Are Your Best days ahead of you, or behind you? (beach, moving)

[Lillietta]

Many get a new lease on life in their 50s. Anyway they say 40s is the old age of youth and 50s is the youth of old age. Most people realize each decade is better than the last - starting with the 20s - ugh the 20s - 60s better than 50s, etc etc. all things being equal i.e. good health.

[kaykay]

Originally Posted by normie

Thanks, Novamom, what a sweet thing to say. I don't know quite what got into me when I started writing all that--there was a point I was trying to make but somehow it took me 20+ paragraphs to get to it!!!!

I don't think I'll write the rest of my life story--when I wrote that I got into a groove--but afterwards I realized I had waste a whole morning on it. And my life is so complicated, believe me it would fill volumes. And the funny thing about telling a life story is that you tell different details depending on the point you're trying to make. But thanks for the compliment, you made my day.

ps. Happy holidays everyone. I'm travelling for a few weeks, but I'll check in again in January.

I also enjoyed your story. Maybe you SHOULD write a book!

I'm a little surprised that some of you are so negative about life beyond 50 (I'm a boomer, age 52! My husband is 53.) In some ways on some of my darker days, I think that my best years are behind me, but as some have indicated, in some ways it's a trade-off.

I really enjoyed my life in my thirties (I was a stay at home mom with my son.) He died six years ago in a freak car accident at age 16. That's the main reason I guess that I feel my best years were behind me. He was our only child. Getting older without children or grandchildren bothers me. And I miss him.

But I try not to look at the negatives. I am still married to a wonderful man (32 years now) We have been blessed to have some great friends. I have a decent job etc. and so does my husband. I have much more self-understanding now and less health problems (had chronic neck issues before I broke down and went to a chiropractor!) So that is better. Received some professional counseling. I wrote a grief recovery book for bereaved parents in the last 2 years. So life has been productive... Got addicted to CD but we won't discuss that!

So...on balance, who knows? I miss my son every day and nothing will ever change that, but again, I try not to "live" in what might have been, should've been etc. I try to trust the Lord to take care of us as He always has and keep on moving forward!

[NorthmeetsSouth]

Originally Posted by kaykay

I really enjoyed my life in my thirties (I was a stay at home mom with my son.) He died six years ago in a freak car accident at age 16. That's the main reason I guess that I feel my best years were behind me. He was our only child. Getting older without children or grandchildren bothers me. And I miss him.

But I try not to look at the negatives. I am still married to a wonderful man (32 years now) We have been blessed to have some great friends. I have a decent job etc. and so does my husband. I have much more self-understanding now and less health problems (had chronic neck issues before I broke down and went to a chiropractor!) So that is better. Received some professional counseling. I wrote a grief recovery book for bereaved parents in the last 2 years. So life has been productive... Got addicted to CD but we won't discuss that!

So...on balance, who knows? I miss my son every day and nothing will ever change that, but again, I try not to "live" in what might have been, should've been etc. I try to trust the Lord to take care of us as He always has and keep on moving forward!

I am so sorry for your loss, and I am heartened to know that you have such a positive outlook. I lost my son several months ago. He was 21 and, like you, he was my only child. We were very close and even though he joined the service 4 years ago, we stayed close and we spoke at least once a week.
Such a loss changes everything. Not only the heartache of missing him every day, but now I know I will never have grandchildren of my own. But, like you, I look ahead and I have made up my mind to go on and have the best future I can. Nothing good can come of living in the past.

[kaykay]

Originally Posted by NorthmeetsSouth

I am so sorry for your loss, and I am heartened to know that you have such a positive outlook. I lost my son several months ago. He was 21 and, like you, he was my only child. We were very close and even though he joined the service 4 years ago, we stayed close and we spoke at least once a week.
Such a loss changes everything. Not only the heartache of missing him every day, but now I know I will never have grandchildren of my own. But, like you, I look ahead and I have made up my mind to go on and have the best future I can. Nothing good can come of living in the past.

Thanks for your condolences. So sorry also to hear of the loss of your son. You put it pretty succinctly and aptly when you said "such a loss changes everything." It is truly devastating. But again, what choice do we have but to, as you say, try to have best future we can, ya know? Wishing you the best, NorthmeetsSouth.

[KevK]

Originally Posted by superk

KevK, I agree with everything you've said so far. I personally have no desire to see what lies beyond 49. The thought of having to go through another 40-50 years keeps me awake at night.

