Is it too late to tap into the college "hook up culture"? (marriage, women)
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For my first 2 years in college I had a serious girlfriend. Being older now, I realize what a big and damaging mistake that was.
Having a serious, long term girlfriend came at the serious cost of me completely failing to learn how to meet other young girls. I never really learned how to socialize with girls or to flirt because I was already with a girl, and I thought I was going to be with her forever.
It's been 2 years since we split up. I'm 22 now. Most people who started college would have graduated by now but I decided to take the slow road and be a 5 or 6 year student, so I got 2 more years to go.
Still, I've always been envious of guys who get to throw all the wild parties and hook up with tonnes of young freshmen girls and have lots of girlfriends and what not.
I can't help but feel like I've missed out all this time.
I don't live on campus, and I commute, so meeting people is a lot harder for me than living in the dorms. I don't have a big social circle. I don't get invited to parties that often, and when I do, I always feel awkward for not knowing anyone, and can't help but hush up unless I'm around my friends.
I really wish I could live the real college life. I want to tap into "hook up culture." I want to go to parties and make out with random girls and have lots of girlfriends but I don't even know how to make it happen.
What do I have to do? I desperately want to make my last 1 or 2 years in college happy and memorable.
How do I tap into the college hook up culture?
With each year of age you're supposed to PROgress - not REgress
I'm not sure which MTV or reality show you've been watching that has your view so skewered, but really, turn off the tv
Sure, enjoy your life, make some friends, have some fun - but hook-ups? Don't go that route - it's so shallow, dangerous and immature. Take the time to get to actually know some young women - have some MEANINGFUL relationships with them - be a man of depth and character. And someone your age chasing after 17 and 18 year old freshman is just kind of pathetic. Didn't your mother rear you any better than that?
If you seriously want to get to know more people and have more fun on campus YOU HAVE TO JOIN AN ORGANIZATION of some kind - the bigger the better, but join something. Service fraternities can be great - or intramural teams - just pick something you have an interest in and join right away.
Last edited by lovesMountains; 08-31-2009 at 12:44 AM..
Hey, OP: Why are you so hell bent on hooking up with as many easy chicks as you can possibly can? Is it simply because of the sex? Is it because you want to stroke your ego by scoring with multitudes of girls?
Some of the main reasons people only hook-up rather than have actual relationships is because
a.) they don't have the time that a healthy relationship requires yet they still want sex and physical intimacy
b.) they have commitment issues
c.) they feel like it goes hand-in-hand with college/they feel like it's the only available option
d.) the ego boost of succeeding with many, many people
All I know is that tomorrow is the beginning of the fall semester. Just please tell me, how can I meet some young freshmen girls, get them to like me and invite me to a party?
Obviously the OP feels that hooking up with sloppy drunk girls who are probably really loose and diseased is going to make him happy. So what? Maybe it will, maybe he'll go through the experience and learn that it won't. Who are we to judge? Let him try it for himself and see what it does for him. I learn by making my own mistakes, let the guy make his, it's his right.
To the OP: I honestly don't know how to help you get these women. I had a serious gf in college for my first couple years as well, but I was on the 5 year plan and was still able to live my random-hook-up lifestyle shortly after, but it wasn't as glamorous as you make it out to be. I'd say I regretted more than half of the random hookups, and the sex isn't that great anyway. You're drunk, she's drunk, she probably will drag her teeth, and you probably won't feel as much sensation during the act.
If you don't have friends who party and have girls getting drunk at their house already, well then that's the first step. You have to be in the situation, at the event. Make friends with guys who party. Go to local college bars. I never liked the frat idea, those guys are tools and you have to be their ****** for a while...doesn't sound like fun, or that you have time for that.
Grab a buddy or a girl that you're just friends with and crash a party or two. Don't go by yourself, that's weird, you need a wingman or girl. There should be a ton of them going on Thurs, Fri, and Sat nights, just follow groups of people.
As for actually picking up the girls, I was never really good at "pursuing" a girl. I went to a college that was 80% female population, so it made it really easy and most of the girls I hooked up with weren't random. They were girls I knew from class or activity groups that I ran into at a party and they ended up hooking up with me because they knew me and felt more comfortable with me than a random dude. I say just get a little buzzed for some confidence and carelessness, then find another girl who is more drunk than you are and just talk to her. If things go well, ask her back to your place.
