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Most of the stress of parenthood is not physical, but emotional/mental. Watching someone else's kid is not the same thing. You get the physical part of it, yes, but not the emotional part. Did you worry that everything you were doing would affect how this child will turn out in 10 or 20 years? When a kid was sick, did your blood run cold at the (irrational) thought that he might have some deadly disease? (Yes, mothers worry about this... I still do this and my kids are teens!) The reason I have only two children is because I knew the worry and concern and mental exhaustion was not something I could increase and stay even remotely sane!
Of course, that doesn't only pertain to SAHMs. WOHMs have the same worries, and in many cases, they're magnified, because they're not the ones there all the time to make sure the baby is breathing, feel a cranky child's forehead with her lips to see if he's developing a fever, making sure that no one left a bead or a penny or a tiny lego where the baby could get to it. She has to trust someone else to do these things, which is extremely hard when the kids are small.
And I know that it's hard to understand, but the love a mother has for her child is different from the love a woman has for her husband or for her brother or for her dog. I did not understand this before I had children; it was like a whole new dimension of emotion opened up when I had my first baby, one that I had never felt before. Most mothers will agree with this. It's not an insult to those who don't have children; if you don't have a child, then there's no need to feel this mama-bear, protective-at-all-costs love. It's instinct, particularly when the kids are small and defenseless.
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Originally Posted by rodentraiser
Been there, done that. And not just a week, either. I spent a summer (5 months actually) babysitting full time for a woman who worked - in other words, I was doing the daycare. And the kids were 9 months and 4 years old.
I think it was that in addition to all the other odd babysitting jobs I had done that decided me against having kids. I just realized it wasn't a job I liked or ever wanted to do for keeps. So I didn't. But yeah, it was trying to keep the house clean, changing the diapers, keeping track of the 4 year old, doing the laundry, making the beds, making the kids breakfast and lunch, cleaning up the vomit when it happened, getting them to take their naps, etc, etc.
Still and all, while that was a busy job and the most unpleasant one I've ever done, I don't think it was the hardest one in terms of stress. Granted, the kids weren't mine, but I took it seriously and read to them and and tried to treat them like I thought their mother would have. I just realized when it was over, it wasn't a job I wanted to do again, is all. Just like I wouldn't want to be an airline hostess or a marine biologist. It wasn't a job that appealed to me. But I think working at 7-11 was a lot harder and had a lot more stress to it.
The difference is you left at what 5:00 or 6:00? As another poster said you also didn't have the emotional attachment or worry that comes with that. You didn't truly experience what it is like to be a parent.
I don't disagree that parents (moms especially) tend to need time off more inconveniently than a childless person (or one whose kids have already grown up and moved out). You're not able to ask about that in a job interview, though. You can hope that they bring it up on their own, but you should not ask about familial status if the answer will affect whether you hire the person... that's opening yourself to a discrimination lawsuit. Best to just outline what the duties and expected hours of the job are and let a candidate think about whether he or she can meet those needs.
case in point. You people don't know crap. You know so little that you have no clue how little you know. It is funny, really. I'd love to see any of you be a SAHP or a working parent for a week and see how you'd do. You'd be in tears half way through the first day, I guarantee it.
See, you are making our point for us.
I've watched many developmentally disabled kids alone for over a week and was not even close to "in tears."
I watched my demented grandmother alone for 3 months and WAS in tears because the rally of changing her diapers and her thinking I was "the help," and essentially just watching her die was the hardest job I've ever had. If you are ever in that position, you will probably feel different about being a SAHM. There was no joy in the above situation. Not one drop.
At the risk of repeating myself, here are some other positions that I think you are disrespecting. There are A LOT of care taking jobs that i would hope that you would agree were more difficult:
-- taking care of a room full of demented elderly and changing their diapers while making ten bucks an hour,
-- police in a high crime area,
-- nurses in an inner city ER,
-- teacher and "staff" of special needs kids and adults who assault you daily.
-- A soldier on the front line
-- social workers working with rape and abuse victims on call 24/7
I'm sure there are many more......
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Originally Posted by mochamajesty
LOL.
Your responses do nothing but prove their point. That's what's funny.
Yup.....
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Originally Posted by lkmax
If you're not bowing down to the moms of the world, it's BS, and you don't understand, of course.
I chose to have a house and a big yard instead of living in an apartment, even though I know that apartment living is easier. I wanted a house and a yard -- even though I know it's more responsibility.
I wonder how annoyed my apartment-dwelling friends would be if I constantly interjected conversations -- online and off -- with complaints about it.
"Oh, you're lucky that you got to relax and watch movies with your kids this weekend. I'm never able to do fun stuff on the weekends because I always have to do yard work."
