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I am laughing at the stories BUT praying hard that I don't get to that point .. I do dress rather funny at times .. I like soft fabrics so have bought several pairs of pajama pants .. the brushed flannels are my favorite even in summer.. and t-shirts because they are easy to put on and take off.. I go shopping in spongebobsquare pants .. they are yellow and I have a white tshirt and matching sox .. I love the bright cartoon ones .. yeh yeh I do look kinda silly I guess but I am comfortable .. .. I still comb my hair tho and wear a bra .. I might not be in style but I am dressed ..
te reason I like the brushed flannels is they are soft, comfortable and easy to pull on and off.. no zipper struggles .. texture is often a thing to many of us as we age .. especially on our legs and necks .. My daughter does cut the neck edging out of my tshirts .. mainly because it scratches .. any pull over top does so she cuts then off and lets them roll .. much easier .. .. I don't like shoes much but I have to put them on when going out for the day so I like soft shoes as well.. and I shuffle a bit that true .. BUT I am solid on my feet and don't worry about rolling a ankle as I walk .. SOMETIMES we don't say why we do stuff and it causes the kids to roll their eyes at us and the grandkids to giggle when we go out to eat in things like hello kitty jammie pants with a color matched top and sox and even shoes .. I can be pretty ocd and matchy matchy with my colors and my clothes but so far its not to funny looking .. but then again I always have been color ocd .. I can tell a shade isn't right and if its not right I wont wear it .. my kid says no one notices that the black in my pants isn't the same as the black in my tshirt .. but I do and I don't like that so I am picky .. consaquinetly I have a buncha white tshirts .. white goes with everything .
makeup? Naw not my thing .. my kids and family all said I was pretty without the stuff so I don't bother .. what they don't relize is I don't like how it makes my skin feel// its icky and oily ..
my hair .. arrgggh.. I hate it .. really its not to long but it is a issue when t blows into my face .. so I always have a headband .. and yeh that matches my out fits as well.. I have a lot of them
theres lots of things that make us older folks itchy or grumpy .. texture is a big deal only we expect you kids to read our minds and fix it .. .. or stop fussing at us for our odd choices .. ..
I am laughing at the stories BUT praying hard that I don't get to that point .. I do dress rather funny at times .. I like soft fabrics so have bought several pairs of pajama pants .. the brushed flannels are my favorite even in summer.. and t-shirts because they are easy to put on and take off.. I go shopping in spongebobsquare pants .. they are yellow and I have a white tshirt and matching sox .. I love the bright cartoon ones .. yeh yeh I do look kinda silly I guess but I am comfortable .. .. I still comb my hair tho and wear a bra .. I might not be in style but I am dressed ..
te reason I like the brushed flannels is they are soft, comfortable and easy to pull on and off.. no zipper struggles .. texture is often a thing to many of us as we age .. especially on our legs and necks .. My daughter does cut the neck edging out of my tshirts .. mainly because it scratches .. any pull over top does so she cuts then off and lets them roll .. much easier .. .. I don't like shoes much but I have to put them on when going out for the day so I like soft shoes as well.. and I shuffle a bit that true .. BUT I am solid on my feet and don't worry about rolling a ankle as I walk .. SOMETIMES we don't say why we do stuff and it causes the kids to roll their eyes at us and the grandkids to giggle when we go out to eat in things like hello kitty jammie pants with a color matched top and sox and even shoes .. I can be pretty ocd and matchy matchy with my colors and my clothes but so far its not to funny looking .. but then again I always have been color ocd .. I can tell a shade isn't right and if its not right I wont wear it .. my kid says no one notices that the black in my pants isn't the same as the black in my tshirt .. but I do and I don't like that so I am picky .. consaquinetly I have a buncha white tshirts .. white goes with everything .
makeup? Naw not my thing .. my kids and family all said I was pretty without the stuff so I don't bother .. what they don't relize is I don't like how it makes my skin feel// its icky and oily ..
my hair .. arrgggh.. I hate it .. really its not to long but it is a issue when t blows into my face .. so I always have a headband .. and yeh that matches my out fits as well.. I have a lot of them
theres lots of things that make us older folks itchy or grumpy .. texture is a big deal only we expect you kids to read our minds and fix it .. .. or stop fussing at us for our odd choices .. ..
Yeah when they don't matter, just leave them. Unfortunately there are too many things that do matter to deal with.
