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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Well, I don't know what to say. There was a time where I was very discerning about who I contacted online. By discerning, I mean checking thoroughly how well matched we are via beliefs, morals, values, interest, temperament, etc.
Just tonight, I saw a woman with a very well thought out profile and it looked like we matched in every aspect. I sent out a well thoughtout and lengthy emails noting all of them in some fashion. But I got a "thanks, but I don't think we'd make a good match"
And I'm thinking otherwise.
This is where men have become less discerning, and will pretty much email the most vanilla profiles and just scan the profile. Most of them sound a like anyway. So they just shot gun emails left and right, hoping to get a crumb of a 30-min lunch date meet n greet.
What's sad is, some of these women want in a man that they themselves can't bring to the table. It's as if they don't realize their own equal when it comes to looks. IE heavy set woman wants a guy with washboard abs. Same can be said for the fat dudes wanting the models.
And this is why you fail. You keep having it in your head that you get to decide what is right for others, or what others should do. Post after post after post you keep doing this.
And maybe you have become less discerning, not me. The great thing about OLD is it has made it easier to be much MORE discerning.
And "equal when it comes to looks"?? Good grief. Just, clueless.
And this is why you fail. You keep having it in your head that you get to decide what is right for others, or what others should do. Post after post after post you keep doing this.
Yeah, maybe I should stop.
Quote:
And maybe you have become less discerning, not me. The great thing about OLD is it has made it easier to be much MORE discerning.
Well, when I say discerning...I had usually kept an eye out , via in the descrpition, how much in common we are. However, most profiles are so vanilla (I'm looking for a guy that loves to laugh, work hard play hard, life's too short to sweat the small stuff, looking for partner in crime, etc) All that, basically people put in their profiles...the basics in who they look for, but never anything specific.
That comes out in an actual interaction with them. the deets if you will. But if it doesn't even get that far, well...that's that.
Quote:
And "equal when it comes to looks"?? Good grief. Just, clueless.
Hardly clueless, but rather imperative. Perhaps I didn't clarify enough.
Example: Fat guy wants only fitness model, Chubby gal wants only man with washboard abs (Yes, have seen women express this in their profiles) .
Basically, people want MORE out of someone than they are willing to offer up themselves...and that's unrealistic. I mean, you can TRY...but, don't have a such an expectation.
I wanted to add...that over the course of the years that these people online, they start to "update" their profile with complaints bout the people contacting them, they voice their frustrations as to the situation they put themselves in and how they can't get a normal, nice guy contacting them.
And I think "You had your shot with me and you blew it!"
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Well, when I say discerning...I had usually kept an eye out , via in the descrpition, how much in common we are. However, most profiles are so vanilla (I'm looking for a guy that loves to laugh, work hard play hard, life's too short to sweat the small stuff, looking for partner in crime, etc) All that, basically people put in their profiles...the basics in who they look for, but never anything specific..
I don't interact with such people. They are of no interest to me. Maybe that is why you are having issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Hardly clueless, but rather imperative. Perhaps I didn't clarify enough.
Example: Fat guy wants only fitness model, Chubby gal wants only man with washboard abs (Yes, have seen women express this in their profiles) .
Basically, people want MORE out of someone than they are willing to offer up themselves...and that's unrealistic. I mean, you can TRY...but, don't have a such an expectation.
Again, you're focused on they physical and people who are obsessing on the physical.
And again, you try to tell other people what they should have as an expectation. An acquaintance (a lover of a good friend, who I socialize with often enough) is a triathlete and a tough mudder and in killer shape. His partner is very curvy (robust?) and they live together. It isn't about the physical. They didn't meet over the physical. Stop focusing on people so obsessed with the physical.
Well, when I say discerning...I had usually kept an eye out , via in the descrpition, how much in common we are. However, most profiles are so vanilla (I'm looking for a guy that loves to laugh, work hard play hard, life's too short to sweat the small stuff, looking for partner in crime, etc) All that, basically people put in their profiles...the basics in who they look for, but never anything specific.
That comes out in an actual interaction with them. the deets if you will. But if it doesn't even get that far, well...that's that.
Hardly clueless, but rather imperative. Perhaps I didn't clarify enough.
Example: Fat guy wants only fitness model, Chubby gal wants only man with washboard abs (Yes, have seen women express this in their profiles) .
Basically, people want MORE out of someone than they are willing to offer up themselves...and that's unrealistic. I mean, you can TRY...but, don't have a such an expectation.
First of all, a person can want whatever they want, not for any of us to decide what's good for them. They are many so called fat guys with fitness models, hell I have three guy friends who are some big boys, and are married to very small women. And there are chubby women who are able to find in shape men to date and marry them. So basically why should they not hold out, until they get what they want? Opposites or so called opposites I should say have been attracting to each other for centuries. And what a person desires and wants is really their business. If you want someone just like you, that's fine, others may not, which is why you may be getting, we are not a match, because they may not want someone similar to them.
First of all, a person can want whatever they want, not for any of us to decide what's good for them. They are many so called fat guys with fitness models, hell I have three guy friends who are some big boys, and are married to very small women. And there are chubby women who are able to find in shape men to date and marry them. So basically why should they not hold out, until they get what they want? Opposites or so called opposites I should say have been attracting to each other for centuries. And what a person desires and wants is really their business. If you want someone just like you, that's fine, others may not, which is why you may be getting, we are not a match, because they may not want someone similar to them.
