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I do not understand why people would not want to do occasional small favors for people such as, for example, sawing a board, especially since two saws are owned.
My retired father would clear snow off the apartment complex neighbor's cars (multiple neighbors) for them and remove snow for them around the tires of their cars, all without being asked, but having developed the habit of doing it - he enjoyed being outside and enjoyed the tasks, and felt happiness in helping them.
My parents were friends with this very nice couple. The husband got very ill quickly and died. They rented, and the landlord was very old. He went to our church, so we knew him too. Big things got handled, because he would hire, but he kept meaning to fix little things and just never got to it. My dad and mom, once every couple of months went over to her place to do those little things. Fix a drawer, fix a drip, change the odd ball outside light...Little things she had no idea how to do. She'd serve dinner and drinks. At Christmas she made these fiddley cookies that were amazing for our Christmas party.
That's what you're talking about. I understand that. My neighbor's house caught fire, and she needed to make a bunch of phone calls to relatives and others...I gave her the use of my phone. This was before cell phones. When I locked myself out of my house and car at 2AM...she let me use her phone to call a locksmith.
But I know other people who aren't like that. The "friends" who asked us to help them move, then said when we were moving, oh, we don't help people move....why don't you hire? The "friends" who decide they don't need cars, they can use bikes, and "you do know how you are defiling the environment with driving" in front of everyone because they are such saints....and then call me up and DEMAND a ride because they no longer have a that car they didn't need?
Well, you must live some sort of blessed life that you've never encountered a special snowflake who feels the world is their playground and you are merely a tool to be used....
I have the reverse situation. My neighbours are constantly trying to help me out (even though I have the equipment and I am still able to use it). I love them dearly but I keep trying to pay them and they won't take it .. so I buy them small gifts or bake them something from time to time to show my appreciation (though I am sure that it would be better for them if they let me give them a bit of cash so they could buy what they really want) ... and tell them I will never take them for granted.
I have too often seen others who, given an inch, take a mile .. and I have no desire to ever be doing that, intentionally or unintentionally to anyone else. On the other hand, I freely lend stuff out and expect nothing in return but if I feel taken advantage of .. that stops in a hurry. I am nice, but not a patsy.
Can you block their number with your telephone provider? We have done this several times - simple to do online - for various reasons and it has worked well. The message says you are currently "unavailable".
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I'd love to. But this is hubby's brother and his friends, acquaintances, neighbors, etc. He is one too, who has a very hard time saying No. I don't answer when the brother calls anymore after hubby caught him telling a complete stranger what a lazy b*tch I was for staying in the house cooking him lunch while he and hubby loaded a truck one day.
Our most recent move, I tried my best to locate somewhere at least fifty miles away. Now, as much as he hates to admit it, hubby thinks I may have been right.
Oy vey...after reading all 5 pages, I can sooooooo see this happening to us when we move to Florida where we will have neighbors. My husband is the friendliest, most giving person EVER. He won't say no to anybody. We currently live out in the country with NO neighbors, but in Florida, we're going to have neighbors on both sides AND across the street. The last time we were down, we were standing in front of the driveway with the neighbors, who luckily for us are GREAT people, and the old couple from down the street who the neighbor calls "the crazy people" came wandering up to see what we were up to. Their property is over run with foliage and there are huge potted plants sitting every where as well. I can just see them asking my husband to trim their shrubs or move pots for them.......
So when they ask, your husband looks them right in the eye and says, "Sure, I get $75/hour with a 2 hour minimum in advance. When would you like me to start?"
I do not understand why people would not want to do occasional small favors for people such as, for example, sawing a board, especially since two saws are owned.
My retired father would clear snow off the apartment complex neighbor's cars (multiple neighbors) for them and remove snow for them around the tires of their cars, all without being asked, but having developed the habit of doing it - he enjoyed being outside and enjoyed the tasks, and felt happiness in helping them.
