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tony, tony, tony we can tell you are selfish by what you write. I might even venture to guess if you are not getting enough at home perhaps it is because you are not a good lover and only think of yourself as your op suggests. not much fun for a women to have sex with someone who has no moves or is only focused on himself and his needs. women do have tons of control in a relationship most of us know that, which is why we shut down or stop going out with men like this. a man who knows who knows how to be a man and treats his women like they should get all they want, as any healthy woman would never turn that kind of lover away and she always asks for more.
hmmm...so Im a selfish person...Let me see...I've worked full time for the past 21 years for the US Army engineering department...and trying to start a business on the side...12 years ago I busted my butt building a half million dollar home with the help of my wife, father and brother so the family could live in nice home...Payed for my children to attend private school...last month I volunteered(no one else did) and went to the Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune located in South Carolina...to develop a new mobile kitchen for the Marines... improving the quality of life for those young marines...long hours and crappy working conditions...but it was all worth it...I luv those kids and want the best for them...next month Im thinking of buying a new car for the wife....for xmas I bought my son a XBOX 360 and play station and video games with average cost of $50 per game...for my daughter an apple laptop....."BUT I'M SELFISH"!!!!!!...
Last edited by tonyandclaire89; 12-26-2009 at 07:03 PM..
hmmm...so Im a selfish person...Let me see...I've worked full time for the past 21 years for the US Army engineering department...Im trying to start a business side...12 years ago I busted my butt building a half million dollar so the family could live in nice home...Payed for my children to attend private school...last month I volunteered(no one else did) and went to the Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune located in South Carolina...to develop a new mobile kitchen for the Marines... improving the quality of life for those young marines...long hours and crappy working conditions...but it was all worth it...I luv those kids and want the best for them...next month Im thinking of buying a new car for the wife....for xmas I bought my son a XBOX 360 and play station and video games with average cost of $50 per game...for my daughter an apple laptop....."BUT I'M SELFISH"!!!!!!...
I should have been more exact. no you are not selfish in the list you just posted. very admirable for sure. you are a good family man. however your ideas about lack of sex in a relationship being the woman's fault is one sided to say the least. people who refuse to see both sides are not "fair" for lack of a better word. many people have great sex lives and it is because of the give and take.
I haven't read the whole thread, but here's my perspective anyway.
Men and women both have a tendency to take each other for granted after being married for a while. Without extra effort, they both get fat, or get sloppy, or simply stop putting their best foot forward. I think this is a huge reason why married people often stop having sex.
I was struck by an old Thanksgiving photo of my ex and me. We sat down to dinner looking like slobs, both wearing sloppy flannel lounge pants and t-shirt. And yet we independently wondered why our love life got worse and worse as time wore on.
When you are dating, you want to look your best for your partner. Wearing clothes that look good, making sure you smell good, nice haircut, clean fingernails etc and generally thinking about how important it is to be attractive to the other person. this all goes right out the window once many couples marry.
I'm sure that throughout this thread, men blame women and women blame me. But I think the truth is, it is a joint effort of laziness and taking each other for granted.
Hi Onglet39,
LOL. Another B-12 shot of the truth. I'm a fan.
I have made new determination not to let that happen. I sort of like dating my wife. I gave her a rose the other day.
What did mother give my wife? Sweats. The world conspires against you.
Why do men always ask the women why won't you give me sex? When are they going to start asking themselves if they are worthy or attractive enough for the wife or girlfriend to have sex. Why always put it on the woman? Men can become extremely unattractive in the way they act and look.
If you have previously answered this, I don't recall seeing it - - have you actually talked to your wife about her disinterest in sex.....or are you going to just keep telling us how and why she OWES you?
If you have previously answered this, I don't recall seeing it - - have you actually talked to your wife about her disinterest in sex.....or are you going to just keep telling us how and why she OWES you?
Exactly. How long have you been married? Maybe she is just plain bored. Maybe she is exhausted from everything she does, that you just don't seem to see as important.
Let me think, my DH comes home after a hard days work and looks at everything that I have done and thinks "WTF, this is the easy life?" Brings me down, brings my view of you as my spouse WAY down.
You need to discuss it with her, make her feel valued, from what little you have posted you sound like you make her feel small and not appreciated because you do so much. Bring her up, show her you love her. Seduce her. Talk to her. She owes you nothing. You owe her nothing. Your relationship is what you make of it.
Exactly. How long have you been married? Maybe she is just plain bored. Maybe she is exhausted from everything she does, that you just don't seem to see as important.
Let me think, my DH comes home after a hard days work and looks at everything that I have done and thinks "WTF, this is the easy life?" Brings me down, brings my view of you as my spouse WAY down.
You need to discuss it with her, make her feel valued, from what little you have posted you sound like you make her feel small and not appreciated because you do so much. Bring her up, show her you love her. Seduce her. Talk to her. She owes you nothing. You owe her nothing. Your relationship is what you make of it.
Hi veuvegirl,
That is how I see it. If one is begging for sex, it hardly seems rewarding to the one begging for it. It is contextual to what the problem is. If the person is otherwise interested in sex then fixing everything else may fix that issue.
Now if someone considers themselves happily married but just does not want sex then that is a different story, and we have seen those sexless marriages. In such cases I would just suggest a happier massage as compromise or some such. Those situations are the one's I understand the least.
My hero, Dr. Laura, advises women who are not particularly interested in having sex, to "play along and pretend" that you are enjoying it and bit by bit, you will find that YOU WILL start enjoying it! My philosophy is that 10 or 15 minutes out of 24 hours is not too much to ask. It is our duty as a wife to make our husband happy and I know from experience that if you are good to your husband, that when you need it, he will be good to you.
20yrsinBranson
Okay the first half of this I can get behind - it's really not that much time. I seriously doubt men enjoy doing yardwork or cleaning the garage but they do it because we ask it of them.
Is it our duty as a wife to make a husband happy? Sounds a little old fashioned to me (no offsense honestly - the word 'duty' is what I really have a problem with).
Personally I think this is a problem that should be acknowledged before it becomes a problem. (Easier said than done I'm sure) But, stereotypically, this is a problem that befalls most relationships/marriages. So plan ahead for it? Learn to be open about your sexual desires, needs, and wants while both parties are being routinely satisfied. Maybe toys or roleplay would help. Maybe she just wants a little romance back? A litte foreplay can go a long way. Maybe time should be planned - not very romantic I'll admit, but if it's part of the schedule maybe it will reduce the excuses.
My favorite advice (and I can't remember where it came from) was that a couple, no matter what, never turned each other down. Whether they were mad at each other, one party wasn't in the mood, ect. I'm sure there were exceptions but this along with open communication I think is key.
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