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I get irked when the SAHMs imply that they are somehow superior to any woman who hasn't pushed a couple of kids out, much like people who get up at 4 am feel they are somehow superior to anyone who gets up at 8.
What really stripped my gears, though, was that ridiculous, overblown piece of mommy-worship that took the form of trying to change tax law so that SAHM's were allowed a ridiculously huge exemption in addition to the personal exemption and of course the deductions for every kid. This was in the mid-late 90's. Luckily it blew over. It's not my responsibility to pay more tax because someone decided she'd rather have kids than work.
And all you posters who are complaining about how hard it is to be a working "mom", ask yourselves this: why is your husband not pulling his weight?
My husband totally pulls his weight. Guess what? It's still hard. I'm not sure why you would think otherwise. Oh, that's right... you don't know what the hell you're talking about because you've never done it!
I get irked when the SAHMs imply that they are somehow superior to any woman who hasn't pushed a couple of kids out, much like people who get up at 4 am feel they are somehow superior to anyone who gets up at 8.
First of all, your choice of words here is inflammatory.
Secondly, if you haven't "pushed a couple of kids out", you have no idea what that's like. None. If you haven't been a SAHM day in and day out, you really don't know what that's like either. I don't think that most SAHMs consider themselves superior to women without children. However, look at how this whole thread started. Why do SAHPs say that it's the "hardest job in the world"? Because people who haven't been there don't get it. And they say insulting things about it. They make jokes about soap operas and bon bons. If people without kids wouldn't be so pompous and disrespectful about parents staying home with their children, this entire subject wouldn't be an issue.
I feel really lucky to have a mom who didn't view caring for me as a "job" but as something you do when you love someone.
Wise words. Many see it as a privilege as not all can afford it.
Some "underdo it" and some "overdo it" like any other job, task or endeavor. It seems, in my observation, that many parents nowadays overdue it to the point of irritability and exhaustion which are the bulk of the complainers.
Americans are having less children today than any other point in history so why all the current complaining about being a SAHM? Do it RIGHT and being a SAHM is an investment in YOUR future almost as much as your child's!
But it's annoying when stay-at-home moms whine and brag endlessly about how it's the "hardest job in the world" or the "most important job in the world."
Raising your two little spoiled brats is more important than, say, saving lives?
"You don't know what tired is until you have kids."
"My job is way harder than your job..."
Things like that make it sound like they HATE being parents....
This is what I wonder about also. It makes it sound as though SAHMs wish they'd never had kids.
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Then, it's...
"You don't know what love is until you have a child."
Yeah, that bugs me too. Like I've never loved anyone in my life.
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Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
I wonder what makes non-parents feel that they have to be so critical of parents.
Lot or reasons, actually. The number one reason is you not being able or willing to control your kids. I think it's one thing if people see the parents trying to do something to control their kids, but when they just turn a blind eye, that really riles everyone, non-parents, other parents, and especially people who have raised their own kids. At that point I think all of those mentioned will be critical of that parent.
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Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE
The greatest work any mom will do is in the walls of her own home raising her kids. I don't see any other work as important as the work that goes on within the home.
And that right there is what riles people. As long as what you're saying remains your opinion, that's fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. It's when SAHMs take this attitude and then constantly complain about what it is they chose to do, or when they put down other women for not being moms and staying home with the kids, or put them down for being working moms that have to put their kids in daycare, that's when things get a little heated.
My opinion is that stating that the work that goes on in the home is the most important work there is, is overstating it a little. I think there's some work that is way more important than being a mother, staying home with the kids, and keeping up the household, so I would have to disagree with you on that statement.
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Originally Posted by NY Annie
Even when all kids are in school, that is when the school has needs - class parent, scouting, and many other "volunteer" jobs that women who work in addition to being Mom cannot do.
Again, those are things you don't have to do! Somewhere along the way, women lost the ability to say NO. Again, if you refuse to draw a line in the sand and volunteer yourself for all this crap, only to complain about how much time it takes in your day, you aren't winning any brownie points. It's one thing to be a mother, but it's something else entirely to confuse motherhood and sainthood and use being a mother as an excuse to stick yourself in the eye with a sharp twig all the time.