I noticed several things about your post. "occasional small favors". Two key words, "occasional", the problem people are demanded many, many favors on regular basis, not "an occasional favor". And, "small", the problem people are demanded large favors or for others to do them at a great inconvenience to their schedule or health or pocketbook (or all three)..
Also, your wrote that your dad enjoyed being outside and enjoyed the tasks. Imagine, if your dad hated being outside, or had physical challenges, or was sick with the flu (or all three) and those same neighbors called your dad up and expected/demanded that he shovel the snow away from all of their cars.
In fact, a few neighbors (younger & in better physical health than your dad & they did not have the flu) would call him up early in the morning on a snowy day and say "I have to leave at 7:30 AM for an appointment. You better get outside right away to shovel off my car!". The neighbor would stay in their warm toasty bed and expect your sick, disabled dad to shovel their car. I bet that your dad would not be as happy.
I hope that you get the point of this thread now. I am sure that the people who posted still exchange "small, occasional favors" with their friends, they just don't want to be taken advantage of by users.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe
I think the real difference is in offering to do something, or being expected or manipulated into doing something.
And, I'd like to know if you personally do regular favors for someone who never does favors for you? And that person is younger than you by several years and makes the same income as you, and is in better physical condition than you. Would you really not get annoyed by that?
People ask me about stuff and unless they specifically ask for my help i dont give it any thought. I have a friend who asks me car questions and i have learned unless he says " i need your help doing ----" to not even give it a second thought.
far as loaning out tools? nope, people dont return them or i have to go get them back myself or return them damaged. my tools are there for when i need them not when others need them. if someone wont invest in a basic screw driver and stuff i cant help you.
This borrowing or asking for help all the time thing is not restricted to elderly women. My BFF for MANY years is a sweetheart in many ways but an entitled taker in others. We camped together for many years. I am the kind of person who has a list of everything I need to bring and bring everything but the kitchen sink. She usually brings her butt, an old tent, sleeping bags, a couple packs of hot dogs, and 4 teenagers, only one of which is hers. She always just expects to use all of our equipment (stove, barbecue, can opener, frying pan, air pump, etc). There have been times when she didn't even bring an extra set of clothes for the kids and I had to loan them my dry clothes after a rainstorm. I'm guilty, I suppose, of being nice and letting her use the stuff, because usually it's not necessary to have two camp stoves, etc, for two couples. The last straw was when she invited another couple to join us and I overheard her tell them not to worry about not having camping gear they could just use TheShadow's. One time she borrowed an extra tent of ours when she was camping without us, and unknown to us, she loaned it to someone else!. I had to ask for it back months later and she had to call around to find it after the person she loaned it to loaned it to someone else. When it was finally returned, half the tent-poles were broken or missing. Neither a borrower nor lender be!
Just practice saying, "I'm sorry but I no longer lend tools, I'm sure you understand." If she asked me to cut it for her, I would, but with the caveat that it's a one-shot deal and she will need to get her own saw if she needs it again.
I'm not a mean person, but I don't like to be taken advantage of. I often offer to help someone if they are having a difficult time, but I don't like it when people feel they are entitled to use my stuff.
Badmouthing you and your husband to her dying day, I'll bet.
I'm not sure how saying something outrageous about my husband translates into bad mouthing my husband to her dying day
Maybe you're psychic? Maybe you're just brilliant Maybe this is inappropriate
Elderly people sometimes get strange ideas. I'm going through this with my mother-in-law. We have never had the best relationship but I was driving over 6 hours to go and help her with John. We spoiled her and I did everything from cleaning out the food museum in her fridge to washing her granny big fat panties. John leaned on her pretty hard about going into assisted living. I stayed neutral. Now all of a sudden I put too much pressure on her according to my brother-in-law. She can't make her son the bad guy so I'm it. So be it. I'm happy never having to go back there again. I even helped her bathe I'll never get that image out of my brain.
Maybe you should stop and think a little before you post something like that.
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Maybe you're psychic? Maybe you're just brilliant 
Maybe this is inappropriate 
I'll never get that image out of my brain. 
