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We have not experienced that at all, my 75 year old Mother probably has a more active social life than I do and she is very involved with volunteer organizations and her Church. Personally I prefer to stay home and have throughout my adult years, it is my safe place for many reasons.
I watched the women in my family do this. As they aged, their worlds got smaller and smaller until they were almost nonexistent. My grandma was married to a man 20 yrs older than her. Their circle of influence and friends died off earlier leaving her w/o much of a peer group as she got up in yrs. She developed agoraphobia, fearing anything outside her walls, and anything that wasn't familiar.
Her dtrs tried to keep her active and involved but she just wasn't welcoming of anything that would broaden her world as she aged. She was healthy, mind as sharp as ever, she just didn't want a life very far from her 4 walls. My mom was pretty extroverted most of her life, but when she retired, her neighborhood changed. It wasn't as safe, but we couldn't get her OUT of it, we tried for years to get her to move to communities that had people she knew, more amenities and services, that were safer, but she wouldn't budge so I gave up. She hated that business was drying up and shopping wasn't easy, but she refused to relocate. She feared being out in the community as it all changed and for the worse. She complained about it all the time. Friends that had moved and enjoyed their new areas would plead with her to join them. She rather be in the deteriorating area and DO nothing and sit in fear in her house. No illness, no mental issues other than sheer stubbornness. But she lived out her remaining days mostly miserable because of the area changing and becoming crime ridden. She had the means, we could move her and take care of everything, but she had rooted herself to that life and nothing would coax her out of it. So it was a subject that we stopped discussing. She didn't even like the house she was in, so I never comprehended what the draw was. My mom was independent all her life, lost her spouse when I was a baby. She cared for us kids, her parents, her siblings, her grandkids but she just didn't really take any of her nurturing and apply it to herself. I think my mom just survived and existed with the hard hand she was dealt. It is like she couldn't fathom making any change that might have resulted in an easier journey.
I can think of three couples in our neighborhood where the woman has withdrawn. Years ago, I used to see these women outside, but I haven't even seen them in a couple of years.
And I have two old friends in other states who tell me the same thing about their 70 year old wives. They both say they can't get her out of the house.
Anyone else seeing this? I've got my own suspicions about the reasons, but I wanted to hear from others first.
My reason?............Looking down the road I can see it happening to us.
So many possibilities.
Do they have yardwork done now and the wives feel no need to go out in the yard anymore?
If they had dogs, have their pets died and they no longer have a reason to get out for a walk?
If they were sick, have they become accustomed to not moving around and find they no longer can as easily and so they don't.
And along those lines, if they have been housebound from an illness, have they been watching TV/news more than usual and now have a distorted view of the dangers outside?
Are they depressed from friends and relatives dying and they can't see the point of participating in life any longer after losing so many they have loved?
Finally, are the wives still doing the lion's share of housework, preparing meals and cleaning up afterwards? They may no longer have the energy to do it all without any help and still have the energy for much else.
Some reasons have simple solutions, some need intervention.
In my family, my MIL is busier than I am, her social calendar is booked, while my mother rarely gets out now. MIL is 85 and an extrovert and my Mom is 90 and an introvert.
I deal with quite a few older folks and have for many years as part of my work. Yes, I do see women who do this, and I think it is for a variety of reasons. 1. They don't want to spend the money, because generally leaving the house will involve spending money in some way. 2. They don't have to get fixed up/They feel ugly. Women are generally really hung up on their looks. If they go out less, they don't have to bother as much. 3. They just don't have a reason to get out. They aren't involved in volunteer work, they don't have hobbies or sports they participate in. Because of their lack of involvement in these types of things, they have no reason to leave, so they don't.
I was thinking maybe they just don't want to go through the trouble of getting dressed and looking presentable?
But I can't think of anyone in my small town that fits this. Most of the women I hang out with are in their late 60s. I'm in my 50s and I'm the one that doesn't want to go out. It's just that I don't want to spend hours looking at gee-gaws at Walmart-mart or any other store. Eating and exercising is okay though.
I rent in a mixed (ages) community. I have several neighbors who are elderly (over 80s) and one of them rarely goes out. Her husband (older than she is) is quite ill with various ailments and she is his primary caregiver.
Weeks can go by before I see her or her husband. They have the odd visitor but can't drive anymore (or far) so they stay home.
I can understand how this happens. I'm not even near their age but without a job, you lose motivation even take a walk or go down to the town. Fortunately I have a dog and a teen (with mild disabilities I home school) so I have to keep it together and keep going.
I was thinking maybe they just don't want to go through the trouble of getting dressed and looking presentable?
But I can't think of anyone in my small town that fits this. Most of the women I hang out with are in their late 60s. I'm in my 50s and I'm the one that doesn't want to go out. It's just that I don't want to spend hours looking at gee-gaws at Walmart-mart or any other store. Eating and exercising is okay though.
My mom and her friends were always out and about.
Presentable to who? Who gets to decide if I fall within the presentable category? You? Someone else I do not know and do not care about their opinion of me? If I am wearing a black trash bag and stilettos and I am happy and comfortable then I am presentable in my opinion which is the only one that counts.
You have to reach out. If you don't invite people for dinner or after dinner snack and gaming, its not like you will get invited to things. Many people didn't do that when they were working because work did it for them.
Presentable to who? Who gets to decide if I fall within the presentable category? You? Someone else I do not know and do not care about their opinion of me? If I am wearing a black trash bag and stilettos and I am happy and comfortable then I am presentable in my opinion which is the only one that counts.
Hey, it was just thought. My mom always liked to look her best when she left the house. Nothing high end, but a little makeup, some jewelry. She loves colorful clothes.
I'm the same way. The thought of being seen in public in baggy sweat pants makes me cringe! Lol
BTW, plastics and stilettos would be a smashing fashion statement!
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