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Hubby's family, whom we haven't really seen or had anything to do with, will send us wedding invites 2-3 days before the event. What that says to me is "send a gift or cash but don't come." (We live several states away.) At first I would diligently send a card with a check in it. After the 3rd time, I now just throw them in the trash. These people never pick up the phone and call us, have never even sent us a Christmas card (we've been married over 30 years) and they want to shake us down? No way.
Hubby's family, whom we haven't really seen or had anything to do with, will send us wedding invites 2-3 days before the event. What that says to me is "send a gift or cash but don't come." (We live several states away.) At first I would diligently send a card with a check in it. After the 3rd time, I now just throw them in the trash. These people never pick up the phone and call us, have never even sent us a Christmas card (we've been married over 30 years) and they want to shake us down? No way.
Me too. I would also choose to assume that the late invitations were because the people wanted me there but were worried it would cause issue. So, as that is the case, I wouldn't want to cause issue with a gift. So, just a card.
Yep, I wouldn't simply assume that they were grubbing for gifts. I'd actually be grateful that they'd thought enough of me to send an announcement. It's just plain old good manners to pick up a card of congratulations AND let them know how much you appreciate them sending you an announcement. Tossing it in the garbage?..with no response?..that just seems rude.
Yep, I wouldn't simply assume that they were grubbing for gifts. I'd actually be grateful that they'd thought enough of me to send an announcement. It's just plain old good manners to pick up a card of congratulations AND let them know how much you appreciate them sending you an announcement. Tossing it in the garbage?..with no response?..that just seems rude.
Perhaps YOU wouldn't think they were grubbing for gifts, but I know these folks. As I noted, they have never so much as picked up the phone to see how we're doing, never a Christmas card, we actually haven't seen them in decades - in fact, if a member of his family were to walk past us on the street, we wouldn't know who they are.
I'm sorry you think I'm being rude, but who sends an invite to someone several states away timed to arrive 2-3 days prior to the event? We're not talking one invite, EVERY invite has been that way. "Rude" is not reading Ms. Manners to know you send out of state invites at least six weeks prior to the event.
I have excellent manners, but I'm not a doormat. Frankly, we DON'T appreciate them sending us an invite/announcement. If I send anything, it'll only encourage them to continue.
I'll just add that receiving an invitation does not obligate you to send a gift unless you want to.
The only wedding I ever was in charge of was my daughter's. We sent invitations to distant relatives, who I had not seen since I was a kid, like my aunt and uncle in different states. We did so, not because we thought they would come-we would have loved it if they had- but so they would know that my daughter was getting married; to keep them in the loop.
It was not, by any means, meant to be a shake down for gifts.
I did give a very big party once for my son's high school graduation, and chose not to invite close friends of my husband's and mine because they really did not know my son, and I was worried they would feel obligated to give him money. I found out that several of them were very disappointed that they weren't invited.
Perhaps YOU wouldn't think they were grubbing for gifts, but I know these folks. As I noted, they have never so much as picked up the phone to see how we're doing, never a Christmas card, we actually haven't seen them in decades - in fact, if a member of his family were to walk past us on the street, we wouldn't know who they are.
I'm sorry you think I'm being rude, but who sends an invite to someone several states away timed to arrive 2-3 days prior to the event? We're not talking one invite, EVERY invite has been that way. "Rude" is not reading Ms. Manners to know you send out of state invites at least six weeks prior to the event.
I have excellent manners, but I'm not a doormat. Frankly, we DON'T appreciate them sending us an invite/announcement. If I send anything, it'll only encourage them to continue.
Are they supposed to have a special card that they send out to people whom they know won't come? Sending an announcement to someone who lives several states away....well, that's pretty obvious that they don't exactly expect you to attend, especially if they're sending it a few days before the wedding. Do YOU send Christmas cards to them?
I don't mean to sound rude or judgemental, but upon reading this statement, "Frankly, we DON'T appreciate them sending us an invite/announcement. If I send anything, it'll only encourage them to continue." , your declaration of your excellent manners is fairly unconvincing.
We have family members whom we have not seen for decades either, nor do we exchange Christmas cards, however, we DO receive graduation announcements, birth announcements and wedding announcements. We rarely attend those functions, but we DO send them a card, thanking them for sharing the good news and wishing them the best.
I think I tend to agree with beachmel...seeing an invitation as a slight is a really horrible way to look at it, especially as you have not spoken with them in a long time. Maybe they debated back and forth on the intelligence of sending it as it opened issues. maybe there was a person who didn't want it sent and others who did. There is really no way to know for certain, but assuming an invitation is ill-intentioned is honestly adding unnecessary angst.
My fiancee's ex wife lies all the time. I have caught her personally, rewriting things I was THERE for and even on one personal favorite occasion, rewriting what I SAID in a certain situation. It was fascinating, but I digress. Yet, I treat her as if she is telling the truth. If she needs to change an arrangement because she says the daughter has a dr's appointment, while possibly a lie (caught her in one of these too...in court) I merely say "ok". It is not worth the issues of trying to figure out her motivation, especially as a half hour time change in something is barely worth the issue. i think this is the same. So what if the invite arrived late...send a card, or not. But storing bitterness is pointless,
Also, and I am not trying to be rude...but I wonder if you are assuming things about them based on some pretty obvious anger that remains toward them. Would YOU send them an invite in order to beg for gifts? If no, then stop assuming they would. If yes, well, I have nothing to say to that.
The single best way, and the only truly proper way, to "ask" for cash is to not ask at all. If someone asked for cash on a wedding invitation I'd be inclined to buy them monogrammed towels that can't be returned
So what I would suggest is to make a very small registry. People will look at it and immediately understand. And I'm sure you have a few things that could use replacing or upgrading! You should also decline any showers, because those are meant to shower the bride with gifts -- watching her open envelopes of cash is lame, and many people would find it rude.
Additionally, if anyone asks you or your immediate family where you're registered, it's perfectly appropriate to say "We created a small registry at Crate and Barrel, but we're also saving for [a new home/ new furniture etc]
Yes.
One of the classiest wedding invitations I ever received was with a couple where both had been single for a while and they had everything they needed already -- in fact combined they had more than enough.
So they put something on their wedding invitations to that effect, they didn't want anything but the pleasure of guests coming to the wedding to celebrate their marriage with them and having a fun time at the reception.
I don't remember how they worded it.
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