are you able to get their details to look them up? I would think online they wouldn't be so willing to give that up, yes?
If they are who they say they are you can look them up on Google, Facebook and where I live I can look up his property address (if he says he owns a home) on the Property Appraiser's website. I know that you can also Google their profile picture to see if it is real. Then I go to the Sheriff's website to see if he is a felon or if he has ever been accused of domestic violence, etc. If they are registered to vote there is a lot of info there also depending on where you live. I'm in Florida and if you Google my name you will get my address, phone # and political party that I am affiliated with. There is no privacy these days.
Nowadays, I would think it almost impossible to not know something about a person before meeting them. And I always meet them in a public place and take my own car. Don't leave your drink unattended either if you get up to use the restroom. I always text the guys info to a family member in case I "disappear".
If they are who they say they are you can look them up on Google, Facebook and where I live I can look up his property address (if he says he owns a home) on the Property Appraiser's website. I know that you can also Google their profile picture to see if it is real. Then I go to the Sheriff's website to see if he is a felon or if he has ever been accused of domestic violence, etc. If they are registered to vote there is a lot of info there also depending on where you live. I'm in Florida and if you Google my name you will get my address, phone # and political party that I am affiliated with. There is no privacy these days.
Nowadays, I would think it almost impossible to not know something about a person before meeting them. And I always meet them in a public place and take my own car. Don't leave your drink unattended either if you get up to use the restroom. I always text the guys info to a family member in case I "disappear".
Well, on Match.com...some times they would use their first name and that's all you need to find them on Facebook. and if you live in a small city, they sometimes pop up on the top of the search list.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
And I'm still attracted to the same types(or at-least their modern equivalents), which was mostly
Neo-hippies, grunge chicks, Stoner girls.
proto-goth(goth was not a thing yet but the sub-culture that would become goth and emo 15 or so years later was there it just did not have a name yet an Example would be the character ally sheedy played in "The breakfast club" )
.
Dude. You posted pics of ultra thin (one at least sickly so) kids.
We are about the same age. I'm 47. Grew up in the hardcore scene (mostly DC and NYHC) and some goth/industrial scene (Laibach, Front 242, to Christian Death, Dead Can Dance... Propaganda Magazine, etc).
Guess what? I was a kid. We were KIDS. Even those of us still into the music and going to shows DO NOT look and dress like this. Why the heck would we? We are adults, with careers, homes. We grew up if we had our act together, that doesn't mean we got boring, it's just not about projecting and image to others.
You are so consumed with the trappings of youth and having an unhealthy obsessively co dependent relationship... it's really concerning, at best.
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There is no privacy these days.
