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One thing that I noticed when I "broke free" from this abusive relationship was that my eyes became clear and bright. In the later years I had developed a chronic dry eye condition that caused my eyes to look "broken" looking somewhat bloodshot. I did all sorts of treatments and drops and nothing seemed to work. I believe it was from the consistant state of stress and tension that my eyes became strained and the blood vessels became visible in the whites of the eyes.
I also noticed this same condition with one of my friend's her eyes looked like they were hurting and stained, then when she got out of her abusive relationship, her eyes cleared up beautifully as well. Sort of miraculous I think.
I have also seen women who were trying to lose weight, but couldn't while in their unhealthy relationship. When they broke free, the weight seemed to mealt away effortlessly.
I haven't read your links, although I've read similar things before, but what I saw in a job I used to have when I came into contact with abused women and also in one particular relationship I was in, was that abusers often start relationships with an "I'll take care of you" theme. It's very appealing to vulnerable women, especially those just getting out of abusive relationships.
There was a poster the other day who started by saying what a nice guy her husband used to be because he would run her bath. If a guy ever did that for me more than once, I'd run the other way. Why? Because children need a bath run for them, grown women don't. Once, maybe a sweet romantic gesture. More than that, no thank you. "You won't have to work--I'll take care of you." "You don't need a car--I'll drive you wherever you want to go." "Look, I bought these clothes for you." If a man acts that way toward you, run.
Some will disagree with me, but 9 times out of 10, I'll wager someone who acts like that will next be saying, "You can't work, you can't have a car and you look like a **** in those jeans."
I haven't read your links, although I've read similar things before, but what I saw in a job I used to have when I came into contact with abused women and also in one particular relationship I was in, was that abusers often start relationships with an "I'll take care of you" theme. It's very appealing to vulnerable women, especially those just getting out of abusive relationships.
There was a poster the other day who started by saying what a nice guy her husband used to be because he would run her bath. If a guy ever did that for me more than once, I'd run the other way. Why? Because children need a bath run for them, grown women don't. Once, maybe a sweet romantic gesture. More than that, no thank you. "You won't have to work--I'll take care of you." "You don't need a car--I'll drive you wherever you want to go." "Look, I bought these clothes for you." If a man acts that way toward you, run.
Some will disagree with me, but 9 times out of 10, I'll wager someone who acts like that will next be saying, "You can't work, you can't have a car and you look like a **** in those jeans."
You're absolutely right! I know somebody who escaped from a really bad physically abusive marriage with 2 children. Then she met this great savior quite younger than her, sticking with her through thick and thin, accepting her children, etc., what the fairy tales are made of.... Well, she went from the frying pan into the fire! Her current husband is not physically abusive, but just as bad. Those "savior" personalities are nothing but control freaks looking for the right victim...
A very IMPORTANT thing to remember if you have left an abusive relationship is that the victim mentality that YOU have taken on will follow you into future relationships. Until you heal it. That's why it is vital that you do not date again until you have given yourself enough time and allowed the healing process to happen.
Until you see your own part of why you attracted or tolerated the abuse, you will continue to repeat it. Until you break the abuse cycle, you will carry the cycle into other relationships whether it be with a boss, partner, another spouse, ect...
We've talked about this on other threads. But the knight in shining armor mentality has got to go! If you are looking for a rescuer, you will attract another contolling, dominating and/or abusive man. The 'victim' whether a man or a woman has to look at his or her part, which includes not pointing the finger at the abuser. Constantly looking and talking about the abuser's behavior will only delay the healing. Let them be who they are, bless them and then start living your life!
Life becomes exhilerating, rather than exhausting!
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quite younger than her, sticking with her through thick and thin, accepting her children, etc., what the fairy tales are made of.... Well, she went from the frying pan into the fire! Her current husband is not physically abusive, but just as bad. Those "savior" personalities are nothing but control freaks looking for the right victim...
