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Old 07-21-2019, 06:12 PM
 
550 posts, read 99,718 times
Reputation: 1100

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoCal_Native View Post
She's a liar. Get out of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQGULOxSF9U
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Old 07-21-2019, 06:13 PM
 
Location: New to Bay Area
1,206 posts, read 278,231 times
Reputation: 1096
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Doesn't sound like he's staying.

Reading the whole thread makes your replies better. He did post a long follow-up today.
Ok....he made the *right* decision! If you don't have trust, you don't have anything......
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Old 07-21-2019, 07:06 PM
 
7,597 posts, read 2,992,664 times
Reputation: 12575
I got the whole picture as soon as OP reported that “things are better on both ends”— not his and hers, but just hers. He plays no part in this problem, no explanations for how he knows she’s done 2 wrong things in 4 years, no discussion, just conclusion.

So yeah he should definitely let her go. The ex might take her back, and even “let” her chat with her old fiancé if she wants. Without laying down the law.
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Old 07-21-2019, 07:25 PM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
32,200 posts, read 36,816,104 times
Reputation: 38915
Does she have a drinking problem and hide that from you also ?
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Old 07-21-2019, 07:32 PM
 
1,234 posts, read 371,177 times
Reputation: 3888
I wonder why she feels she can't just tell you that she's helping the mother of the ex. Would you be unhappy about it? If she liked the woman before the break up, there's no reason she wouldn't still like her.

A little couples counseling might help the two of you communicate better.
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Old 07-22-2019, 07:13 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,098 posts, read 8,404,792 times
Reputation: 11624
I wouldn't be okay with a partner that went behind my back and continued to talk to an ex after we agreed they would cut ties. If something came up and his mom reached out to her for help she definitely should have let you know. From what you are saying you are level headed and wouldn't have hit the roof if she had been honest with you about it. But we're only getting your side of the story so it's hard to tell.



We can try to give you advice, but you know her not us. We can't tell you if she has lingering feelings for him or they really are just friends and she's trying to be a nice person and help his mom. Sometimes things came up in relationships and sometimes people do mess up. If the relationship is good otherwise and on the whole makes you happy, then it's worth it to try to work things out. If it's not good on the whole or the person does something you just can't get past, then it can be time to move on.



Have you guys done counseling together? Although TBH if you need to put in THIS much effort and counseling before even getting married maybe that's not the best omen for your marriage.
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Old 07-22-2019, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,971 posts, read 20,147,162 times
Reputation: 46186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
Ask her why she feels she can't tell you the truth about something pretty benign like helping someone find a new place to live. If she avoids telling you the truth because she's afraid of your reaction, that's a problem. If you are unapproachable or overly critical maybe that's why she avoids telling you things.
This. ^^^^
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Old 07-22-2019, 09:17 AM
 
7,597 posts, read 2,992,664 times
Reputation: 12575
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
This. ^^^^
Yes. I don’t see “agreement” in the story, I read orders and directions, not mutual agreement. I didn’t read anywhere about a discussion in the helping a friend move either, just assumptions that it MUST mean there’s still communication with the ex, that it should have been reported. Still no explanation of how fiancé knows her whereabouts whether she reports it or not.

BTW, one does not need to “yell and scream” for another to know when they’re mad.
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Old 07-22-2019, 09:17 AM
 
Location: USA
289 posts, read 84,625 times
Reputation: 1216
"Have you guys done counseling together? Although TBH if you need to put in THIS much effort and counseling before even getting married maybe that's not the best omen for your marriage."

My thoughts exactly.
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Old 07-22-2019, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,971 posts, read 20,147,162 times
Reputation: 46186
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Yes. I don’t see “agreement” in the story, I read orders and directions, not mutual agreement. I didn’t read anywhere about a discussion in the helping a friend move either, just assumptions that it MUST mean there’s still communication with the ex, that it should have been reported. Still no explanation of how fiancé knows her whereabouts whether she reports it or not.

BTW, one does not need to “yell and scream” for another to know when they’re mad.

I'm definitely getting some "overtones" from the OP, and he is not answering a lot of pertinent questions. With this, and the other thread, I suspect they are a poor match.
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