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I actually agree with Funnyman's earlier post about you 2 getting back together. Because what the situation sounds like, imo, is that BOTH of you still have feelings for eachother. Which is understandable and its not wrong or foolish. You've had more time together than apart. You've been together almost 30 years and that's a very long time esp. if you have been with this man since you were a teen or an adult. You have children together and he is the father of them all, i assume, as you are the mother of his all. Despite what you are trying to say about not wanting to get back together as I read your comments you aren't 100% with that. Just like he totally isn't.
It seems since he cut away from you he "tried" to get rid of his feelings for you by meeting someone else. When that didn't work he then moved her in. But since now that didn't work he seems to kind of be conceding himself in a way that he still really does have feelings for you. He is avoiding "the talk" with you because really he regrets choosing to be apart from you and because he still actually wants you he is afraid you really will want to cut ties with him and he will be too hurt for that. Pride, ego, maybe a "you were right" kind of situation is something that is holding him back from talking to you.
Both of you still have something for eachother and it looks like being apart helped show that. However he has to be very honest with you so that he can stop stringing that woman along as well as you and you have to be real with him too in your feelings for him.
This is YOUR marriage and he is YOUR husband, despite what most others are saying on this board. If both of you decide to rekindle your marriage fully you are not a fool/stupid for doing so because it is your business and you made a vow before eachother, the law, other people and God. Everyone doesn't understand or know the inside and out of you and his relationship, let alone the real indepth history you have with him and we don't need to. We weren't there, even as sideline fam and friends.
Hopefully things work out very well for you guys.
Well, I did talk to one of his close friends a couple weeks ago. He was reluctant to tell me but he said that DH told him he regrets what he's done and made a big mistake. I did mention a rebound relationship to DH and he said "sounds about right". I do know he has still has feelings for me from some of the things he's told me. He's also told me he misses me and my good cooking. He's dug himself pretty deep though and I have no clue how he would get himself out of it. She sold her house 650 miles away and left her entire family to move in with him 2 months ago. I don't know who does that but OK. Btw, they went to school together and reconnected on FB. Anyhow, I know he has a big heart (which he always has) and I can't see him just kicking her to the curb. I also can't see myself going through this again if he decided it wasn't working out. This is very painful since we had been together almost 30 years and share family and friends together. Yes, we got together right out of high school and the kids are both ours. Was it easy? No it wasn't but every marriage has it's ups and downs. I stuck by him all along and never gave up on him. There are probably times that I should have left for some of the foolish stuff he did. I was actually doing pretty well until I found out about the other woman. It just hurts.
I don't know what the future holds. I have been trying to accept the fact that we won't be getting back together and he's moved on. This is part of the healing process.
Well, I did talk to one of his close friends a couple weeks ago. He was reluctant to tell me but he said that DH told him he regrets what he's done and made a big mistake. I did mention a rebound relationship to DH and he said "sounds about right". I do know he has still has feelings for me from some of the things he's told me. He's also told me he misses me and my good cooking. He's dug himself pretty deep though and I have no clue how he would get himself out of it. She sold her house 650 miles away and left her entire family to move in with him 2 months ago. I don't know who does that but OK. Btw, they went to school together and reconnected on FB. Anyhow, I know he has a big heart (which he always has) and I can't see him just kicking her to the curb. I also can't see myself going through this again if he decided it wasn't working out. This is very painful since we had been together almost 30 years and share family and friends together. Yes, we got together right out of high school and the kids are both ours. Was it easy? No it wasn't but every marriage has it's ups and downs. I stuck by him all along and never gave up on him. There are probably times that I should have left for some of the foolish stuff he did. I was actually doing pretty well until I found out about the other woman. It just hurts.
We aren't divorced yet. We separated a 1 1/2 yr ago. He made the decision.
I had a feeling he was the person that decided to "separate"
I think as others have stated, time will "separate" you two more. And I believe he is abiding by his own code to help you through this tough transition phase.
Your issue seems to stem from a desire or hope that you two will get back together. Hence the wondering as to his intentions and the continued label of DH. At minimum, if you weren't amenable to a reconciliation, you would put a halt to his chivalrous actions or something.... unless you just like the free work around the house which I wouldn't blame you
No he didn't. We actually live just over an hour apart so it does make it somewhat difficult. He usually comes over every other week. When he came over last week, he was already planning the next time to come over.
I think too much contact, you will always feel in limbo. Be cordial, and keep the contact to business. But move on and cut the every day stuff, him helping you with stuff, etc.
He's dug himself pretty deep though and I have no clue how he would get himself out of it. She sold her house 650 miles away and left her entire family to move in with him 2 months ago. I don't know who does that but OK.
Yes, that IS sad. It's also a very good reason for you to establish some boundaries. He need to do one of two things: make the new relationship work (which means less involvement with you) or extricate himself from it, which is his problem and you don't need to be brought into that drama.
Yes, that IS sad. It's also a very good reason for you to establish some boundaries. He need to do one of two things: make the new relationship work (which means less involvement with you) or extricate himself from it, which is his problem and you don't need to be brought into that drama.
I know on those game shows you pick a door or you stay with what you got.
When he chose to pick another door and it wasn’t as good or better, OH NOW he wants to go back as if he made a mistake. He misses your cooking. HA!
He has to live with his choices. Time to move on.
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I don't know who does that but OK. Btw, they went to school together and reconnected on FB. Anyhow, I know he has a big heart (which he always has) and I can't see him just kicking her to the curb. I also can't see myself going through this again if he decided it wasn't working out. This is very painful since we had been together almost 30 years and share family and friends together. Yes, we got together right out of high school and the kids are both ours. Was it easy? No it wasn't but every marriage has it's ups and downs. I stuck by him all along and never gave up on him. There are probably times that I should have left for some of the foolish stuff he did. I was actually doing pretty well until I found out about the other woman. It just hurts. 