As you get older, it gets worse every year. I remember with some fondness that, until I was 30, I would be in Las Vegas every year at this time looking forward to New Years Eve. Now I just spend the week at home doing nothing but this and watching TV and let the grown kids enjoy it.

[KevK]

Originally Posted by anifani821

Yes, what you fill your mind and time with does count, LOL.

I am going full circle on some things. Born in 1952. Things I have had to leave behind - such as my photography - want to pick it up again. DH and I will never retire. We just pray for decent health so we can continue doing what we are doing now . . . and perhaps add some new things to the list.

I am working on a business plan to make some money again w/ my photography. (used to do this - newspaper)

I would say - life has been a journey (okay - that is so cliche, I know). Wouldn't be at this place in time if I had made different choices, so I am fine w/ the way things have evolved. Can't say the best years were behind or are ahead - I don't think about life like that. It is just one day at a time . . . I try to make them all good days, deal w/ the challenges, forgive the mistakes . . . move on . . .

Happy New Year!!!!

Life has been a jouney and most of it has sucked to be perfectly honest. It has no meanning at all.

[Submariner]

I was born in 1959.

I retired on my pension in 2001.

I hope that my best days lay ahead of me.

I know that behind me lay a lot of pain and gore.

[NorthmeetsSouth]

Originally Posted by KevK

I am now 49 and all I do is think about what is past. I often look at my high school yearbook and other pictures and I look back at my life with a degree of dissappointment. Yes, it could have been worse but it could have been a whole hell of alot better too. I always think "if I had done this" or "if I had done that" maybe things would have been better. My little girl will finish high school and be gone next August to college. I will be left with nothing to look forward to but death. There are times I wish I could go back and do it all over again. There are other times when I hate it and would never ever want to do it again.

KevK - I think it would be a good idea for you to get on some sort of depression medication. I am not being flip. I am serious. You sound like you are seriously depressed and often some sort of medicine can take the edge off and help you to have a better outlook.
I am not one of these people who sings Kum-bay-yah and says that life is beautiful. I know that it sucks sometimes. But I also know that it doesn't have to! I have had many incidents in the past that could have been handled better, or better decisions could have been made, but I don't sit around thinking "if only I had done this or that" because I didn't do this or that and I don't have a time machine so there is absolutely no point in dwelling on it. A friend of mine once told me "It's okay to look at the past... but don't stare!"
Set an example for your daughter. Let her know that its okay to make mistakes. That's how we learn. Show her that just because you didn't do everything right in the past that doesn't mean that you can't do a lot of things right in the future.
Lead by example! The better your outlook on life is, the better your daughter's outlook will be. I guarantee that if you pretend to have a positive outlook just to convince your daughter, eventually you will convince yourself as well, and you will start to enjoy yourself more. Really!

[mrschilicook]

Born 1946 and my best days are today....every day! Yes, my youth was fun but it was also filled with hard work, divorce, bad choices, poor relationships, etc. But I learned from everything I experienced and still learn from what I"m doing today.

I love being my age (61) and look forward to growing old and wise and seeing the world from a new perspective. Life doesn't come find you. YOU have to go find a life. Develop new interests, find joy, volunteer (it really DOES make you feel fortunate and better about where you are in life).

My husband and I travel, take cooking lessons all over the U.S., and visit history museums in every little dinky town we land in overnight. I couldn't do any of these things when I was working 10 hour days, commuting 2 hours a day, and dealing with a working life in general.

I don't think there were "best days" in the past or that the "best days" are ahead of me. I think every day is what I make out of it.

KevK...I would seriously think about talking to someone. You sound depressed. There are lots of people out there to help you. Reach out. You still have a chance to do alot of livin!. And go to Vegas if you liked it in your 20's/30's. We lived there until about 8 months ago and still had fun at the resorts, shows, and restaurants. Age isn't a sentence to boredom.

[normie]

Originally Posted by mrschilicook

Life doesn't come find you. YOU have to go find a life. Develop new interests, find joy, volunteer (it really DOES make you feel fortunate and better about where you are in life).

My husband and I travel, take cooking lessons all over the U.S., and visit history museums in every little dinky town we land in overnight. I couldn't do any of these things when I was working 10 hour days, commuting 2 hours a day, and dealing with a working life in general.

Great post. Sorry to drift off topic for a moment--but could you tell me more about these museums? I love finding interesting museums, especially the ones you find in dinky towns!!!! Do you have any favorites?