Here's something I read once that illustrates this so well:
"I may be about to make myself terribly unpopular, but any time a woman cites never
peeing by herself as one of the things she puts up with because She's A Mother,
my default reaction is: congratulations on your self-imposed martyrdom, now what
the hell is wrong with you? How on God's bluish-green Earth have you achieved such
a bizarrely specific annihilation of the self?
Solitary urination requires the following process:
Go into the bathroom. Close the door. Pee. Why is this a problem for you?
If your children want to follow you into the bathroom, well... that's nice,
but we don't get everything we want in this life and unless they're injured or something,
they can wait until you're done. "My mother left me alone, when she was all the way
in a different room of the house, for nearly TWO FULL MINUTES!" is not a story of parental
abandonment that is going to require therapy to correct.
If they whine, or even cry, well... that's what small children do to try and get
what they want, and sometimes being a parent means saying no anyway.
If you're not going to insist they let you *pee* in peace, where
exactly are you going to draw the boundary between "mother" and "doormat"?"
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Originally Posted by scatteredthunder
First of all, your choice of words here is inflammatory.
Secondly, if you haven't "pushed a couple of kids out", you have no idea what that's like. None. If you haven't been a SAHM day in and day out, you really don't know what that's like either. I don't think that most SAHMs consider themselves superior to women without children. However, look at how this whole thread started. Why do SAHPs say that it's the "hardest job in the world"? Because people who haven't been there don't get it. And they say insulting things about it. They make jokes about soap operas and bon bons. If people without kids wouldn't be so pompous and disrespectful about parents staying home with their children, this entire subject wouldn't be an issue.
Understood. But again, if being a mom is your choice, why penalize the rest of us who deliberately didn't make that choice with all your complaints of how hard it is?
I remember saying once at work that I loved it when I could take an hour long bath and just relax. Some mom piped up and told me the only reason I could do that was because I didn't have kids. I didn't not have kids because I wanted to be able to take long, hot baths without an interruption, but let's face it, that's a benefit of not having kids. What am I supposed to do? Make myself miserable the next time I take a bath because this woman can't enjoy one? Or am I supposed to have a baby so I can share her misery?
I think I have a pretty miserable life right now, but I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me because of it. So when you complain because of how hard it is to birth a baby, or raise a child, maybe we don't know how hard it is - for you personally - but no one is going to feel sorry for you either. We all have our trials and tribulations, and we all think what we're doing is the hardest thing on earth. You just happen to think being a mom is hard and I just happen to think there's other things that are more difficult.
First of all, your choice of words here is inflammatory.
Secondly, if you haven't "pushed a couple of kids out", you have no idea what that's like. None. If you haven't been a SAHM day in and day out, you really don't know what that's like either. I don't think that most SAHMs consider themselves superior to women without children. However, look at how this whole thread started. Why do SAHPs say that it's the "hardest job in the world"? Because people who haven't been there don't get it. And they say insulting things about it. They make jokes about soap operas and bon bons. If people without kids wouldn't be so pompous and disrespectful about parents staying home with their children, this entire subject wouldn't be an issue.
I respectfully disagree.
The sad thing is that many of the SAHM, or just working mothers in general, do consider themselves superior, which is probably why there is so much animosity from non SAHM or even non parents whenever this comes up.
We may not be in the front trenches raising kids, but we are working with those who raise them while working full or part-time, and/or they are our best friends, sisters, cousins, etc, and we are the brunt of their ignorant comments and actions.
Here is the truth:
We joke about "soap operas and bon bons?"
-- This is a gut reaction to SAHMs telling us "my life has meaning now" implying that ours do not. (Nearly EVERY new mom has said this to me!)
We get irritated because you leave work early or call in "sick" on late notice?
-- This is because you don't acknowledge the toll it takes on others and will usually come to work the next day seeking empathy when really you should be apologizing for those who stayed to pick up your mess.
