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Personally, I hate being asked out to dinner because I'd rather do most anything on a date than eat. But I know I'm in the minority on that.
No, if I was on the dating scene the last thing I would choose would be dinner out.
Frankly, I'd rather go bowling, and I'd probably have a coupon for 99 cents a game and I own my own shoes. Therefore, no matter who paid, it would be a cheap date.
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Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist
Which would be fine, if women asked men out with the same frequency. Since they don't, there is no equity there.
Besides, a smart man doesn't ask a woman out for dinner before attraction is established. Coffee? Sure. Hiking? Maybe. Dinner? That's for guys who can't attract without tacitly promising her a "lifestyle improvement."
Great. But are you obligated to do so? If so, then you get no credit for your gregariousness. See the difference? If it's expected, then it's not a gift, it's an obligation.
No one is obligated to pay somebody else's way in an equal relationship. Will they pay for each other as a favor, or to show love? Sure. But the minute one is obligated, it's no longer about relationship reciprocity.
Sure. That's why you decided to do battle with me today: because we agree on the Dutch model. Not buyin' it.
I don't like your attitude, and that is why I responded to you. Mentioning taking a woman to dinner and paying and hookers in the same sentence is just offensive, got it? Just because you pay for a dinner, doesn't mean you paid for anything else.
Look, I said I personally wouldn't mind going Dutch, IF that was agreed on before hand. If a guy asked me to dinner, on a date, he asked and therefore yes, the right thing to do, IMO is for him to pay. Whether I let him pay is another matter.
I'd rather cook dinner myself and rent a movie. Or go do something outdoors. Any number of things. I am a rather frugal person, in general. The kind of person that tells my kids to close the refrigerator doors in the grocery store because it's wasting electricity...
It's probably a really good thing I am not on the dating scene right now.
I've been married for 15 years, and my DH paid for our first meal at Friendly's. I let him and that was that.
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Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist
Unfortunately, members of the former crowd masquerade as being part of the latter. Why? For men, to get sex. And for women, to get a free ride.
Now I am laughing out loud. Do you seriously think women would go on a date with you to get a free meal? Oh, my God.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist
And here's the problem. How come the only way he can get to know you is to financially invest in you? That makes the quid pro quo a sex for money scheme. And sex is the last thing that should be bartered for, as women enjoy it too. Therefore, at best, it's a zero sum exchange, with nothing else on the table for consideration.
I just have to wonder what women you have been choosing to go out with.
Why should a woman pay to get to know you too? (even if she is paying her share she can stay home for free!!!!!) Why do you always have to go to paid types of places? Ever heard of going out for coffee? Museum? Rollerblading? Bike Riding? Picnic (or are you going to give her half the grocery bill too)? Walk in the park? Rent a movie? Some sort of volunteering? Etc. Etc. Etc.....
I don't get it with you and your hang up w/dinner.
Speaking of unhealthy, food served in restaurants is often crap and totally unhealthy for you... find a nice coffee shop and go out for dessert instead, then nickel and dime her for the $2.49 carrot cake.
No, if I was on the dating scene the last thing I would choose would be dinner out.
Frankly, I'd rather go bowling, and I'd probably have a coupon for 99 cents a game and I own my own shoes. Therefore, no matter who paid, it would be a cheap date.
I don't like your attitude, and that is why I responded to you. Mentioning taking a woman to dinner and paying and hookers in the same sentence is just offensive, got it? Just because you pay for a dinner, doesn't mean you paid for anything else.
Look, I said I personally wouldn't mind going Dutch, IF that was agreed on before hand. If a guy asked me to dinner, on a date, he asked and therefore yes, the right thing to do, IMO is for him to pay. Whether I let him pay is another matter.
I'd rather cook dinner myself and rent a movie. Or go do something outdoors. Any number of things. I am a rather frugal person, in general. The kind of person that tells my kids to close the refrigerator doors in the grocery store because it's wasting electricity...
It's probably a really good thing I am not on the dating scene right now.
I've been married for 15 years, and my DH paid for our first meal at Friendly's. I let him and that was that.
Now I am laughing out loud. Do you seriously think women would go on a date with you to get a free meal? Oh, my God.....
I just have to wonder what women you have been choosing to go out with.
Why should a woman pay to get to know you too? (even if she is paying her share she can stay home for free!!!!!) Why do you always have to go to paid types of places? Ever heard of going out for coffee? Museum? Rollerblading? Bike Riding? Picnic (or are you going to give her half the grocery bill too)? Walk in the park? Rent a movie? Some sort of volunteering? Etc. Etc. Etc.....
