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Who cares what people register for? It's their wedding, it's their registry. We registered for china - we couldn't use it for the first 5 years of our marriage because we were living in a studio apartment and didn't have room for it. We bought a house a little over a year ago and my mom sent us all of our china - and we have used it a bunch of times already. It wasn't crazy expensive and it's just nice to have something fancier than our everyday dinnerware. I also love to cook and entertain, and I hope to have lots of holidays at our house!
And registering for a wedding isn't always about what you need - it can also be about what you want. These are gifts we are talking about. If you don't want to get someone something because you think it's frivolous or stupid - then don't get it for them.
In terms of a polite way to ask for money - there probably isn't one. But if you don't register anywhere - you'll probably get more money and fewer gifts. We did register and still had a lot of people give us cash - which was great! We started our house fund with it!
This is an excellent point. People registering for stuff they think they are supposed to have to dress up their house but that they will NEVER use.
We don't have any formal plates...well, my wife's grandmother did leave her some when she died last year...but we wouldn't have had any formal plates. But that is ok...because total number of formal dinners we have ever had: ZERO. Number of great dinners we have hosted and people have seemed fine to eat off of whatever plates we had for regular use: MANY.
In fact, we have this gorgeous formal dining room set that looks absolutely lovely...and I wonder if we'll ever eat on it.
Exactly! LOL Many of these people don't even KNOW what they'll use in their kitchen, because they've never really spent any time there in order to find out. LOL Cool/pretty does not = practical or useful.
To be honest with you, I went through a "collector phase" years ago. I have some fabulous dinnerware sets, I kid you not...worth a FORTUNE! LOL Where are they? In boxes...stored away! I tried bringing them out a couple of times, years ago, for special occasions. Well, suffice it to say, I got a couple of chips and even a couple of broken plates.
My most frequently used "collection"? Corel from Salvation Army and Goodwill, collected over the years. They are all the same style, but many different patterns. I can stack TONS of them in a very small amount of space, they do not chip, or scratch and work wonderfully in the microwave. Rarely have we ever had a broken dish, since I started to use them. Oh, they make WONDERFUL acrylic paint palettes too!
I've had them for YEARS, through 4 kids and hundreds of guests....never a complaint. They're far more interested in what they're putting on those dishes than they are in the dishes!
Who cares what people register for? It's their wedding, it's their registry. We registered for china - we couldn't use it for the first 5 years of our marriage because we were living in a studio apartment and didn't have room for it. We bought a house a little over a year ago and my mom sent us all of our china - and we have used it a bunch of times already. It wasn't crazy expensive and it's just nice to have something fancier than our everyday dinnerware. I also love to cook and entertain, and I hope to have lots of holidays at our house!
And registering for a wedding isn't always about what you need - it can also be about what you want. These are gifts we are talking about. If you don't want to get someone something because you think it's frivolous or stupid - then don't get it for them.
In terms of a polite way to ask for money - there probably isn't one. But if you don't register anywhere - you'll probably get more money and fewer gifts. We did register and still had a lot of people give us cash - which was great! We started our house fund with it!
Well at least you've got something pretty to decorate your new house with!
Well at least you've got something pretty to decorate your new house with!
Actually, I didn't want to register for China but my husband is from the south. But like I said, I'm glad I have it and I have used it a bunch of times already. I also use our stemware a lot since we don't drink very often and our other stemware is as cheap as cheap can be. There are also times when we entertain that we eat off of paper plates - it just depends on the occassion.
I don't remember everything we registered for - it was awhile ago. I know we registered for bedding for our twin bed since that is what we slept on in our studio apartment (we got lots of laughs for that) . We also registered for towels, beer mugs, glasses, some kitchen stuff (I cook all the time and would have registered for more things had we had room for it all), and other misc. items. Had I known we were going to be judged for what we registered for by our friends and family - I probably would have been really paranoid!
I have never looked at someone's registry and thought - how awful of them to register for that! Or - they'll never need that - they just want it to look pretty! Like I said - these are gifts. Everyone has different taste and just because I don't feel something is necessary - that doesn't mean everyone should feel the exact same way as I do.