We get upset because your kid is kicking us on a plane and you continue to let them do it and tell them to ignore me for saying it? (true story from my latest flight)
-- We are in disbelieve that you would think "my kid is better than anyone else on the planet, can do no wrong, and has the right to be annoying because he's 'a kid'."
We are upset that parents do not recognize that they do indeed have "parental privilege" in our society. People are more likely to give up their seat on public transportation for both of you, you are more likely to get away with being late for work or taking more days off, you are less likely to be confronted when your kid is causing a scene at a restaurant, they do not have to be bombarded with questions like, "when are you going to have kids?" "Why aren't you married?" etc (all questions that can be seen upthread btw.)
I am not going to say that being a SAHM is not a "job" if you see it as one. But there are A LOT of care taking jobs that i would hope that you would agree were more difficult- e.g, taking care of a room full of demented elderly and changing their diapers while making ten bucks an hour, police in a high crime area, nurses in an inner city ER, teacher of kids and adults who assault you daily.
This is what I wonder about also. It makes it sound as though SAHMs wish they'd never had kids.
It's more of a "this is harder than I thought it would be". I know it was in my case. And it's not because I didn't know what was involved in taking care of children. I had younger siblings. I had to babysit them a lot. But so many things turned out differently than I expected. I would never say that I wish I hadn't had kids. I love my kids. But you couldn't pay me enough to have more now.
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If they whine, or even cry, well... that's what small children do to try and get
what they want, and sometimes being a parent means saying no anyway.
If you're not going to insist they let you *pee* in peace, where
exactly are you going to draw the boundary between "mother" and "doormat"?"
There aren't a lot of things you say "no" to when you're talking about a baby or toddler. They don't understand why you're saying no. They might go get into something else (possibly hurting themselves) while you're in the bathroom. Plus, if they start wailing, it does an immediate number on your nerves in a way that you don't understand unless you've been there. This is not just "stop that child's screaming" irritation. It's your child, your hormones being wonky, and there's only so much of that wailing you can handle in a day. It's easier to just leave the door open. Pick your battles.
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I remember saying once at work that I loved it when I could take an hour long bath and just relax. Some mom piped up and told me the only reason I could do that was because I didn't have kids. I didn't not have kids because I wanted to be able to take long, hot baths without an interruption, but let's face it, that's a benefit of not having kids. What am I supposed to do?
Heh. Nod and smile? Say "yeah, it has its perks" (depending on how you think she'd react). I can't really recall having that type of conversation with someone who wasn't a parent. I usually hung out with other parents. But you invited the conversation, right? You say you love taking a long bath. What was SHE supposed to say to you? "I used to love that too"? You apparently didn't think at all about the fact that she isn't able to do that. So she told you. *shrug*
Lot or reasons, actually. The number one reason is you not being able or willing to control your kids. I think it's one thing if people see the parents trying to do something to control their kids, but when they just turn a blind eye, that really riles everyone, non-parents, other parents, and especially people who have raised their own kids. At that point I think all of those mentioned will be critical of that parent.
.
Bull $$%&! This thread isn't about ones ability to control their kids. It is yet another working mom vs stay at home mom vs non-parents-who-think-they-know-it-all thread! We get criticized for working, criticized for not working, criticized if our kids aren't perfect, criticized if we say parenting is hard, criticized if we leave our kids' side ever, criticized if we bring them to the store with us... There is nothing we can do that would be acceptable to society and people like you who think they are allowed an opinion.
I dare you to spend a week at home with a baby and a toddler, then come back here and tell us how easy it all is. Go ahead.
Yes. Mothers in general do expect parental privilege. Before I started working for myself, I worked in a number of jobs in which employees that were mothers expected everyone to bend over backward for them. Calling in at the last minute because their child is sick, showing up late because of this/that/the other related to the kid, needing time off for the kid, having to bring the kid to work because of a lack of childcare...and so on and so forth. Yes, it was special treatment, and everyone's a jerk for not wanting to put up with it.