"You don't know what hard work is until you have a house and a big yard to take care of."
"Did you know that my value as a homeowner is like $100,000 a year? I do XX amount of hours of gardening work, XX amount of hours of interior design, XX amount of hours of construction work, XX amount of hours of janitorial work, etc. etc. etc. No one understands my value! You apartment dwellers just don't understand!!"
"Oh, you live in an apartment? Well, until you live in a house and have your own house and yard to take care of, you just don't understand. I bet you couldn't survive one weekend of pulling weeds, hauling mulch, cutting grass, painting your walls, etc. etc. etc. I'd love to see you laughing then!"
Again, I agree w everything you say but can't rep you anymore.
Again, Parenthood is a CHOICE, not mandatory. People are "pro-choice" for many reasons. Not ever wanting kids is one of them.
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Originally Posted by Aspe4
Ha! This reminds of a song by Garfunkel and Oates called Pregnant Women are Smug. It's totally off-topic but so are ninety-five percent of the posts in this thread.
Being a mom and wife is a full time job. Some of us didn't choose that option, but it doesn't mean being a mom and wife isn't a valuable and important job. It is. I had help and was lucky to have the choice to hire someone to do some of the things a stay at home spouse and mother does.
Shame on you women who denigrate other women for making the choice to be stay at home wives and mothers.
Being a mom and wife is a full time job. Some of us didn't choose that option, but it doesn't mean being a mom and wife isn't a valuable and important job. It is. I had help and was lucky to have the choice to hire someone to do some of the things a stay at home spouse and mother does.
Shame on you women who denigrate other women for making the choice to be stay at home wives and mothers.
I personally don't care if women decide to stay home with their children, stay home and be stay-at-home wives or whatever.
It's the victim mentality...the "my job is so much harder than anyone else's, I'm worth $100,000 a year" that's ridiculous.
I personally don't care if women decide to stay home with their children, stay home and be stay-at-home wives or whatever.
It's the victim mentality...the "my job is so much harder than anyone else's, I'm worth $100,000 a year" that's ridiculous.
If you are happy with your choice, be grateful you had the choice because that wasn't always possible. Our mothers and grandmothers didn't have a choice. I am so grateful for all women's ability to make choices.
I don't mind that people are stay-at-home PARENTS, but I do think it is wildly ignorant when someone says "You know so little that you have no clue how little you know. It is funny, really. I'd love to see any of you be a SAHP or a working parent for a week and see how you'd do. You'd be in tears half way through the first day, I guarantee it." (I'm too lazy to go find where that post was)
Everyone alive at some point wasn't a parent and that doesn't mean becoming a parent will turn them into tears. Most people, even those who need an attitude adjustment, figure it out pretty quickly once they have children.
I am a single person and know that I do not want to be a stay at home parent. That's not in me.... but I don't care what people do. When the time comes, I will, however, say I am a full time (my job title here) AND a full time mom because obviously you're still a mom when you're at work and still find time to get things done and a stay at home parent couldn't convince me I wasn't full time both.
[snip]When the time comes, I will, however, say I am a full time (my job title here) AND a full time mom because obviously you're still a mom when you're at work and still find time to get things done and a stay at home parent couldn't convince me I wasn't full time both.
Your words will have relevance when you actually have the experience to make such statements.
I personally don't care if women decide to stay home with their children, stay home and be stay-at-home wives or whatever.
It's the victim mentality...the "my job is so much harder than anyone else's, I'm worth $100,000 a year" that's ridiculous.
I personally think those pages like the one previously posted (the 'I'm worth the same as a full time nanny and janitor and chef and financial planner, etc') are a bit silly. I don't think most people take them literally. However, I still think that those sentiments are a result of attitudes like what you and some others have exhibited here. it's a hard job, especially mentally/emotionally. There are a lot of responsibilities. There isn't much downtime. And when someone who hasn't been there comes in and says "it's nothing", then efforts are made to explain why it's not nothing, including listing the responsibilities and what those are theoretically worth.
I think most mothers would agree that there are more demanding jobs (ones previously mentioned), if those were to come into a discussion. People make exaggerated statements all the time, about all kinds of things. When they say it's the 'hardest job in the world', it could be in reference to other jobs they've had. It could be a reference to how emotionally invested they are, which isn't the case for most other jobs (in fact, I'd posit that it might be THE most emotionally invested job, but don't hold me to that).
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You people don't know crap. You know so little that you have no clue how little you know. It is funny, really. I'd love to see any of you be a SAHP or a working parent for a week and see how you'd do. You'd be in tears half way through the first day, I guarantee it.
