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Well it's going to be his business when he has to give financial support due to her poor choices.
Unless she runs up major medical bills I doubt that will come to pass. He talks like his parents are well on the road to the poorhouse but from the figures he's mentioned they'll be able to get by in this area, albeit it won't be a lavish lifestyle.
Kind of like his harping about the new car, if his dad's still working they should have it paid off by retirement. What were the alternatives, drive the other until it literally falls apart, or maybe they should have started planning twenty years ago how to time the purchases of their vehicles so that they wouldn't need a new one before they retired? God forbid they live another twenty years and need yet another car in that time.
I had a large delivery from Amazon sent over there instead of my condo where anyone could see it. I picked it up yesterday.
The trash was still at the road. Mail wasn't picked up. Mail was piled up on the kitchen counter and who knows how long it had been since it has been opened/read. The 20 year old cat didn't have any wet food and she was mad. Dad must have started some towels before he went to work and mom hadn't put them in the dryer.
I cleaned the bedroom while they were on vacation and she has no hoarded it up that the closest and window are inaccessible ago. It's extremely frustrating.
I remember when you cleaned and organized the room. I'm not surprised to hear she crapped it up again.
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Originally Posted by 1insider
Man, I feel bad for you. I imagine the situation is only going to get worse. You're fostering her behavior at this point. She knows that you'll take care of anything she ignores. Try staying away for a month and see what happens
The thing is that SC knows it will fall on his dad if he doesn't help out as much as he can. SC is helping because he loves his dad, doesn't want to see anything bad happen to him. They all can't afford to have anything happen to his dad or things are going to be very urgent for SC to reign his mother in to clean up years worth of messes that her being lazy and having a shopping addiction caused. I was very close to my dad too, so I understand where he's coming from.
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Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
I don't think it'll be today or tomorrow, but I don't think they've sufficiently planned this out.
They took out a car note on a CR-V last year. Both previous cars (a Camry and Corolla - Corolla gave trouble) were paid for. It's not a top of the line model and they did get something out of the Corolla, so I doubt the payment is that high, but it's just indicative of a lack of planning. If it were me, I'd have either not bought the CR-V, paid cash for it, or if they had to finance, keep working until it's paid for.
They really didn't need that CR-V.
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Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
I asked her the other day if she had applied yet to collect her SS benefits. She looked shocked and said "that's none of your business." If she had done it, she would have just said yes. My guess is that she hasn't and they're going to be several months without those benefits coming in.
Also ask her if she's applied for unemployment. If she says the same like I'm sure she will, ask her does she need help. At least this way you'll know they were both started and at least she may have some sort of money start coming in soon.
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Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
Her health is bad and he is in good shape. I think something will happen to her before him, but if something happens to him, they're screwed. His employer is also extremely disorganized (they'll send production crew home on Monday/Tuesday without pay, then want to work a Saturday) and there are rumors that the family that owns it are wanting to sell it. In any event, the facility has been there for decades, but the name has changed a ton.
Even though he's in good shape, something very well could happen to him 1st. It happened to my friend with her parents. Her dad has dementia and prostate issues yet her mom who was healthy and just dropped dead one day.
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Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
She's still doing the shopping. She bought more sheets and a comforter for my bed, which I didn't request or need. I had two quilts and a heavier comfort - I didn't need another. She brought more "stuff" in that she had just bought on moving day when the house was a debris field and furniture was all over the place. I don't ask for this stuff and don't even really want it, yet she keeps shopping anyway.
She obviously can't stop herself from shopping.
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Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
My gut feeling is it will play out like this. She's still going to keep shopping and spending, and do virtually nothing around the house. He's going to be working full time, she's going to be in that chair doing nothing, and he's going to be doing all the household stuff too. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if their marriage doesn't end up strained by all this.
I wonder if it will be enough to send your father over the edge to divorce her?
I know you want to help your dad but I would back out of their lives. Maybe take them out to dinner twice a month and don’t go over to the house since you bought your own place. They are adults and will figure it out.
You seem overly involved in your parents finances. However I do enjoy your posts.
As much as it seems someone may be overstepping, it's perfectly acceptable to be curious exactly how much of a shortfall they'll be on the hook for when the parents can no longer pay their own expenses.
Tangent but a serious question that I found this thread appropriate for:
If you REACH a retirement milestone, say, qualifying for a pension. You're at 30+ years and can put in for retirement ANY time you like. If you get fired AFTER reaching the milestone for creditable service, do you still collect your pension?
If you are not out of the house, it is time to save your money and make plans to rent a room somewhere else. How old are you, and what do you do for work if you are out of high school and/or college? You may need to find a life of your own, or get stuck raising your mother. She does not sound mature.
Tangent but a serious question that I found this thread appropriate for:
If you REACH a retirement milestone, say, qualifying for a pension. You're at 30+ years and can put in for retirement ANY time you like. If you get fired AFTER reaching the milestone for creditable service, do you still collect your pension?
In my experience, when this happened, they were called in and told that now would be a good time to put in retirement papers. That happened to a woman I worked with shortly after I retired. She was one of the first women engineers they ever hired, but by the time I knew her, she didn't seem to do anything all day. She was called in and spoken to many times, and she seemed shocked and angry that she was perceived that way, but she had stacks of paper all over her office and never met deadlines. Very cheerful, nice person, but didn't seem to be able to handle her workload, which had been reduced down to more contract administration type stuff than actual engineering. She had 30-something years, and finally they actually suspended her. Like a month off with no pay. When her suspension was up they said, "Just retire. NOW." It was awkward, too, because her husband also was an engineer there.
An exception to that could be if they did something illegal or broke confidentiality or embarrassed our employer publicly. For those things you could potentially forfeit your pension. Even so, when that happened, the employee usually fought it and won.
Sounds like your mom was telling everyone she was retiring for about the last 2 years, only 319 days left, only 123 days left and people got tired of listening to her!
You seem overly involved in your parents finances. However I do enjoy your posts.
And you seem....well never mind on that....
Some adult children actually do care about their parents finances -- because if the parents DON'T have enough money in retirement, those adult children could end up helping to support those parents.
Would you rather someone NOT be interested in his/her parents well-being and possible need of financial help?
And of course there's a difference between knowing about parents finances and being involved in them.
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As much as it seems someone may be overstepping, it's perfectly acceptable to be curious exactly how much of a shortfall they'll be on the hook for when the parents can no longer pay their own expenses.
Thank goodness ....someone with some common sense Reps to you.
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Originally Posted by ddm2k View Post
Tangent but a serious question that I found this thread appropriate for:
If you REACH a retirement milestone, say, qualifying for a pension. You're at 30+ years and can put in for retirement ANY time you like. If you get fired AFTER reaching the milestone for creditable service, do you still collect your pension?
In most cases no it doesn't cost you your pension.
Last edited by selhars; 10-04-2019 at 07:17 AM..
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Reps to you.
