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Just been reading an article about the subject.
Divorce: Women who walk (http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/family/11329451.html - broken link)
Statistics show it is much more likely for the wife
to file for divorce 70% to 30% for the husband.
Why is this ?
Adultery is split 50/50 between the sexes as a
reason to file for divorce,so I know its not that.
So what is it?
Are us Men just so bad at it?
Are a Woman's expectations are just to high?
Doe's anyone here have the answer,or
can some of you ladies give us men some
advice on how to make a marriage work.
Sounds like we need it.
Men are usually less aware of a problem with the marriage!
WHY?
THEY DON'T LISTEN!
I am finding myself in the strange state of being very good friends with a lot of married women because I became a pretty good sounding board. It's kinda funny because they feel they can tell me a lot of stuff, and I don't try to fix it for them which was my very bad trait. That's what men do, they try to fix any problem a woman mentions. Now all these unhappy housewifes think I'm mr perfect marriage material and are constantly trying to introduce me to their "perfect girl for you", and here's the irony...Say I do end up likeing PGFY, they suddenly get jealous of her! LOL
My advice is force yourself to spend quality time together, if a woman doesn't want to make time to have somebody mostly listen to her, then somethings seriously wrong with the relationship..BECAUSE THEY ALL LOVE TO BE LISTENED TO!
My boyfriend's dad is an alcoholic and was very abusive verbally and physically to his family. His mom filed for divorce. She also had to file a restraining order against him. It's still in effect and they've been divorced for ten years now.
Some of it is about control. Men tend to feel very possessive about their mates, so if the relationship is falling apart, they'd rather abuse their mate than let go of her.
Then lastly, I suppose the men assume that if they file for a divorce, they will have to pay spousal support.
I filed for divorce, because if I had waited for him to file, it never would have happened. After many months of hemming and hawing, of "trying again", etc., I realized I just wanted to be free. I was done. He kept trying to get me to come back, but I couldn't do it. After we were divorced, you'd think he was the one to file - but that's not surprising, because he always did twist history to suit his own purposes.
As for splitting up stuff, we didn't have much to split up, so it wasn't an issue. I would have walked away with very little, though, if I'd had to. I'll never understand the mentality of fighting over patio furniture. The object of divorce is to be free. You can always buy more stuff!
I think it's true that the most abusive and controlling men are also the most needy. Only when a woman stands up for herself and says, "I'm leaving", do the men suddenly become clinging and needy, promising the world if only she'll stay. By that point, though, the woman is usually done, and that's it.
I'm generalizing, of course, because not all relationships are like this.
Actually it may seem that women, more than men, file. But men are hurt too, ad when someone cheats or beats you (whether its the man or the woman) should we stick around?? Maybe thats the bigger percentage of filings.
I can also understand stupid reasons not making sense though, like one who files simply because the guy doesnt flush the toilet or drinks from the carton (yes, Ive seen files like that in our office) but those are reasons I too, would question.
I think for the most part men don't really ask for alot out of a marriage. For the most part we settle into a marriage while most women feel like it should keep growing. I can't say one is right and the other is wrong but those are the facts as I see it. In my divorce the wife filed. I was willing to try to work it out while she took the attitude "I have tried this and it's not what I thought it would be and I want to move on". I think men simple get comfortable with the way things are while women get bored and really want more.
Woman's expectations Doe's anyone here have the answer,or
can some of you ladies give us men some
advice on how to make a marriage work.
Sounds like we need it.
Here's a few more suggestions...
Instead of thinking big, think small.
Instead of occasionally buying her the big box of chocolate, make dinner!
Instead of the flowers, rub her feet.
Instead of the new whatever, take out the trash BEFORE SHE ASKS YOU TO FOR THE TENTH TIME.
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