I don't get it with you and your hang up w/dinner.
Speaking of unhealthy, food served in restaurants is often crap and totally unhealthy for you... find a nice coffee shop and go out for dessert instead, then nickel and dime her for the $2.49 carrot cake.
expressed only a few posts above applies only to other people.
No, not at all. She clearly didn't understand my points. I mentioned up the thread a coffee shop, and advised ways of not spending money. She missed it. Since she can't read, she's not worth anything more than a one-liner.
Yes, mommytotwo, your reading comprehension skills are abysmal.
After reading Vensuian in this and another thread, I ahve come to this conclusion: He has been seriously screwed over by a female and insists on taking it out on the rest of us.
A real man would never consider asking a woman out without the idea of paying. Most feel less than masculine if they can't provide for their family. Dating is part of the process. He's saying, "See I can take care of you." In today's society, especially here in LA it takes two incomes to make so a woman chipping in and paying sometimes is not unusual.
If a man ever told me he would only date me if he didn't pay for anything, I would think he's a selfish jerk and I would want no part of him. If you won't take care of me (at least initially) with something simple and trivial as paying for a meal, then I know that if I really need you, (like if I was in a car accident) you won't be there.
Basically Venusian, you make it sound like dating if I were dating you, I may as well be on my own? If I'm on my own, what do I need you for? If you don't want to bring money to the table, what are you offering that would make me overlook your cheapness?
I trust you're smart enough to get my point out of a few links... Can't spend the evening itemizing.
hair
nails
clothes
purses
shoes
jewelry
you name it...
I thought so.... I'm not even gonna get into the fact (yes, a fact) that men are still generally paid more. Yes, for the same type of work. A lifetime of paying for first-date dinners won't come even close to the amounts of money spent on those thingies. Or do you not want your dates to look decent?
I trust you're smart enough to get my point out of a few links... Can't spend the evening itemizing.
hair
nails
clothes
purses
shoes
jewelry
you name it...
I thought so.... I'm not even gonna get into the fact (yes, a fact) that men are still generally paid more. Yes, for the same type of work. A lifetime of paying for first-date dinners won't come even close to the amounts of money spent on those thingies. Or do you not want your dates to look decent?
What you spend on cosmetics is not something I need to reimburse you for--poor argument on your part. As for the second nonsense about men making more, enlighten yourself.
And let's not forget the central issue: you, as a woman, are not entitled to be paid by me or any man for your time on a date. That is the issue. Not me, not your cosmetics collection, etc.
What you spend on cosmetics is not something I need to reimburse you for--poor argument on your part. As for the second nonsense about men making more, enlighten yourself.
And let's not forget the central issue: you, as a woman, are not entitled to be paid by me or any man for your time on a date. That is the issue. Not me, not your cosmetics collection, etc.
Fine. To each his own. Arguing is a waste of time anyway and not one of my favorite activities.
After reading Vensuian in this and another thread, I ahve come to this conclusion: He has been seriously screwed over by a female and insists on taking it out on the rest of us.
No, I haven't actually.
Quote:
A real man would never consider asking a woman out without the idea of paying.
A woman's view of a real man is irrelevant to a real man, or haven't you figured that out yet?
Quote:
If a man ever told me he would only date me if he didn't pay for anything, I would think he's a selfish jerk and I would want no part of him.
Why would somebody tell you that? They might just say, "Hey, let's split this," when the check comes. Or "Let's see, I had the burger and fries..." as they read the bill.
Quote:
If you won't take care of me (at least initially) with something simple and trivial as paying for a meal, then I know that if I really need you, (like if I was in a car accident) you won't be there.
Yes, 'cause those two things are related. Quiet now, adults are talking.
Quote:
Basically Venusian, you make it sound like dating if I were dating you, I may as well be on my own? If I'm on my own, what do I need you for? If you don't want to bring money to the table, what are you offering that would make me overlook your cheapness?
So if someone doesn't give you money, there's no incentive? Sounds like prostitution to me. I don't think I'd pay to spend time with you, though. Call it a funny feeling.
Wow, all of this anger over somebody who wants true equality in their relationships. And even name calling like "cheap." I guess it's true: throw a rock into a pack of dogs, and the one who yelps got hit. My aim must be very good, I've hit several of you right where you live. You're welcome.
Just as I suspected, you have absolutely nothing to offer and you want to blame women for that. You'll get over it.
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