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I think that the concern he was expressing was more about Woman A having a different lifestyle in terms of spending habits. And I think that's valid. Whether you have a little or a lot, if one of you is frugal and the other loves living a life of luxury (vacation home?) it can be a disconnect. Could be a conflict in their values.
Yes that would be my concern with woman A. A woman earning $500k/yr probably doesn't change her own oil nor do her own car maintenance, probably eats out more frequently at higher end restaurants, probably doesn't shop for groceries at Aldi/Walmart, probably buys higher end clothes than I do. Unless she was supporting me I would consider that squandering money and it would drive me crazy. Heck I could end up in worse financial shape than if I just went with woman B.
Yes that would be my concern with woman A. A woman earning $500k/yr probably doesn't change her own oil nor do her own car maintenance, probably eats out more frequently at higher end restaurants, probably doesn't shop for groceries at Aldi/Walmart, probably buys higher end clothes than I do. Unless she was supporting me I would consider that squandering money and it would drive me crazy. Heck I could end up in worse financial shape than if I just went with woman B.
Heck, I make substantially (substantially!) less than $500K a year, and I do not do my own car or home maintenance and love traveling and eating in restaurants. I still live within my means, but someone who thinks that is squandering money would not be a good fit.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,024,941 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
And whatever % are bots, fakes, or scammers. Frankly I marvel that people even continue to bother with these apps, let alone consider them to be "the way it's done, and the only way it CAN be done in the modern age."
Wildly overblown. I've used different apps and websites, on an off over decades, including up to the pandemic and rarely if ever even ran into these things. I can't even recall messaging or being messaged by one. They're so easy to tell. I see woman in my feed 20 years+ younger, a bunch of photos looking very posed, has nothing in common with me, or even more telling, has nothing at all written or perhaps "ask me" or something similarily inane... well, why would I ever message them or swipe on them in the 1st place? I can tell at first sight that they're not my tribe.
And, I've had far more success (and most men and women I know have too) online than off. I can easily meet more and higher quality potential dates in one week on line than, say, of a year going to munches (or whatever) at least once a week. It's actually not very close. Do IRL connections happen? Sure, but mostly its limited to (very) short term physical connections.
Once again I bang my head when I read this forum as no one considers being in love. It's like it hasn't ever occured to most on here. Which if true, is mighty sad.
Physical attraction is usually if not always a prerequisite for romantic love. We usually end up calling the people we have good chemistry with but do not find physically attractive...friends.
If I ever wound up single again, I wouldn't date or marry someone simply because we had good chemistry. We could hang out and be dear friends and confidants, but I see no point in spending that much time with someone I have no attraction for. I have great chemistry and connection with female friends that I'd never want to date.
Wildly overblown. I've used different apps and websites, on an off over decades, including up to the pandemic and rarely if ever even ran into these things. I can't even recall messaging or being messaged by one. They're so easy to tell. I see woman in my feed 20 years+ younger, a bunch of photos looking very posed, has nothing in common with me, or even more telling, has nothing at all written or perhaps "ask me" or something similarily inane... well, why would I ever message them or swipe on them in the 1st place? I can tell at first sight that they're not my tribe.
And, I've had far more success (and most men and women I know have too) online than off. I can easily meet more and higher quality potential dates in one week on line than, say, of a year going to munches (or whatever) at least once a week. It's actually not very close. Do IRL connections happen? Sure, but mostly its limited to (very) short term physical connections.
Right, but I would put you in a category where you use the apps/internet stuff as a tool to augment a reality that you're still very connected to and engaged with.
It becomes a shortcut, like using a GPS to just guide you to a destination. Not (to perhaps strain a metaphor) a shopping app where you no longer leave the house and just try to get what all you want delivered to you. If not physically then as a fantasy, because actually taking chances and being disappointed in person is just too much.
Like if you vibe with somebody online, do you hesitate even a little to meet them in person? I doubt it.
Anyways, I just think that the proliferation of dating via apps, while some are winning and have figured it out and it facilitates their success...has also contributed to some other contingent having what seem like odd notions (to some of us) about dating and how it all works.
There's practical considerations in the 'real world'.
Sometimes the considerations aren't even practical. Everyone has superficial standards. People often think that they're not superficial because their standards aren't as stringent as others. But saying, for example, that you will date a man as short as 5'2 still makes you superficial because it means you're willing to exclude men 5'1 and shorter who you might otherwise connect with. We can be even more extreme and take it all the way down to 4'8. It doesn't make her THAT much better than a woman demanding a NBA player. More realistic, sure, but in no way morally superior.
Heck, I make substantially (substantially!) less than $500K a year, and I do not do my own car or home maintenance and love traveling and eating in restaurants. I still live within my means, but someone who thinks that is squandering money would not be a good fit.
Unless I find a woman also into frugality and FIRE (financial independent retire early) I am probably going to have to give a little on the finances. I can do that but I am definitely not going to compromise my investment goals. There is always the option of separate finances with 3 pools of money his/hers/ours for shared expenses.
I max out my 401k ($20.5k) and IRA ($6k) each year but still have enough leftover that I can increase my spending. I just put $7k into taxable brokerage because it was sitting in my checking account, plus my bonus is about $10k which I could spend and not significantly impact my financial picture. I just don't really have many material desires and don't believe in hiring people to do things I can do myself.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,024,941 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
It becomes a shortcut, like using a GPS to just guide you to a destination. Not (to perhaps strain a metaphor) a shopping app where you no longer leave the house and just try to get what all you want delivered to you. If not physically then as a fantasy, because actually taking chances and being disappointed in person is just too much.
Yeah, I guess I don't "get" this. I don't really shop online much (occasionally records I can't get locally) and don't ever build up expectations before I meet anyone, so I can't imagine being let down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Like if you vibe with somebody online, do you hesitate even a little to meet them in person? I doubt it.
.
No, of course not. It's the entire point. Generally its a handful of message, at most, and we're meeting for a drink or coffee.
These questions are hilarious. There is no AOFBE (all other factors being equal) scenarios in love. It's not an economics questions, or a sociology question. It's about chemistry, connection, and if you're far enough along, being in love, or not.
Once again I bang my head when I read this forum as no one considers being in love. It's like it hasn't ever occured to most on here. Which if true, is mighty sad.
Sometimes I think that maybe there are a lot of people on the autism spectrum, who visit the relationships forum because they're looking for a scientific formula on 'making' a relationship. Like..."If I say this in this tempo, and throw in a joke or two, will person 'A' like me? And if so, how will I know she likes me? I mean, she put her hand on my belly a couple of times, and pressed me up against a building in the dark, but how do I know she wasn't just being friendly?"
They think there's some magic recipe that will cook up a relationship...and it's just not like that. It's not a math formula.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,024,941 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
Sometimes I think that maybe there are a lot of people on the autism spectrum, who visit the relationships forum because they're looking for a scientific formula on 'making' a relationship. Like..."If I say this in this tempo, and throw in a joke or two, will person 'A' like me? And if so, how will I know she likes me? I mean, she put her hand on my belly a couple of times, and pressed me up against a building in the dark, but how do I know she wasn't just being friendly?"
They think there's some magic recipe that will cook up a relationship...and it's just not like that. It's not a math formula.
I don't think "maybe", I think you're spot on. They want a map to follow, and a rule book. There isn't one for dating, or finding relationships. Egads. Can you imagine having sex with someone that has read a playbook for it? *shudder*
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