We just registered for baby things because my baby shower is coming up. In this case, almost all of what we registered for were things that we need. Some of the items are probably more expensive that some people would get for themselves but these are the things that we want. If people don't get them for us - we'll buy them ourselves. But there is a difference between registering for a baby shower and registering for a wedding. We already had a lot of things when we got married. We were already living together and I was 28 and my husband was 30. We had been on our own for awhile. So we registered for some things that we needed but a lot of things that we wanted that we might not necessarily buy for ourselves. However, we have never had a baby before and we have absolutely nothing for a baby. We are starting from scratch - so we pretty much just registered for things that we need since there are soooo many things that we really need.
Is there a polite way of requesting cash/gift cards instead of doing a registry and/or receiving other gifts?
how would this be worded exactly on the invitations?
To be honest, we just sent out an email saying that we do not want gifts because we live in a crapshack and have no space for any gifts. We requested only cash to help us with goal of buying a home. And we also said that giving a cash gift was optional. About 95% of people gave a cash gift. I'm sure the rest of them couldn't afford it (which is fine). There were 1-2 who just didn't care cuz they were total losers whom I didn't really want to invite anyways but was forced to - I didn't think they'd give anything either so I wasn't surprised nor expecting anything.
We made back the entire cost of the wedding. YEA! Best collective gift we could have asked for.
Well, here is something all of you probably didn't know:
I live in Romania (eastern Europe) and here at weddings you ALWAYS give money. Most weddings take place in restaurants or hotels and most of the guests ask before how much the menu costs. For example, if the menu is 70$, they have to pay the 70$ and something more, because this way the couple is left with something. This is a given, there are very few "western weddings" where the guests don't give money, only gifts. It has nothing to do with being petty or poor or anything like that, it's just the tradition. On the plus side, the bridesmaid can wear whatever she wants )
Getting married has 2 parts here: the part where you go to the city hall, for the legal part of the union (that is where you get the marriage certificate); after that, if you throw a party, the guests will bring gifts (but we rarely register, this is a new trend here and it almost never happens); the gifts are things needed in one's home, basically what you guys would register for. But we don't choose a place, so anybody can spend what he/ she wants (and, you can get the same thing twice or even worse).
And then there is the religious ceremony, at church when the bride has her dress and then everybody goes to the party that they pay for. It's just the way it is and this is why most times weddings are a burden for the guest, but they still pay the price, because their turn will come, too, and they will need the same thing.
Well, here is something all of you probably didn't know:
I live in Romania (eastern Europe) and here at weddings you ALWAYS give money. Most weddings take place in restaurants or hotels and most of the guests ask before how much the menu costs. For example, if the menu is 70$, they have to pay the 70$ and something more, because this way the couple is left with something. This is a given, there are very few "western weddings" where the guests don't give money, only gifts. It has nothing to do with being petty or poor or anything like that, it's just the tradition. On the plus side, the bridesmaid can wear whatever she wants )
Getting married has 2 parts here: the part where you go to the city hall, for the legal part of the union (that is where you get the marriage certificate); after that, if you throw a party, the guests will bring gifts (but we rarely register, this is a new trend here and it almost never happens); the gifts are things needed in one's home, basically what you guys would register for. But we don't choose a place, so anybody can spend what he/ she wants (and, you can get the same thing twice or even worse).
And then there is the religious ceremony, at church when the bride has her dress and then everybody goes to the party that they pay for. It's just the way it is and this is why most times weddings are a burden for the guest, but they still pay the price, because their turn will come, too, and they will need the same thing.
That's fascinating! Thank you for sharing!
I know of regional differences here in the United States but nothing like that! I know that in Maine, for instance, they always have a cash bar whereas in many areas, you always have an open bar. But I've never heard of the guests paying their own way - except at my Aunt's second wedding - but that was here so it was considered tackey!
