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Well, ultimately I think a wedding should be a happy thing and if the couple wants cash or a gift from the registry, I will be happy to oblige to the best of my ability. I wouldn't get offended or think it was tacky if they had some preference - as long as they aren't totally crazy about it.
Sometimes even if I do not go to the wedding, I will still send $50 or an equivalent gift from their registry. Just because I can't go and they aren't spending money on my plate of food doesn't mean I can't give them something just to help them out. What comes around goes around anyways. When I was a poor student I still gave $50 for weddings I could not attend and years later the same people ended up giving me more than $300! Totally unexpected! I guess my gesture didn't hurt!
If you invite only your good friends they should understand your wishes and not be judgmental.
The best way I would imagine is by word of mouth. My cousin will have this issue, as the couple are late 20's with established (read: lucrative) law careers in Washington each with their own apartments (read: they're covered for stuff). If the mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and best friends are informed, the word will spread, by hook or by crook, over the months leading up to the wedding.
As for my personal opinion, I'm of the opinion that signature pieces, little delectables, or cash is ideal. Why burden your friends and family with "Made in China" junk that will be a landfill WELL before the 5th anniversary? An heirloom for close family or a best friend...or a high quality designer piece are great. My personal favorite is to send a "breakfast set" of hard to find luxury tea, coffee, and jams. Given the nature of the items, it's still an inexpensive gift (under $50) while it can make for very pleasant mornings. Cash speaks for itself.
Typical (American) etiquette says that no mention of gifts should EVER be included on the invitation. Gifts, although traditional, should never be expected. Asking for cash appears greedy. As one poster mentioned early on, when asked where you are registered/what you would like, indicate that you aren't registered anywhere because you have all that you need.
If you want cash to help finance your wedding or honeymoon, you obviously need to budget better.
I find money trees and dollar dances to be tres tacky and refuse to participate in them. If I got an invite with a request for money, no matter how "cutely" phrased, I will decline to attend your "cash grab" that is disguised as a wedding.
I actually agree with the couple (and possibly the parents) paying for the wedding, that includes the meals and all the other things needed. I believe this is the normal thing to do.
That is one of the main problems with weddings in Romania: when you are invited to a wedding you know you need a lot of money because you pay for what you eat. And then, when you have your wedding, the guests pay for what they eat, too.
This is just the tradition around here, it is the way things go, but sometimes it really is difficult especially when you have more weddings to attend; and there is another problem: some couples choose restaurants who have more expensive menus and that I don't think is fair. I understand tradition and all that, but don't force me to pay so much because maybe I won't show up at all; of course, at the end of the party, all meals have to be payed, so if someone doesn't show up, the couple pays.
As for the original question of the OP, I think if you spread the word it would be the better solution. Some will still buy presents, but most will give you money, I believe.
"Don't give us gifts, they don't mean jack
I'll only return them and get cash back
Save yourself the time and gas miles
Cash in an envelope is what brings us smiles"
I wish that was appropriate.
Sometimes it would be so nice if we could all drop the BS facade & say what we really feel....and I don't mean in a rude way, but put aside the social protocol to actually accomplish stuff. What difference does it make if someone buys you towels or just gives you the cash they'd spend anyway? It's the same money out of their pocket; you're not asking them to do anything extraordinary when it comes to the bottom line.
A lot of people are assuming the "invitation' is to the wedding. I agree it's rude to mention gifts then, but what about wedding showers? The purpose of those is to shower the bride & groom with gifts, usually stuff they may need to set up their new home. It's common then for registry info the be included.
Often times, people contact the bride's mom, maid of honor, etc, to find out where they are registered, so I suppose just having those people fill in guests who want to give something should work.
The OP is well over a year old, but to anyone still wondering: It is extremely gauche to ask for money for oneself as a wedding gift. It just is, period.
There is no circumstance under which this would be appropriate.
The single exception is noting "We are so happy to have you in our presence on our special day. That is your gift to us. If you are considering any additional gift, please donate to XXX in our name." And even that is sometimes iffy (and the money isn't technically for you anyway).
No one owes you a thing. *Propriety* says a wedding gift should equal the approximate *value* of the per-plate cost of the reception. That's just a basic guideline. *Manners* say you give a gift if you're invited to the wedding reception. These are niceties, NOT requirements.
It's assumed in certain cultures and/or among family members/close friends that some money will be given. (That's why bride's money purses exist.) Even in a case like this money is by no means to be *expected* from any guest.
Yes, I know, life's tough, cash is better, weddings are expensive, etc. Nobody twisted your arm and forced you to have a Pretty Pretty Princess wedding complete with the $800 dove release. Nobody (but you) told you the two of you just "had" to have a family car now, 3 years in advance of children, with a monthly payment to the tune of $375. None of your wedding guests singlehandedly masterminded the collapse of the U.S. economy, hence making things "harder for" couples just starting out (ever wondered, even for a minute, whether things are "harder" for established families, with mortgages, kids in school, etc. too? Look outside your own selfishness and you may find an answer...and do keep in mind that this description fits many of the people YOU'RE demanding, er, asking *cash* from).
Nobody owes you anything except their presence and their love when they come to your wedding. Gifts are to be appreciated no matter what they are. I don't care if it's a plastic mermaid with a clock in her bellybutton. You invite people to your wedding and reception to share in your joy, not to get something material back. You can have a guest registry as a way to make things easier for your guests. That's a service to them. To ask for cash? Gauche, gauche, gauche. Never, under any circumstances.
Last edited by JerZ; 06-29-2011 at 08:10 PM..
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I guess my gesture didn't hurt! 
