Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow
What I've learned from Mr Right. Both partners have the duty and the pleasure of doing what they can to make their partner happy. Work and other obligations have to be met but when those things are done your partner is your main interest. You want and desire to do things with them to maintain your intimate relationship. It's important to you.
Sex just happens when you treat each other this way. You take the time to really be with your SO. When you come home, one doesn't go to the computer while the other does laundry and fixes dinner. You do the chores together and when they are done, you do something fun together. Watch a movie or talk and catch up. Snuggle up in bed or in front of the fire with a drink. Plan an evening out or work on next weeks menu. The important thing is being and doing things together.
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And, gentlemen, while we're on the subject (I speak with some authority---I have the honour of being the man the lady I quoted believes is Mr. Right), let's try to remember something an awful lot of men including the OP seem to have forgotten:
You want a sex life with her? Then try thinking about building a
love life with her. And in the way it
really counts.
Don't schpritz on about every
thing you do or give. How about asking and answering, honestly enough, how much of
you you are willing to give no matter
how damn hard you do (or think you do) work in the professional world? Because I'm going to tell you this much---if you're not giving anything resembling yourself, if you're not offering anything resembling yourself beyond what's between your legs, then I don't want to hear about who's not getting what and why. Did the OP or anyone who might agree with him stop to ponder what Tiger Woods was or wasn't offering of himself (other than what's between his legs) when he wasn't on the golf tour and was home to be a real husband and father? Does anyone really think that, if you have nothing of yourself to offer your wife or your partner other than what's between your legs when the sap's flowing, you have the right to be shocked when you discover you haven't been "getting it" for long enough? Or the right to blame
her (or him, for that matter, if it's the other way 'round) when this comes to pass?
Let me tell you something. It takes an awful lot more than working long, building fancy homes, buying expensive toys, and stuffing a dwelling to make a
home, a
relationship, a
romance. Because if you're not offering
yourself---if you're measuring yourself and what you offer in terms of
things---you're offering nothing, and you're not exactly owed a damn thing for it if you're offering nothing that really matters. Those children would probably swap every damn last fancy toy or fat allowance payment for a lot more of
you in their lives. That spouse or partner would probably swap every damn last square foot of that big fancy house (whether or not you built it yourself) for a lot more of
you in her life.
And don't tell me you're working just
too damn hard providing all that other stuff which, while it has its importance, is really nothing more than just things, just a dwelling, when all is said and done. You can replace things. You can replace a dwelling. Good luck replacing children. Better luck replacing a wife, a husband, a partner, especially if you were the one who had your head so far up your ass you couldn't see the moonlight without moving your tongue to one side. Because if all you have is a dwelling and a lot of things, but you have a wife or husband who's indifferent to you because you did nothing to preserve or enhance the love, the romance, the feeling that brought you together in the first place, then you have nothing.
Nothing.
My lady tells me often enough and I believe it with all my heart---it doesn't matter what you have if you don't really have each other, if you don't really nurture each other, if you don't really share with each other, if you don't really place each other in the real number one position in your lives, and while she's at it she thanks me for the sharing, the nurturing, the placing each other at the real number one position in each other's lives.
And let me tell you, without divulging details that are, really, her prerogative, my honour, and nobody else's business, I have the honour of having a sex life most people can only fantasise about. Maybe it starts with thinking of it not as just a sex life but as part, parcel, and precious most parcel of a
love life together.
Because I had, really, only one thing to offer her---
me. That she thinks having me is so wonderful testifies only to her lack of taste in men because I know damn well she could have done way better than me. But I thank God for her every minute of my life.
And I'm not about to let anything get in the way of that. No dwelling, fancy or otherwise. No volume of things. No big show otherwise. I can't really afford to do it now as it is, but if and when I get comfortably well off professionally again I'm
still not going to let any better such things get in the way of what's really important, because I know as much as any man can know that I could give her all the damn things on earth and it wouldn't mean two pins if I gave nothing of
me.
She thinks that's even better.
Even if I still think she could have done better.
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) If there is an emotional disconnect then sex is the furtherest thing from a woman's mind. The brain is indeed the most powerful sex organ!
