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I don't understand all the criticism and "tacky" comments.
In many, many cultures, including mine, cash is the expected gift. There is nothing tacky about it.
A gift is about what the couple needs, not what you feel like getting them.
Yes, but they don't 'need' anything, or they would have registered for the things instead of asking for cash.
Plus, you don't ever ASK for presents. People bestow them upon you out of the goodness of their hearts. An obligation present is no present at all.
My wife is expecting and she wants to register for the baby store...she's carrying, so she gets final word, but I hate the idea of asking people to buy us stuff just bc she's pregnant.
You made me think of a wedding my husband and I were invited to some years ago. It was for two of his co-workers and the entire office as well as a guest per person were included. We were all invited by formal invitation.
When we all got there we were absolutely appalled....we were all invited as the "second shift" the wedding and reception had already taken place and the party had been in full force. Apparently we were all invited for a gift...Not one person was even offered a cheese and cracker.
None of us have ever gotten over that and it still comes up in conversation.
OMG!! Seriously?! Holy CRAP! That's definitely one for the books. How disgusting! Remember another thread we spoke on?....where I made the statment, "Where are the MANNERS! Are some people just socially retarded!" I think these people fit that statement to a "T"!
I've mentioned before, but it merits repeating (IMHO). I gave my daughter a baby shower. It was HUGE. We have quite a lot of family and friends, so does my daughter. Seriously, there were nearly 45 adults invited to this shower. Many of our guests brought additional guests and suffice it to say, it's a good thing that we have a huge attached greenhouse for additional room.
Anywaaaaaay, my grandson's other gramma, told my daughter (right before the shower), that she would like to throw an additional shower for her, because she had some family members who lived out of town, as well as many wealthy co-workers of hers she could invite. She said, 'Hey, I know you don't know them, but they give really great gifts and you can use all the help you can get when you're having a new baby. The more gifts the better!" Sorry...we were APPALLED!! DD let her know that although she appreciated the offer, and she was sorry some of HER family were going to be unable to attend the shower, one shower was more than enough gifts."
It didn't end there though...right up until the day of the shower, she was trying to pressure my DD into allowing her to hold another shower. Of course, when she saw the number of people who showed up and saw the truckload of gifts my daughter received, she shut up. Also...we are expert party planners, ONLY inviting people who will mesh and get along fabulously (not to sound snobbish), ALWAYS having tons of very well made foods and beverages and because we plan so extensively, everything goes off without a hitch and very little stress. I think she realized that there was no "competing" with our shower.
Even though that sounds snobby...you'd have to know this woman in order to appreciate the statement. She is lazy, incredibly stupid, not the least bit creative....and holds events which never end well. She wants to do things to make herself look good, but then ends up falling apart and calling upon others' sympathy in order to "get things done", while she sits back and talks about how tired and overwhelmed she is...or how "You're just so much BETTER at this than I am! It will turn out SO much better if YOU do it". Sorry...hehe....writing a book here!
Where on earth does etiquette state that a gift is about giving what you want, not what the couple needs? It is tacky to be concerned with what you want to give, not what the couple needs, that imo, is the only tacky thing here, not getting cash.
And speaking of etiquette, it is poor etiquette NOT to give a gift.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Etiquette, at least in the US, says otherwise. Despite what some people think, the gift is not mandatory, and it is the guest's decision as to what to give. A gift registry is a suggestion, not a shakedown of one's guests.
Well, according to Miss Manners/Emily Post/etc, you shouldn't say anything about gifts on the invitation itself. It's an invitation, not a shakedown. What you can do is let your family and friends know this tactfully, so that if anyone asks where you're registered they can say, "oh, they haven't registered anywhere, but they're saving for a down payment on a house." Or if you have a wedding website, put something there.
Where on earth does etiquette state that a gift is about giving what you want, not what the couple needs? It is tacky to be concerned with what you want to give, not what the couple needs, that imo, is the only tacky thing here, not getting cash.
And speaking of etiquette, it is poor etiquette NOT to give a gift.
If you absolutely do not have the money for a gift (even if the gift is money), I don't think it's poor etiquette to NOT give one and your presence and a card ARE a gift. However, when people show up to a wedding, considering it simply a source of free food and alcohol, and CHOOSE to not give a gift, THAT is extremely tasteless. I too, am the type of gift giver who feels the need to give people what they "need". Sometimes the greatest need IS money and I have no problem giving it.
Like HawkJ said, I've seen specific areas for money. Around here, money trees are quite popular.
Where on earth does etiquette state that a gift is about giving what you want, not what the couple needs? It is tacky to be concerned with what you want to give, not what the couple needs, that imo, is the only tacky thing here, not getting cash.
And speaking of etiquette, it is poor etiquette NOT to give a gift.
Well, a thoughtful gift-giver will consider the couple's needs when purchasing a gift (or giving money,) but at the same time, they should feel free to give something of their own choosing. It's Bridezilla-ish for the bride (or anyone) to look down on guests who didn't give her exactly what she wanted, regardless of the gesture.
The way weddings/showers are now, it's ass-backwards. It should be that you find out that someone is getting married or having a baby and you want to commemorate the event with a thoughtful gift. It shouldn't be that you are invited to a party solely to stack the gift table high, and on top of that are told what to bring.
Well, according to Miss Manners/Emily Post/etc, you shouldn't say anything about gifts on the invitation itself. It's an invitation, not a shakedown. What you can do is let your family and friends know this tactfully, so that if anyone asks where you're registered they can say, "oh, they haven't registered anywhere, but they're saving for a down payment on a house." Or if you have a wedding website, put something there.
I love this! They're saving for a house, for a honeymoon, etc.
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Seriously?! Holy CRAP! That's definitely one for the books. How disgusting! Remember another thread we spoke on?....where I made the statment, "Where are the MANNERS! Are some people just socially retarded!" I think these people fit that statement to a "T"! 
It is tacky to be concerned with what you want to give, not what the couple needs, that imo, is the only tacky thing here, not getting cash.