In India, you pay for everything...the family of the groom has to be sure to pay for all their guests' lodging and meals prior to and during the whole stay (which is usually days bc of all the different ceremonies)...
The presents are usually good (and cash and gold and silk are king), but there's no attempt to recoup the cost of the wedding.
You invite people bc you want them there. Not bc of some present count.
I know of regional differences here in the United States but nothing like that! I know that in Maine, for instance, they always have a cash bar whereas in many areas, you always have an open bar. But I've never heard of the guests paying their own way - except at my Aunt's second wedding - but that was here so it was considered tackey!
My nephew got married a couple of years ago to a very strange girl and she was from a small family yet ours is very large.
They decided to do a website for their wedding filling everyone in on every single detail.
Well she made an announcement on it which everyone's mouths dropped open.
She told everyone if they wanted to come to the wedding then each person would have to pay 56.00 to buy their own plate of food and to let them know how many would be doing so.
Well the website was taken down I believe for tackiness and I forgot to add she was supposed to be this classy debutante'...
Needless to say yes the aunties were there as my nephew insisted and of course we were all ignored by the bride and her friends and she then handed my sister and brother in law a bill for $1600.00.
This is also a girl who is invited to every single thing the family does and never comes to. She also planned her own shower appointing each gift that those that would be coming should buy her...she wanted to play bridal BINGO with prizes and if someone won a prize she would get that too. It was the most uncomfortable bridal shower I have ever been to and I have been to many.
Her Dad stopped my neice at the door and made her spit out her gum which it wasn't it was chewable Rolaids....
I chose to buy my own gift for them and she was PO'd when she opened it which was something really nice from a candle place and the face she made was priceless as it wasn't on her "list".....I am sure they returned it.
My nephew got married a couple of years ago to a very strange girl and she was from a small family yet ours is very large.
They decided to do a website for their wedding filling everyone in on every single detail.
Well she made an announcement on it which everyone's mouths dropped open.
She told everyone if they wanted to come to the wedding then each person would have to pay 56.00 to buy their own plate of food and to let them know how many would be doing so.
Well the website was taken down I believe for tackiness and I forgot to add she was supposed to be this classy debutante'...
Needless to say yes the aunties were there as my nephew insisted and of course we were all ignored by the bride and her friends and she then handed my sister and brother in law a bill for $1600.00.
This is also a girl who is invited to every single thing the family does and never comes to. She also planned her own shower appointing each gift that those that would be coming should buy her...she wanted to play bridal BINGO with prizes and if someone won a prize she would get that too. It was the most uncomfortable bridal shower I have ever been to and I have been to many.
Her Dad stopped my neice at the door and made her spit out her gum which it wasn't it was chewable Rolaids....
I chose to buy my own gift for them and she was PO'd when she opened it which was something really nice from a candle place and the face she made was priceless as it wasn't on her "list".....I am sure they returned it.
CW....that is just disgusting...This person would cease to exist to me...completely invisible and non-existent!
Maybe this makes me a control freak, but ONLY non-socially retarded people are ever invited to functions at my home. Rude, inconsiderate, obnoxious people may not attend...only those who play well with others. If someone is invited and "stirs the pot", they are not invited again.
Since I started being selective about the guest lists...MANY years ago, our functions are blissful, happy occasions. No one fights, everyone has a fabulous, relaxing time....almost like attending a spa day....and every attendee looks forward to the next time. No one is in a huge hurry to leave because they are so comfortable and at home.
Unfortunately, it hurts some family members' feelings to not be invited, especially since they hear about the amazing time had by all who did, but some people simply can't attend gatherings without bringing their whining, complaining, and gossipping, having to be the center of attention, finding fault with others, eventually turning the "party" into a tense, depressing function. I will take the few hurt feelings of those left out...in order to ensure that my guests and family have a truly memorable (in a GOOD way) occasion.
We used to invite everyone...but experience has proven that the SAME people, year after year, were responsible for bringing the party down. If you can't behave appropriately and allow everyone else to have a good time, you will NOT be invited.
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