Then, after all of that, and needing special scheduling accommodations -- once again, because of the kid(s) -- they'd want to kiss up and get extra hours around Christmas/kid's birthday/whatever. Somehow, they deserved the extra hours because of their kids, even over the people who covered for them constantly and worked the worst and most hours, etc. the rest of the time.
I told my husband that if I ever started a business that required employees, I would never want to hire mothers. I'm not sure that's legal, but it's the truth.
Then, we get into the business of stay-at-home moms. Some claim that they've never heard complaints from SAHMs, but I think that's probably not the truth. It's all over Facebook and the Internet, all day, every day. It's constant in "real life." No matter what your job is or what you're going through life, it's never. as. bad. as being a stay-at-home mom. Stay-at-home moms are underappreciated, they're underpaid, blah blah blah blah blah.
Then, when you have something GOOD going on in life, that's never as GOOD as being a mom.
"Oh, you love your dog? Well, that's cute. I used to love my dog too, until I had my daughter. Then, I realized that being a mom is just a totally different thing. Once you have a kid of your own, you'll understand that having a dog just isn't that important. You'll never understand the love and joy of being a mom until you are one."
And blah blah blah blah.
Since moms always want to interject their opinions into everything, maybe it's not that unfair for others to do the same.
Yes. Mothers in general do expect parental privilege. Before I started working for myself, I worked in a number of jobs in which employees that were mothers expected everyone to bend over backward for them. Calling in at the last minute because their child is sick, showing up late because of this/that/the other related to the kid, needing time off for the kid, having to bring the kid to work because of a lack of childcare...and so on and so forth. Yes, it was special treatment, and everyone's a jerk for not wanting to put up with it.
Then, after all of that, and needing special scheduling accommodations -- once again, because of the kid(s) -- they'd want to kiss up and get extra hours around Christmas/kid's birthday/whatever. Somehow, they deserved the extra hours because of their kids, even over the people who covered for them constantly and worked the worst and most hours, etc. the rest of the time.
I told my husband that if I ever started a business that required employees, I would never want to hire mothers. I'm not sure that's legal, but it's the truth.
Then, we get into the business of stay-at-home moms. Some claim that they've never heard complaints from SAHMs, but I think that's probably not the truth. It's all over Facebook and the Internet, all day, every day. It's constant in "real life." No matter what your job is or what you're going through life, it's never. as. bad. as being a stay-at-home mom. Stay-at-home moms are underappreciated, they're underpaid, blah blah blah blah blah.
Then, when you have something GOOD going on in life, that's never as GOOD as being a mom.
"Oh, you love your dog? Well, that's cute. I used to love my dog too, until I had my daughter. Then, I realized that being a mom is just a totally different thing. Once you have a kid of your own, you'll understand that having a dog just isn't that important. You'll never understand the love and joy of being a mom until you are one."
And blah blah blah blah.
Since moms always want to interject their opinions into everything, maybe it's not that unfair for others to do the same.
case in point. You people don't know crap. You know so little that you have no clue how little you know. It is funny, really. I'd love to see any of you be a SAHP or a working parent for a week and see how you'd do. You'd be in tears half way through the first day, I guarantee it.
case in point. You people don't know crap. You know so little that you have no clue how little you know. It is funny, really. I'd love to see any of you be a SAHP or a working parent for a week and see how you'd do. You'd be in tears half way through the first day, I guarantee it.
I don't want kids, so no thanks.
Strangely, you have to make a lot of decisions to have a kid.
Other than in cases of rape, obviously, which I don't think we are talking about here...you have to:
-Decide to have sex.
-Decide not to use birth control.
-Decide not to use emergency birth control.
-Decide not to have an abortion.
-Decide not to give the child up for adoption.
Once you have made all of those choices, why should everyone feel sorry for you all the time because you have kids?
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You people don't know crap. You know so little that you have no clue how little you know. It is funny, really. I'd love to see any of you be a SAHP or a working parent for a week and see how you'd do. You'd be in tears half way through the first day, I guarantee it.