@ Jencam... true lots does matter but lets look at the texture thing a bit closer.. our skin is dry very dry and its itchy so somethings do set us off on a quest to be comfortable and that often causes things like soft Christmas sweaters to be worn in July .. or soft pants .. I figured out the pants thing several years ago .. I hate being cold and living in Mn is hard on old skin .. so my kid brought ne some sweats .. baggies as I call them and man those were great soft easy on and off and comfortable but not comfortable fo summer wear .. so we tried jammie pants .. this was when my dh was still alive .. he had a lot of sensory issues already but this seemed to help him stay calm..so we both started wearing them..
our lipstick isn't on right? well you should know that old eyes get a film that makes it hard to see .. and that's when you kids need to take our car keys .. really.. we simply don't see well thru that goop that seems to coat our eyes most times .. new glass's simply aren't gonna fix THAT.. and the daratted eye dr isn't gonna tell you its gonna happen.. so we do stupid stuff and make a mess simply because we cant see very well.. its also why we seem to stare at the book you gave us for hours trying to read, but never turning a page but we in our superwoman selves simply wont be honest and say I cant read this .. can you help me .. we feel "small" and I am guessing that folks like KA mom resort to words like "Miss Bossypants" outta fear and a cover up .. now I am very aware that theres other issues in play there but some stuff we know and cant speak of it .. because we feel smalled or less than we were and we all want our kids to think we are smart.
I wish that our fears didn't make us so difficult to deal with and once our minds start to go we are scared and it doesn't feel so good .. so again we do dumb stuff that's not normal in others eyes .. and we know it we retreat and stay home quietly with the cat or the fish.. or the bird .. because its easier to not take that chance .. the critters don't judge us they love us as much as we let them and as long as we feed them we should be allowed to have them..
@ Jencam... true lots does matter but lets look at the texture thing a bit closer.. our skin is dry very dry and its itchy so somethings do set us off on a quest to be comfortable and that often causes things like soft Christmas sweaters to be worn in July .. or soft pants .. I figured out the pants thing several years ago .. I hate being cold and living in Mn is hard on old skin .. so my kid brought ne some sweats .. baggies as I call them and man those were great soft easy on and off and comfortable but not comfortable fo summer wear .. so we tried jammie pants .. this was when my dh was still alive .. he had a lot of sensory issues already but this seemed to help him stay calm..so we both started wearing them..
our lipstick isn't on right? well you should know that old eyes get a film that makes it hard to see .. and that's when you kids need to take our car keys .. really.. we simply don't see well thru that goop that seems to coat our eyes most times .. new glass's simply aren't gonna fix THAT.. and the daratted eye dr isn't gonna tell you its gonna happen.. so we do stupid stuff and make a mess simply because we cant see very well.. its also why we seem to stare at the book you gave us for hours trying to read, but never turning a page but we in our superwoman selves simply wont be honest and say I cant read this .. can you help me .. we feel "small" and I am guessing that folks like KA mom resort to words like "Miss Bossypants" outta fear and a cover up .. now I am very aware that theres other issues in play there but some stuff we know and cant speak of it .. because we feel smalled or less than we were and we all want our kids to think we are smart.
I wish that our fears didn't make us so difficult to deal with and once our minds start to go we are scared and it doesn't feel so good .. so again we do dumb stuff that's not normal in others eyes .. and we know it we retreat and stay home quietly with the cat or the fish.. or the bird .. because its easier to not take that chance .. the critters don't judge us they love us as much as we let them and as long as we feed them we should be allowed to have them..
I understand you. I didn't bother my Mom about odd clothing choices. Some other things, I would ask about, and she would explain, or later say something more like 'because I want to'. OK, then! You are certainly grown! Or she'd say 'I don't know'. OK to that too.
I am laughing at the stories BUT praying hard that I don't get to that point .. I do dress rather funny at times .. I like soft fabrics so have bought several pairs of pajama pants .. the brushed flannels are my favorite even in summer.. and t-shirts because they are easy to put on and take off.. I go shopping in spongebobsquare pants .. they are yellow and I have a white tshirt and matching sox .. I love the bright cartoon ones .. yeh yeh I do look kinda silly I guess but I am comfortable .. .. I still comb my hair tho and wear a bra .. I might not be in style but I am dressed ..
te reason I like the brushed flannels is they are soft, comfortable and easy to pull on and off.. no zipper struggles .. texture is often a thing to many of us as we age .. especially on our legs and necks .. My daughter does cut the neck edging out of my tshirts .. mainly because it scratches .. any pull over top does so she cuts then off and lets them roll .. much easier .. .. I don't like shoes much but I have to put them on when going out for the day so I like soft shoes as well.. and I shuffle a bit that true .. BUT I am solid on my feet and don't worry about rolling a ankle as I walk .. SOMETIMES we don't say why we do stuff and it causes the kids to roll their eyes at us and the grandkids to giggle when we go out to eat in things like hello kitty jammie pants with a color matched top and sox and even shoes .. I can be pretty ocd and matchy matchy with my colors and my clothes but so far its not to funny looking .. but then again I always have been color ocd .. I can tell a shade isn't right and if its not right I wont wear it .. my kid says no one notices that the black in my pants isn't the same as the black in my tshirt .. but I do and I don't like that so I am picky .. consaquinetly I have a buncha white tshirts .. white goes with everything .
makeup? Naw not my thing .. my kids and family all said I was pretty without the stuff so I don't bother .. what they don't relize is I don't like how it makes my skin feel// its icky and oily ..
my hair .. arrgggh.. I hate it .. really its not to long but it is a issue when t blows into my face .. so I always have a headband .. and yeh that matches my out fits as well.. I have a lot of them
theres lots of things that make us older folks itchy or grumpy .. texture is a big deal only we expect you kids to read our minds and fix it .. .. or stop fussing at us for our odd choices .. ..
