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Yeah, I knew a 50 year old woman that had a 25 year old daughter in college, and on her 2nd marriage, her and her husband (who was 10 years younger than her) decided, by choice, to have a kid in her mid-40s. She said she simply always wanted a second child. I guess it didn't matter what age. The kid is 6 years old now.
The OP needs to get with the program. The program is that many women who have careers have kids in their late 30s or even 40s now, or people who have kids earlier may have one late. I know tons of people in both groups. It is absolutely normal for a woman who is 45 to have a kid in middle school. Many women have kids in their 30s.
This is my problem with the OP and in all similar topics. After you have ruled out 100% of everything you have NOTHING left!
Let's face the fact: All single women within 20 miles of OP are not interested in men, or he's already dated them!
Hell, he should set his MINIMUM dating distance to 20 miles! Then at least he would start meeting women he hasn't met before.
Exactly! He needs to expand his search area. When you've been "fishing" in the same pond for years with no luck, you need to try a different pond (or maybe even a lake or ocean). The OP has a lot of very specific criteria for what he wants in a woman if you include her accepting his somewhat counterculture lifestyle. That's fine if that's the kind of woman he wants to date, but that kind of woman isn't going to be the norm (let alone also single and looking in the same places he's looking).
Basically if someone has such a full and wonderful life and the are happy with or without me then I serve no purpose and they can leave at any time. I'd rather not be with someone who can casually hurt someone like that.
An age-appropriate woman with existing relationships who is happy with herself outside of her relationship with you is threatening to you?
I'm just thinking out loud here. I've dated some women throughout my years where it was just bad timing. For one reason or another we just didn't work out. I've also dated women where in hindsight I felt like I "groomed" them for their next boyfriend or husband. I dated 3 different women who the next person they dated ended up long-term with. One woman is engaged, one is married with a child, and the other decided to go lesbian.
I've had some colorful experiences dating to say the least; however, I have discovered that you have to take care of your emotional camp first. Even if that means you date very little or people you date just don't end up being long-term compatibility. I used to have so much anxiety and would have trouble sleeping or couldn't seem to get my mind off dating. I think about and still date now, but it's not this all consuming event that it once was.
I had to realize that sometimes you do just end up dating someone for a period of time. I'm thinking about one woman in particular I dated 3 years ago or so that was a good match, but just wasn't in the right place for long-term commitment. She had only been in my area a few months and I was looking for something more concrete at the time. I was living in my apartment and I was ready to pull the trigger on a house, so I was definitely leaning towards long-term monogamy at the time.
Fast forward 3 years, I ended up buying a house just by myself 2 years ago and this woman is improving herself physically, emotionally, educationally, and financially. Sometimes you just end up being the motivation to make someone take that leap to personal improvement by themselves or they finally meet that person that checks all the right boxes.
Such is life sometimes. I think many people struggle with dating consuming a large portion of their life. Which is understandable, since we do have goals and limited time when talking about child birth. Sometimes though, you may have to accept that that part of your life just isn't going to work out the way you always dreamed it or planned it. Life is a beautiful thing, but sometimes in can be downright disappointing...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
The OP needs to get with the program. The program is that many women who have careers have kids in their late 30s or even 40s now, or people who have kids earlier may have one late. I know tons of people in both groups. It is absolutely normal for a woman who is 45 to have a kid in middle school. Many women have kids in their 30s.
Many do in their 40s as well. I know plenty of mid 40s women with kids in grad school or even younger.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovehound
IMO you would do well to remove the words 'buy' and 'sell' from your dating vocabulary.
You are trying to treat interpersonal relationships like financial transactions. That simply does not compute.
Spot on. Highest bidder, etc type phrasing is a real turn off. It's not even remotely accurate as a mindset either for most people.
Many do in their 40s as well. I know plenty of mid 40s women with kids in grad school or even younger.
Spot on. Highest bidder, etc type phrasing is a real turn off. It's not even remotely accurate as a mindset either for most people.
The current climate has definitely made people more hyper aware of all phrases. I guess I don't always realize that how things phrased can be an uber turnoff. I wasn't even implying that dating is a like a buy/sell agreement. I was implying that I do want the best match for me, since I don't know that many people who are dating or talking to just one person at a time.
I'll take the suggestion to heart though. Sometimes I feel like we can't say anything without it being misconstrued.
Many do in their 40s as well. I know plenty of mid 40s women with kids in grad school or even younger.
Spot on. Highest bidder, etc type phrasing is a real turn off. It's not even remotely accurate as a mindset either for most people.
The OP is acting like it is somehow unusual that a woman would not have had ALL her kids in her early 20s. I have friends who had kids early on but who just had another baby in their late 30s/early 40s and would not be acceptable to the OP. This just points out that his expectations are unrealistic.
Yeah, he is saying he wants an unhealthily co dependent relationship... yikers.
Yes. If the woman has the means to leave, he doesn’t want her. Yet if she is materialistic, he doesn’t want her. Apparently he wants someone sufficiently broke that she needs him, but not so needy that she wants more in life than the OP’s dark man cave and barred windowed house. Younger children are a no because they are an outside interest.
I thought that I had run out of fish in my area. Ironically I moved away to a city far away and ended up meeting someone an hour from where I was originally through a mutual friend. We are still together.
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