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I didn't read the responses, but we just didn't register for much...like 5 things. Then people had no choice but to send us cash or checks.
You did a disservice to your guests who were good enough to share in your day and your joy with you; if I had been pushed into a corner like that as a guest, I'd have picked out a gift from my *own* imagination...and you'd probably have been the recipient of that plastic mermaid clock I was talking about earlier. If you were lucky. (Going out of your way to visit the store with the receipt if it was not bought online, and trading it in for $29.95 so you could get some gas into your car for the return trip home, would then have been your prerogative; knock yourself out.)
You don't force or push your guests into handing you money. Why didn't you just turn around during the ceremony, hold out a gun and hold everyone up? That would have been quicker, easier, far more honest (and would have GUARANTEED no mermaid clocks).
The OP is well over a year old, but to anyone still wondering: It is extremely gauche to ask for money for oneself as a wedding gift. It just is, period.
There is no circumstance under which this would be appropriate.
The single exception is noting "We are so happy to have you in our presence on our special day. That is your gift to us. If you are considering any additional gift, please donate to XXX in our name." And even that is sometimes iffy (and the money isn't technically for you anyway).
No one owes you a thing. *Propriety* says a wedding gift should equal the approximate *value* of the per-plate cost of the reception. That's just a basic guideline. *Manners* say you give a gift if you're invited to the wedding reception. These are niceties, NOT requirements.
It's assumed in certain cultures and/or among family members/close friends that some money will be given. (That's why bride's money purses exist.) Even in a case like this money is by no means to be *expected* from any guest.
Yes, I know, life's tough, cash is better, weddings are expensive, etc. Nobody twisted your arm and forced you to have a Pretty Pretty Princess wedding complete with the $800 dove release. Nobody (but you) told you the two of you just "had" to have a family car now, 3 years in advance of children, with a monthly payment to the tune of $375. None of your wedding guests singlehandedly masterminded the collapse of the U.S. economy, hence making things "harder for" couples just starting out (ever wondered, even for a minute, whether things are "harder" for established families, with mortgages, kids in school, etc. too? Look outside your own selfishness and you may find an answer...and do keep in mind that this description fits many of the people YOU'RE demanding, er, asking *cash* from).
Nobody owes you anything except their presence and their love when they come to your wedding. Gifts are to be appreciated no matter what they are. I don't care if it's a plastic mermaid with a clock in her bellybutton. You invite people to your wedding and reception to share in your joy, not to get something material back. You can have a guest registry as a way to make things easier for your guests. That's a service to them. To ask for cash? Gauche, gauche, gauche. Never, under any circumstances.
Why all the bitterness?
No one is saying they obligate their guests to give anything, but the custom (as you note) is to give a gift at the reception (or a wedding shower), and if a couple already has most of the things they need for their home, then getting another blender is going to be a waste of money on the guest's part. The couple is also going to waste their time having to return it.
When I am a guest, I know I like to give something useful or fun to the bride/groom, and I appreciate being informed of what that may be. I don't see it as a request for gifts or cash; it's just INFORMATION advising what would be useful in case you would like to give something.
Not to mention, having a wedding does not mean spending some excessive amount of money you don't have. There's nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate an important milestone in life. People also tend to give gifts in such situations; pretending like you have no preferences means you'll end up with 50 toasters you don't need. A couple may have a modest wedding within their means & still prefer cash if they've already set up a home, but it seems difficult to communicate that to people without ruffling feathers. It seems people should just end up with stuff they don't want or need for fear of upsetting the etiquette police....
You did a disservice to your guests who were good enough to share in your day and your joy with you; if I had been pushed into a corner like that as a guest, I'd have picked out a gift from my *own* imagination...and you'd probably have been the recipient of that plastic mermaid clock I was talking about earlier. If you were lucky. (Going out of your way to visit the store with the receipt if it was not bought online, and trading it in for $29.95 so you could get some gas into your car for the return trip home, would then have been your prerogative; knock yourself out.)
You don't force or push your guests into handing you money. Why didn't you just turn around during the ceremony, hold out a gun and hold everyone up? That would have been quicker, easier, far more honest (and would have GUARANTEED no mermaid clocks).
I didn't care if people gave us a gift or not. We were glad to have all 40 of them as a part of our day and if there was a gift they gave us that they came up with we were grateful. Most just gave cash though and we were so grateful. Wow, that was harsh...
And money was tight we may have used it for gas to and from the reception. So shoot us. We were young and didn't have a lot of money, but we did have love
No one is saying they obligate their guests to give anything, but the custom (as you note) is to give a gift at the reception (or a wedding shower), and if a couple already has most of the things they need for their home, then getting another blender is going to be a waste of money on the guest's part. The couple is also going to waste their time having to return it.
When I am a guest, I know I like to give something useful or fun to the bride/groom, and I appreciate being informed of what that may be. I don't see it as a request for gifts or cash; it's just INFORMATION advising what would be useful in case you would like to give something.
Exactly, which is why there are gift registries...which the above poster commented she deliberately left choices off of in order to get money instead.
And money was tight we may have used it for gas to and from the reception. So shoot us. We were young and didn't have a lot of money, but we did have love
I wouldn't shoot you for it. I'm sorry money was tight. How much did you spend on your wedding, BTW? Money was tight for us too. So we didn't have a huge reception...and we didn't invite, and obligate, guests to give us some money.
"Contribute to the money tree in Lew of gifts" on the wedding announcement..been to a few like that recently. People hate shopping these days, would make it simple I think.
I didn't care if people gave us a gift or not. We were glad to have all 40 of them as a part of our day and if there was a gift they gave us that they came up with we were grateful. Most just gave cash though and we were so grateful. Wow, that was harsh...
No, it wasn't harsh...you deliberately stated that you made a gift registry of only five items so people would have to give you money! Now you say you were grateful for the gifts they "pretty much had to" give you?
Here's an idea: have a barbecue at a family member's house for your reception, pot luck, everyone brings something. Now that's a way to save money, rather than spending it and "pretty much" making people give you money back toward it.
"Contribute to the money tree in Lew of gifts" on the wedding announcement..been to a few like that recently. People hate shopping these days, would make it simple I think.
If a couple is going to more or less demand my cash at their wedding, would it be too much to ask that they at least spell it correctly?
Once again: The question is what the proper etiquette is for asking for money as wedding gifts. There is none. Period. Whether it's done or not isn't a marker of whether it contains a shred of class or not.
Out of money? Then don't have a princess-y reception. Have a backyard potluck and dance and party with your family. Or is that where romance ends and "but we WANT the chocolate fountain" begins?
Alternate answer: If you're asking people to hand you money, then you're pretty short on class as it is, so why worry about how you state it? Just state it. (Misspellings and all.)
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(Going out of your way to visit the store with the receipt if it was not bought online, and trading it in for $29.95 so you could get some gas into your car for the return trip home, would then have been your prerogative; knock yourself out.)