Should someone pitch in the trash whatever idea they have of what sexy looks like (if looks are even their priority) and rate everyone based on BMI and measurements, on some weird 1-10 scale and that is their assigned value and robotically boop-boop about the dating sites saying "I MUST FIND MY LOOKS MATCH. YOU MUST DATE YOUR LOOKS MATCH." That is not how humans human.
For one thing, any person who expresses criticism of how other people date, on their profile or in messages, is an immediate "HELL NO" for someone like me, and for many women. There is something that you're putting out there, that is generating "Nope" if women won't even meet you for a first date.
And the thing about the limitation of the dating pool, or not having many new fish as it were, is that if you have EVER at any point, used your dating profile presence as a place to vent frustration, or made serious mistakes in what you put out there, those same women saw it when you did it more likely than not, and haven't forgotten and never will forget. You got marked as "that guy." And lest any dude think it's fine that he's burned this and that bridge, women sometimes to talk amongst ourselves. I know at least a dozen or more of the women who are part of my city's pool of attractive ladies on OLD, and who have showed me profiles and messages of guys they were interacting with online, and we chatted about what we thought of them.
The first impression with online dating, is online. And I can tell you right now (in the spirit of a female in a position and willing to give objective opinion intended to be constructive) that I might date a man who LOOKS just like you. I might date a man who LOOKS just like Cyphorx. I know that my own standards for looks are a pretty broad spectrum. Both of you fall within it somewhere. But I would not date either one of you, not in a million years, because of how you've talked. Both of you are so fixated on the rigid parameters of the relationship type that you want, and need a woman who fits into that box, both of you are needy and demanding and any woman you just met is a stranger who feels NO compulsion to be your everything because she doesn't even know you yet. Cyphorx's whole lifestyle isn't appealing to most people, it will be a rare, rare unicorn who could even live like that. And you, ThisTown, I'd be thinking, "I'm going to end up a case study in his data set." In fact any of us here who have talked to you, I can see you going to other sites saying, "A woman I know..." When seeking a man to date, I am not preparing a speech to give as an elected representative of my gender. The sheer frequency of how you do that makes it strange. Sounding like an alien or a robot trying to understand humans by gathering little manila folder files on us.
So I have no idea if any of what we here at CD smell you guys cookin', is stuff you project into your dating lives. No idea. But whatever it is you're putting out there, seems you're fishing with the wrong bait and I guarantee it is not just your physical appearance. So the same fish are still in the local pond...and you've baited your hook with something that scared 'em all off instead of attracting them, and you're mad at the fish for that? If a starving fish won't eat a button on a string, maybe it's time to work on the bait part of the equation. I could go on all day with this analogy, guys...but let's not.
Should someone pitch in the trash whatever idea they have of what sexy looks like (if looks are even their priority) and rate everyone based on BMI and measurements, on some weird 1-10 scale and that is their assigned value and robotically boop-boop about the dating sites saying "I MUST FIND MY LOOKS MATCH. YOU MUST DATE YOUR LOOKS MATCH." That is not how humans human.
For one thing, any person who expresses criticism of how other people date, on their profile or in messages, is an immediate "HELL NO" for someone like me, and for many women. There is something that you're putting out there, that is generating "Nope" if women won't even meet you for a first date.
And the thing about the limitation of the dating pool, or not having many new fish as it were, is that if you have EVER at any point, used your dating profile presence as a place to vent frustration, or made serious mistakes in what you put out there, those same women saw it when you did it more likely than not, and haven't forgotten and never will forget. You got marked as "that guy." And lest any dude think it's fine that he's burned this and that bridge, women sometimes to talk amongst ourselves. I know at least a dozen or more of the women who are part of my city's pool of attractive ladies on OLD, and who have showed me profiles and messages of guys they were interacting with online, and we chatted about what we thought of them.
I'm not sure you got what I said, but I specifically pointed out that the longer I keep seeing a woman on a site...the more these ladies tend to make "Updates" to their profile and vent their frustrations or sometimes I'd see, "I'm giving this another try" or "third time's a charm". So they get marked as "that gal" in this case.
I never express ANY such frustration in my profile as I THINK you may be alluding to? Yes? Whatever your saying about me and Cypherox is exactly what I'm expressing about the said women.
But I've seen my share of ongoing rants in others, that's the point I was making. They don't seem to figure out what it is they are doing wrong.
I'm not sure you got what I said, but I specifically pointed out that the longer I keep seeing a woman on a site...the more these ladies tend to make "Updates" to their profile and vent their frustrations or sometimes I'd see, "I'm giving this another try" or "third time's a charm". So they get marked as "that gal" in this case.
I never express ANY such frustration in my profile as I THINK you may be alluding to? Yes?
But I've seen my share of ongoing rants in others, that's the point I was making. They don't seem to figure out what it is they are doing wrong.
Again, you are also on those sites for a long time. It can never possibly be your issue. It is always their problem, never yours? You have no idea why they haven’t found the right one on those websites because you are not those women. You keep making assumptions and have a ridiculous double standard that because they aren’t interested in YOU, they must have a problem.
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