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Where on earth does etiquette state that a gift is about giving what you want, not what the couple needs? It is tacky to be concerned with what you want to give, not what the couple needs, that imo, is the only tacky thing here, not getting cash.
And speaking of etiquette, it is poor etiquette NOT to give a gift.
This statement really bothers me....I work hard for MY money ... it is therefore MY money...if I am to buy YOU a gift out of the goodness of my heart it will be what I WANT to buy not what I am INSTRUCTED to buy with MY money.
It is not about entitlement although that is what it seems to be these days.
Beachmel yes I do remember.
Funny yesterday I had a baby shower here yesterday for my son and his wife...they were so humble and grateful and a little embarrassed with the attention. They were encouraged to do a registry and everyone said all they put down was blankets. Most people gave what they want and the parents and grandparent bought them what they need. We had 40 guests and everyone had a great time and my future grandson even got his very first fishing rod.
Well, a thoughtful gift-giver will consider the couple's needs when purchasing a gift (or giving money,) but at the same time, they should feel free to give something of their own choosing. It's Bridezilla-ish for the bride (or anyone) to look down on guests who didn't give her exactly what she wanted, regardless of the gesture.
The way weddings/showers are now, it's ass-backwards. It should be that you find out that someone is getting married or having a baby and you want to commemorate the event with a thoughtful gift. It shouldn't be that you are invited to a party solely to stack the gift table high, and on top of that are told what to bring.
We've received 5 wedding invitations for this summer alone...3 out of 5 of these invitations have gift registry websites. Go to the site and you can see all of the gifts they want selected. I dunno....maybe I'm just old school and all or maybe I'm just PRACTICAL.... Most of the selected gifts are things which belong on "want" lists, NOT "need" lists. Most of the gifts are frivolous, ridiculous things which I would consider impractical, overprices, luxury items, most of which the people will never use!
Sorry...these people will always get "practical" from me, things that they will NEED and can USE. One of those couples, will definitely be getting money, because I know that's exactly what they need the most.
Every couple can use a $50 gift card to home store or home improvement store (if you know they own a house). Useful, practical, thoughtful...makes me feel better than spending the same amount on some stupid gravy boat or two pairs of hand towels.
This statement really bothers me....I work hard for MY money ... it is therefore MY money...if I am to buy YOU a gift out of the goodness of my heart it will be what I WANT to buy not what I am INSTRUCTED to buy with MY money.
It is not about entitlement although that is what it seems to be these days.
Beachmel yes I do remember.
Funny yesterday I had a baby shower here yesterday for my son and his wife...they were so humble and grateful and a little embarrassed with the attention. They were encouraged to do a registry and everyone said all they put down was blankets. Most people gave what they want and the parents and grandparent bought them what they need. We had 40 guests and everyone had a great time and my future grandson even got his very first fishing rod.
Oh gosh! Congratulations!! CW, my daughter was overwhelmed with her gifts too, and a little embarrassed at the amount she received, as were we! She ONLY wanted people here who were truly friends, honestly people we were close to, and it was not an exclusively female shower either. In fact, a couple of them were truck driver/mechanics whom my husband works with, and their wives, who are very close to my family.
Some of the guests were "over the top" generous and showed up with bushel baskets and boxes of gifts. Seriously, she was tremendously grateful, but yes, embarrassed a bit as well. We do have dear, dear friends.
Oh I LOVE that your grandson got his first fishing pole! OMG that's precious!!!
Every couple can use a $50 gift card to home store or home improvement store (if you know they own a house). Useful, practical, thoughtful...makes me feel better than spending the same amount on some stupid gravy boat or two pairs of hand towels.
Me too! And stan4, nothing makes me feel better than having someone thank me months later for my gift, "OMG I use it all the time!, or I'm so glad we had that gift card, because we needed ______, and were short on cash!"
Most of the gifts are frivolous, ridiculous things which I would consider impractical, overprices, luxury items, most of which the people will never use!
It surprises me that people still register for stuff like china, crystal, silver, etc. because I don't know anyone who entertains like that anymore. Even my mother uses her china and silver only on Thanksgiving. Or you see things on the registry that are just complete money grabs. Like, why does my college roommate, who I know for a fact can barely make toast, need expensive professional-quality kitchen appliances? A blender is a blender.
Tacky if you put it in writing. You have to put it out by word of mouth that you have everything and would prefer cash. Some people might give you cash and some might not.
I bought this couple a real nice crystal vase for their wedding. It was around Christmas so I filled it with these over sized jingle bells and then got small ones to sprinkle around the tissue. I paid attention to details. I put it on the table with the others and all at the reception. After the night was over I went home and what did I see on my kitchen table? The card that went with the gift.
It surprises me that people still register for stuff like china, crystal, silver, etc. because I don't know anyone who entertains like that anymore. Even my mother uses her china and silver only on Thanksgiving. Or you see things on the registry that are just complete money grabs. Like, why does my college roommate, who I know for a fact can barely make toast, need expensive professional-quality kitchen appliances? A blender is a blender.
That is exactly what I'm talking about!!!!! I was floored at some of the ridiculous crap on the gift registry of one of my friends' daughters. Yes! This girl does NOT cook and neither does her fiance!! She's more interested in eating out...or spending a fortune on clothes, makeup, mani-pedi trips, professional hair dyes/frosts/cuts, etc. One of the gifts requested? ...a fancy-a$$ spice rack for $175. Hello? These people do not COOK!! If the spice rack got filled with spices, they would go bad before 1/10th of them got used! I guarantee that those people use all of maybe 4 spices in their home...2 of them are salt & pepper!!!
LOL.....Oh well, hehe, who are we to judge, right? I mean, when you have a fancy kitchen....and you don't cook, well...you don't need the countertop space. You might as well fill it up with "dressed to impress" appliances and spice racks to add some bling to the space, eh? LOL
That is exactly what I'm talking about!!!!! I was floored at some of the ridiculous crap on the gift registry of one of my friends' daughters. Yes! This girl does NOT cook and neither does her fiance!! She's more interested in eating out...or spending a fortune on clothes, makeup, mani-pedi trips, professional hair dyes/frosts/cuts, etc. One of the gifts requested? ...a fancy-a$$ spice rack for $175. Hello? These people do not COOK!! If the spice rack got filled with spices, they would go bad before 1/10th of them got used! I guarantee that those people use all of maybe 4 spices in their home...2 of them are salt & pepper!!!
LOL.....Oh well, hehe, who are we to judge, right? I mean, when you have a fancy kitchen....and you don't cook, well...you don't need the countertop space. You might as well fill it up with "dressed to impress" appliances and spice racks to add some bling to the space, eh? LOL
This is an excellent point. People registering for stuff they think they are supposed to have to dress up their house but that they will NEVER use.
We don't have any formal plates...well, my wife's grandmother did leave her some when she died last year...but we wouldn't have had any formal plates. But that is ok...because total number of formal dinners we have ever had: ZERO. Number of great dinners we have hosted and people have seemed fine to eat off of whatever plates we had for regular use: MANY.
In fact, we have this gorgeous formal dining room set that looks absolutely lovely...and I wonder if we'll ever eat on it.
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It is tacky to be concerned with what you want to give, not what the couple needs, that imo, is the only tacky thing here, not getting cash.
Most of the selected gifts are things which belong on "want" lists, NOT "need" lists. Most of the gifts are frivolous, ridiculous things which I would consider impractical, overprices, luxury items, most of which the people will never use! 
And stan4, nothing makes me feel better than having someone thank me months later for my gift, "OMG I use it all the time!, or I'm so glad we had that gift card, because we needed ______, and were short on cash!"