I appreciated your whole post. Thank you for expressing the other side of the coin. I had not put 2 and 2 together on the sensitive skin thing but I am going through that as well.
I'm thinking maybe the stealing might be from dementia too. That can be a symptom of the type of dementia my mom has - Frontotemporal, but I don't know if it is of vascular as well. My guess would be that if she would not have thought of stealing anything earlier in life, then that probably is, sadly, dementia at work now.
Well, unfortunately I can't rack this up to dementia. My mom has always been deceitful and sneaky, and she has always had a way of justifying everything she's ever done.
However, I don't know - I'm not sure she sees it as stealing. I think she may just see it as taking something and as usual expecting someone else to figure out the "bureaucratic details" - "paying Da Man" and all that good stuff. This may be the result of some vascular dementia - or it may be the result of many years of non treatment for Bipolar Disorder 1. From what I've studied, bipolar disorder, left untreated, is progressively damaging to the structure of the brain.
So who knows - once again, who knows where one disorder leaves off and another one picks up, and at the end of the day does it even really matter?
One positive I've been seeing lately from my mom is that she is more spontaneous about her emotions - and WOW, that's a good thing, I think. For instance, she has been very open (surprisingly so because she is not an open person) about how she misses my dad and what a good person he was. I'm very glad to hear her expressing these thoughts and emotions.
And on another positive note, the last few times we've been together, she has told me very openly and frankly that she appreciates me. And the last time, she actually reached over in the car and stroked the side of my face and said, "I enjoy spending time with you." Now THAT, folks, is amazing because she has never been physically demonstrative - in fact, she's usually very awkward when it comes to hugs, kisses, touches, etc. Believe me, that's the sort of expression of love from her that makes my heart melt.
I guess no matter how old you are, you yearn for your mother's love and appreciation. And this gesture seemed very genuine to me - she was genuinely happy to be out with me.
So I am hoping that today is another good day. We'll go to church together and then there is a covered dish lunch thing after church so I'll take her to that. After that, I have to go over to her stifling apartment and try to figure out why her phones aren't working. Not looking forward to that but at least she IS keeping it neater and cleaner.
Overall, believe it or not, I see a lot of improvement with my mom instead of a downward trajectory - now that she's on her meds regularly. She is keeping her apartment neater. It's not anywhere close to her former standards but her housekeeping has gone markedly downhill since her stroke affecting her vision. She will not admit to vision problems but she clearly has them. I think she has a very limited field of vision for instance. But she's keeping things neater. She's eating better. She's not as rude and paranoid. She seems to be assimilating her grief over my dad's passing well.
As for the crazy clothes she wears - I don't know what's really causing that. I will say that my dad - who was a vain man who loved dressing well - told me that one day he was working in the garage and had to make a Walmart run and when he got to Walmart he realized that he had on shorts, his skinny milk white old man legs were all out there, and he had on black socks and sandals. And he also realized he truly didn't give a fig about it because he was comfortable and he didn't care what anyone else thought. So maybe there's some of that, some vision problems, and just some eccentricity at play with my mom. Who knows?
One positive I've been seeing lately from my mom is that she is more spontaneous about her emotions - and WOW, that's a good thing, I think. For instance, she has been very open (surprisingly so because she is not an open person) about how she misses my dad and what a good person he was. I'm very glad to hear her expressing these thoughts and emotions.
And on another positive note, the last few times we've been together, she has told me very openly and frankly that she appreciates me. And the last time, she actually reached over in the car and stroked the side of my face and said, "I enjoy spending time with you." Now THAT, folks, is amazing because she has never been physically demonstrative - in fact, she's usually very awkward when it comes to hugs, kisses, touches, etc. Believe me, that's the sort of expression of love from her that makes my heart melt.
I guess no matter how old you are, you yearn for your mother's love and appreciation. And this gesture seemed very genuine to me - she was genuinely happy to be out with me.
Thanks folks - this is my Mom on the correct meds. I sincerely pray that she stays on them. It's a challenge. She can't seem to see, or appreciate, the positive differences in her demeanor and outlook. I honestly think she prefers to feel manic and I can truly understand that but she can't seem to see the downside to the mania, which is depression and anxiety and confusion. She's so much more calm and reasonable and NORMAL acting on the meds. But I think she doesn't feel like "herself" and I'm sure that's unsettling. She can't seem to grasp that this "self" is so much more healthy and so much more enjoyable for others to be around. But I can truly see how she would want the mania because inside herself, that's who she feels accustomed to, who she thinks of as "her."
I am wondering if bipolar people think that "normal" instead of "manic" feels dull. Probably so. But she doesn't act dull now - she just acts calmer and less paranoid. She's certainly not dulled mentally - in fact, she operates better mentally because there's less anxiety, no racing thoughts, etc. I wish she could appreciate this calmer feeling more.
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