Some other advice: try not to get too drunk (whiskey-d!ck), make sure SHE is NOT too drunk (holding her hair back from the toilet is not fun, assuming she makes it to the toilet), don't put all your eggs in one basket as if you spend the whole night talking to one girl and you get ****-blocked by her friend or something then you wasted your night, and most importantly: try to find out if she has a BF or not. Too many times did I assume that I was hitting it off with a girl only to find out at the END of the night that she has a bf 100 miles away back home in bumbf*ck Iowa that she would never cheat on. There's some girls that like to go to parties to get hit on by guys and not be honest up front just to boost THEIR ego.
Hope this helps, good luck, sounds like you'll need it. Not trying to be a jerk, but it sounds like you may lack the social skills to accomplish this, yet there's a lot of tools that do this often, so who knows, I guess you have as good a shot as anyone.
Hey, OP: Why are you so hell bent on hooking up with as many easy chicks as you can possibly can? Is it simply because of the sex? Is it because you want to stroke your ego by scoring with multitudes of girls?
Some of the main reasons people only hook-up rather than have actual relationships is because
a.) they don't have the time that a healthy relationship requires yet they still want sex and physical intimacy
b.) they have commitment issues
c.) they feel like it goes hand-in-hand with college/they feel like it's the only available option
d.) the ego boost of succeeding with many, many people
OK, Centurian, since so many people are telling you you should NOT do what you want to do (as if they should make decisions about your dating life), I will try to answer your question (I am a college professor, for the record).
First, you gotta get to the parties -- that's where the best action is. There are parties going on everywhere on college campuses, you've just gotta figure where they are and if you can fit in (you probably can since most parties draw a wide swath of folks, but there are some get-togethers that can be tougher to break into...you probably won't see a lot of hip hop guys hanging out at the Kappa Alpha house, for example). Don't wait for an invitation -- they're mostly word-of-mouth affairs and usually everyone's welcome. Just find a buddy and go. If you can't get to the parties, or want a break from them, then frequent the most popular campus bars.
Next, loosen up. If you walk in the door as a tight-lipped guy with a stick up his rear end then you're not gonna click with people. Don't be fake...just be a relaxed, easy going and talkative guy. Most people find that alcohol helps lubricate this process; hence, the omnipresent booze.
Also, dress like a cool college student. Again, don't be fake, but you gotta look the part. I would suggest dressing just a tad bit better than the typical jeans/t-shirt/baseball cap that is the male collegiate uniform. If you look just a little bit better -- again not too much, just a little bit (keep the jeans but maybe a casual shirt with a collar and ditch the ball cap) -- I think you might find the gals a little more receptive.
At 22 you may scare off some freshmen, but then again you may find some 18 year olds interested in an "older" guy. You should have no problem finding interest among juniors and seniors. Don't be up front about hooking up (that's off putting). You're just hanging back, having a good time.
Stick around late. When people are starting to think about going home is when the hookups really start to happen. At 10 pm people are just getting started...make your move later (or follow oildog's "go ugly early" recommendation in the following post).
And, of course, you've gotta ask. This is where a lot of guys make a mistake -- they don't try to close the deal. I think they're too shy or something, or perhaps they expect things to just fall into their lap without really trying. If you want the deal you've gotta ask for it. Look her right in the eye and ask her: "You wanna go back to my place?" And then shut up -- don't say a word. The first person to talk after you ask the question usually gives the other one what they want. If she turns you down, no big deal -- life goes on. Promptly move along to another gal and strike up a conversation...
Last edited by professorsenator; 08-31-2009 at 08:51 AM..
You need to find a reason to be near the campus, preferentially with your own place (otherwise where will you bring the girls). There are usually a couple fraternity bars or bars where the girls drink. Make up a story to seem interesting to women (like you have money, a cool career path, risktaker, into saving whales etc.) Learn to do a few types of shots that girls like, then be willing to buy them. For best results "Go Ugly Early".
Realize your not going to get a lot of keepers, but you can try to 'live the life' as you think it is.
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