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From what we can tell, she's a very good mother to our grandson and has a good-loving relationship with her mom and stepdad. Her grandma said a few things about her son's mental problems and that really set her off. It really does seem that my daughter does have a "hate/love" relationship with men she meets. During my 20 years of being single (divorced), I didn't have the best "relationship" situations either. I know her son is on special medications for the ADHD and she could be on some type of meds herself. And, from my past experience in the medical field as an EMT, I know that certain meds can affect certain reactions/actions.
Yes, we have done the "hide" on Facebook before. Done it with one of my classmates who keeps putting Bible scriptures on her Facebook......her husband is a Pastor.
Thing is, I never/ever talked the way some of these young adults talk today and I didn't make friends/have friends who talked that way either! People do say "you can find out things about a person's personality thru the type of friends they keep/have".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirl
There is nothing you can do about the language she uses. I am also 62 and am Facebook friends with a couple of younger adults who pull at my heartstrings. My former stepdaughter lost her life in a traffic accident and left behind 2 children. About 3 years later, my husband (her father) died. My stepdaughter's children were in elementary school and I had been a "grandmother" to them. But, over the years those ties have loosened. I still have deep concern for the children of my former stepdaughter and have "friended" them on Facebook. They are in their early 20's and each is unmarried but has a child. Lots of partying, lots of profanity. I simply lurk and make very few comments. I care about them, I know they do not care about me. When I learned how fearful my "granddaughter" is leaving her waitress job at 2am to walk to her car, I sent her a device that looks like a cell phone but is a stun gun. When I learned my "grandson" had severe financial woes, I talked a friend into hiring him for a short term job (I paid). And sometimes when I find the profanity too disturbing, I "hide" them for a while. Really, that's all you can do.....
You are VERY MUCH assuming things about my daughters feelings about me that are not true and I've already stated that in at least one of my postings!
Yep, just as I figured......the "good", the "bad" and the "ugly". Can't keep out the "ugly"! Oh well
Readers are only going by what you, as the OP, are saying. In your original post on p. 1, you explicitly said that you and your daughter have been "estranged" for many years, she will not communicate by phone or in writing, and that the only relationship (if you can call it that) that you have with each other is on Facebook. Readers here are not assuming anything, but you do appear to be waffling on your original statements and taking offense when someone bases their comment on how bad you said it really is. That is one of the reasons why, imho, questions ought to be posed in less personal ways, such as "Poor Relationship Between Father and Daughter," and keep the question general so that once you find the responses not to your liking or no longer helpful to you, other Posters can keep on talking about this as long as they want to keep the thread alive.
If you divorced in the 1970's your daughter was a young child. Did you have visitation and spend time with her during those years? A few weeks in the summer or anything ... pay child support ... remember her birthdays, graduations?
I think you are wrong to be spying on her with Facebook. It appears it hasn't worked. If out of the blue she asked if she and the grandchild could move in with you and your wife ... or she asked for a few thousand dollars ... how would you handle that.
I have three grown children 40, 38 and 33 and the less I know about how they talk, if they drink or party the better off I am. They were raised right, educated and loved unconditionally. That is all a parent can do. If they have a problem they want to share with me they know they are more than welcome. I realize your situation is different with the divorce.
I don't do Facebook so I don't understand their system. For your peace of mind perhaps you should just un-friend her. This has to be stressful for your wife realizing the turmoil you experience from reading her Facebook. It's not worth it.
If your daughter has your address, phone number and email and she wants a relationship with you ... she will get in touch with you. Consider your wife's feelings ... I feel she was being nice when she said "I don't want to hear it" but you are not getting the message. You have apparently developed an obsession over this situation and you need to let it go ... you cannot go back. Your daughter is an adult and there is nothing you can do now to change her. Just let it go and let her come to you.
Yes, we have done the "hide" on Facebook before. Done it with one of my classmates who keeps putting Bible scriptures on her Facebook......her husband is a Pastor.
Thing is, I never/ever talked the way some of these young adults talk today and I didn't make friends/have friends who talked that way either! People do say "you can find out things about a person's personality thru the type of friends they keep/have".
I soooo agree with you, LB, about your quote regarding insight into others' personality by the friends they have and keep. But, not to offend, you can also learn about others' personalities about their relationships with their families. I do commend you on your effort, at this time in your life, to stay connected with your biological daughter. However, I think you might have a talk with yourself and come to terms with what that relationship might be. At this point in her and your lives, you simply do not have the ability or the right to shape her behavior. So, think about what you can offer her and what being connected offers you. In your situation, the connection could simply mean that she is your biological child and you have a keen interest in being aware of her "comings and goings." It might have to just stop at that. For her, if being connected to you means that she gets negative input, the connection will be severed by her. So, what you CAN OFFER is emotional support.....I don't see how criticizing her accomplishes that. If I were you, I'd ignore the things I find disturbing and provide empathy or humor when appropriate. If you just cannot overlook the offensive language, you'll need to stop reading her posts.
Am now finding out that some topics/problems shouldn't be made public for opinion.......but, wife and I do thank all of you for your comments/replies. We will do what we think is necessary, but will stay in contact with her thru Facebook. Now, if that puts too much of a strain on our marriage, then I'll say "Hasta la vista, baby!" for awhile.......love, love, love those movie statements!
Now I think I'll use a Forest Gump statement: "I'm tired, I think I'll go home now!"
Am now finding out that some topics/problems shouldn't be made public for opinion.......but, wife and I do thank all of you for your comments/replies. We will do what we think is necessary, but will stay in contact with her thru Facebook. Now, if that puts too much of a strain on our marriage, then I'll say "Hasta la vista, baby!" for awhile.......love, love, love those movie statements!
Now I think I'll use a Forest Gump statement: "I'm tired, I think I'll go home now!"
For me/us, this thread is now CLOSED!
Maybe I missed something, but I don't understand the anger. (Maybe I'm reading this wrong too?) People are trying to give helpful feedback.
Am now finding out that some topics/problems shouldn't be made public for opinion.......but, wife and I do thank all of you for your comments/replies. We will do what we think is necessary, but will stay in contact with her thru Facebook. Now, if that puts too much of a strain on our marriage, then I'll say "Hasta la vista, baby!" for awhile.......love, love, love those movie statements!
Now I think I'll use a Forest Gump statement: "I'm tired, I think I'll go home now!"
For me/us, this thread is now CLOSED!
And well it should be. You're willingness to continue to excuse and enable your daughter's disregard speaks volumes. However, it's your family and your absolute right to react as you choose to as a parent. Some of us have simply made the hard and difficult choices.
Could be me, but he sounds less like a parent and more like a stalker.
VERY controlling
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You have apparently developed an obsession over this situation and you need to let it go ... you cannot go back. Your daughter is an adult and there is nothing you can do now to change her. Just let it go and let her come to you.
