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I understand where you come from and how you may feel guilty about kicking him to the curb. I actually come from a similar background as you---
Before meeting my ex, I was a cutter and had major body image issues. On any given day, I would walk around with at least 10 cuts on my body and I was in the pits of depression.
He came around and was extremely gentle and supportive of my mental health. He rebuilt my self esteem and made me appreciate myself again. He was everything I personally needed and wanted. But he had no job. He also had no education. And he didn't want to get an education. I thought we could survive it.
The lesson I learned from that relationship was that you can't stay with someone out of guilt or pity. You only get to live life once and whomever you end up with should be someone who can match with your personality and life goals as possible---otherwise all efforts are a total waste. You can possibly make it work...for a while---but if he doesn't have a job 5 years from now, 10 years from now, would you be okay with that? Would you want to tell your future children with him (assuming you go that far) that mommy has to work because daddy doesn't like to--and that is why mommy can't be around to tuck them in at night?
You can't push him forward. Only he can. And it is pretty clear he doesn't want to.
My last relationship lasted 5 years. Do you know why? Because as beautiful as it started out, it ended up becoming the deadbeat ex only staying with me because I made money to support him.
Never again.
Really good advice here, hope she listens to some of what you have said. You cannot make someone be someone they are not meant to be.
Am I the only one whose noticed that the OP hasn't returned four pages later?
OP was busy working, didn't realize how fast you all would respond.
After reading through all the posts I do understand were a lot of you are coming from. From the outside looking in its a logical choice to end the relationship, to cut your losses and move on. Yes there are many fine fish in the sea, but there are very few who truly can bring out the best in you.
I'm not in this relationship because of guilt, because I owe him anything, I'm here because he has the same views I do on life, the same path, he's just struggling to find a way back. Weather we're husband and wife or best friends I'm looking forward to sharing the rest of my life with him. I wasn't looking for people ragging on me for being with him. I just honestly wanted some peoples advice on how to help him move forward.
I don’t know, I guess I was looking for something else… sorry guys, not too interested in being defensive and angry. I'll still check up on this, but I'm looking for a different answer than what I'm getting.
1. I don't believe this. Too many troll posters start out with an unbeliveably crazy post such as this right out of the gate.
2. On the off chance you are for real and just too young to know any better listen up; There is no future here, move on with your life. Do what everyone here is telling you and move on with your life. If you don't then live with it, shut up, and never ever complain about him again.
You want to explain this one to me? I don`t understand what you are saying?
I think it goes along these lines, Yankee.
"Anybody can give me crap...its up to me whether or not I take it."
If the bag of crap is taken by recipient (sp?), then some of the blame falls on said person.
If it isnt, then the fault remains completely with the person who tried to give the crap in the first place.
OP
Since you arent getting the answers you WANT to hear, let me give you this piece of knowledge Ive learned in my short years (
Im not much older than you are..)
Your mate must equal you in more areas of life than emotion. That means he must, in some capacity, match you goal-wise, personality wise, and financially. There must be a balance in all areas.
Gaps such as the one you have lead to nothing but vicious fights, bitterness, and lost opportunities.
OP was busy working, didn't realize how fast you all would respond.
I don’t know, I guess I was looking for something else… sorry guys, not too interested in being defensive and angry. I'll still check up on this, but I'm looking for a different answer than what I'm getting.[/color]
It really is very sad that you feel this way. As long as you're enabling him (and his parents are doing exactly the same thing) there's little hope that anything will change. I hate to see someone as young as you wasting so much precious time and dismissing so blithely all the advice you've been given by people much older than you who have the experience to answer your questions. Good luck to you.
OP was busy working, didn't realize how fast you all would respond.
After reading through all the posts I do understand were a lot of you are coming from. From the outside looking in its a logical choice to end the relationship, to cut your losses and move on. Yes there are many fine fish in the sea, but there are very few who truly can bring out the best in you.
I'm not in this relationship because of guilt, because I owe him anything, I'm here because he has the same views I do on life, the same path, he's just struggling to find a way back. Weather we're husband and wife or best friends I'm looking forward to sharing the rest of my life with him. I wasn't looking for people ragging on me for being with him. I just honestly wanted some peoples advice on how to help him move forward.
I don’t know, I guess I was looking for something else… sorry guys, not too interested in being defensive and angry. I'll still check up on this, but I'm looking for a different answer than what I'm getting.
And there it is bolded. The thing is is that you can't change anyone. You can't save anyone. He has to make that choice for himself. He may even resent you if you push him too hard because he doesn't see a problem with the way things are, otherwise he would've started to change by now. None of us are attacking you. You are young and a lot of us are older and have a little bit more experience in this department. But hey if you want to try it out anyway, don't be disappointed if you realize 5 years down the line you made a big mistake and wasted all that time on Mr. Wrong. If you do take him with you please don't open a joint acct with this boy. If you don't take any other advice in this thread at least take this. Trust me.
Seems to me you have different views, dreams and paths and may I point out nowhere is the word "LOVE" mentioned. As for HIS dreams, he talks the talk but does not walk the walk. ACTIONS speak a lot louder than words! Why not tell him.."A little less talk and a LOT MORE ACTION? (where HIS dreams are concerned... IF they are real dreams of his)
That was why I decided not to post on the thread, but to let it unfold instead.
Something about the way the original post is written, and the different font, made me think it was copy and pasted. I thought I'd wait to see if they came back, or if it was a troll/bot/whatever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed
Am I the only one whose noticed that the OP hasn't returned four pages later?
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