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Thanks folks - this is my Mom on the correct meds. I sincerely pray that she stays on them. It's a challenge. She can't seem to see, or appreciate, the positive differences in her demeanor and outlook. I honestly think she prefers to feel manic and I can truly understand that but she can't seem to see the downside to the mania, which is depression and anxiety and confusion. She's so much more calm and reasonable and NORMAL acting on the meds. But I think she doesn't feel like "herself" and I'm sure that's unsettling. She can't seem to grasp that this "self" is so much more healthy and so much more enjoyable for others to be around. But I can truly see how she would want the mania because inside herself, that's who she feels accustomed to, who she thinks of as "her."
I am wondering if bipolar people think that "normal" instead of "manic" feels dull. Probably so. But she doesn't act dull now - she just acts calmer and less paranoid. She's certainly not dulled mentally - in fact, she operates better mentally because there's less anxiety, no racing thoughts, etc. I wish she could appreciate this calmer feeling more.
I THINK she is fearful of the calm and the normal.. because that's not what she UNDERSTANDS.. yeh understands.. I have never been in her shoes and hope I never end up there .. HOWEVER the unknown is stressfull and its easier to revert back to what she see's as normal vs what is in reality abnormal to others ..
I feel bad for your mother KA. simply because she doesn't understand the normal the rest of us live in.. Like you I hope she stays on her meds but tbh.. I think she wont.. simply due to her inner fears ..
You addressed the vision thing.. what does her eye docter say about it ? or wont she sit down and let him do a excam? I have total fits with my eyes somedays .. the film that covers them is never ending .. it seems anyways .. yet they are itchy and scratchy.. the eye dr says its dry eye but I think that's nuts as I pull another gob of that slimey goop out of my eyes and blink rapidly to look at something .. its infuriating yet the eye dr says its normal aging .. and I HATE this old age thing he calls normal.
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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Saw this on active threads. I read the whole thing. Quite a thread you have here.
I usually dont post on caregiving unless I have something useful to add. Just dibbing now.
Ive had a lot of care giving experience in the past. Not so much lately. Just my husband now. One of my long time cleaning clients is starting on her journey into the dense fog of Alzheimer's. She wears some "unusual" outfits too. Christmas. Halloween. Sometimes at the same time. Christmas sweater with a Halloween vest. Her family has been arguing with her. It has gotten pretty heated at times. I keep telling them that even if you "win" it doesn't matter cause she forgets the whole conversation and 15 min later its deja vu all over again.
JMO but I think too many choices is stressful to her. And them. My solution was to remove everything from her closet except her summer clothing. She never goes upstairs so all the Christmas and other seasons is now in the upstairs closet. When its time for Christmas sweaters Ill bring them down and put them in the closet. And take the summer stuff upstairs. She seems less stressed now. And theres less mess for me. Before there would always be clothes all over the place.
Could you do this with Mom. Maybe offer to store things to give her more room. Maybe more of it would stay in the closet if she had less to pick from?
They are having trouble getting her to take showers too. Its so sad. She used to be so stylish. Now she looks wild and unkept. And she smells. Sometimes I can get her to shower if I act like its her idea. That and I put a heater in the bath and cranked it up to 95 in there so she wouldn't be cold. I thought I would pass out. That seems to be a thing with old folks. They dont like to be cold.
Saw this on active threads. I read the whole thing. Quite a thread you have here.
I usually dont post on caregiving unless I have something useful to add. Just dibbing now.
Ive had a lot of care giving experience in the past. Not so much lately. Just my husband now. One of my long time cleaning clients is starting on her journey into the dense fog of Alzheimer's. She wears some "unusual" outfits too. Christmas. Halloween. Sometimes at the same time. Christmas sweater with a Halloween vest. Her family has been arguing with her. It has gotten pretty heated at times. I keep telling them that even if you "win" it doesn't matter cause she forgets the whole conversation and 15 min later its deja vu all over again.
JMO but I think too many choices is stressful to her. And them. My solution was to remove everything from her closet except her summer clothing. She never goes upstairs so all the Christmas and other seasons is now in the upstairs closet. When its time for Christmas sweaters Ill bring them down and put them in the closet. And take the summer stuff upstairs. She seems less stressed now. And theres less mess for me. Before there would always be clothes all over the place.
That was kind of you and why oh why couldn't her family have done that for her from the get go?.. instead they made a fuss and stressed her out .. that's not fair to her.. so bless you for doing something kind and careing .. I downsized my closet when I moved in here .. I have one dress for special occaisions that never happen but yanno I want to be ready .. just incase .. and 14 pr of jammie pants and matching tshirts per hanger .. I have clothes LOL my aid hangs them up like that for me so choosing a outfit is easier for me on mornings I just want to dress and be done with the thought.. my sox drawer is how ever a mess.. .. don't roll them up cause I cant see them to tell which pair I am grabbing so yep I unroll them all and just dig till I find the right ones or a pair of solid colored ones that go with my outfit.. and I aint crazy .. yet ..
They are having trouble getting her to take showers too. Its so sad. She used to be so stylish. Now she looks wild and unkept. And she smells. Sometimes I can get her to shower if I act like its her idea. That and I put a heater in the bath and cranked it up to 95 in there so she wouldn't be cold. I thought I would pass out. That seems to be a thing with old folks. They dont like to be cold.
I hate to be cold too!.. I am lucky that my apt has a heat lamp in the ceiling & it does help.. I make sure the fan is shut when I shower but sometimes the chill is very uncomfortable .. I don't want to shower when I am chilled it only makes the water seem colder even if its hot to begin with..so that's an issue .. another thing I noted with my dh was as his altzhiemers progressed he hated to shower .. and getting his face wet or his hair wet stressed him out bad.. .. as I understand it now that's a early trait of altzhiemers .. the hair must not get wet !.. his hair stunk to.. and he wouldn't let me comb it at all.. he said it hurt to comb .. strange but I gave him a ball cap and fixed that problem... and he wore it in the house .. sometimes to bed but yanno.. better to look at that cap then smell or see the nasty hair I finally got him to let our daughter give him a summer buzz cut like the grandkids to "match" the boys .. hey it worked .. he would at least wash his head with the washcloth when he washed his face .. that was a good thing for him and for me .. he wouldn't shower either .. but he would wash at the sink if I was there with him to encourage a shave ( electric razor guy) and he wouldwear stinkum to make me happy with him.. he did try but his mind was failing faster than his heart
another thing for some of us oldies .. we are unsteady on our feet anyways.. so even with a safety bar and help lifting our leg to step into the shower ( over the side of the tub ) is scary and hard for many of us .. I am lucky I have a walk in shower with plenty of grab bars so I don't fall.. and a good mat to stand on.. we /I have a huge fear of falling and not being able to get back up .... I have a shower chair .. and a handheld shower deal and that helps me to feel secure .. that also helps and encourages me to go take a shower .. If I lived in my old house I would likely try to get by with a wash up in the sink .. and I would likely smell bad too. ::sighs:: no one tells our kids these things so we either try and figure them out ourselves or we risk a fall and waiting for help .. and I don't want to do that ..
I THINK she is fearful of the calm and the normal.. because that's not what she UNDERSTANDS.. yeh understands.. I have never been in her shoes and hope I never end up there .. HOWEVER the unknown is stressfull and its easier to revert back to what she see's as normal vs what is in reality abnormal to others ..
I feel bad for your mother KA. simply because she doesn't understand the normal the rest of us live in.. Like you I hope she stays on her meds but tbh.. I think she wont.. simply due to her inner fears ..
You addressed the vision thing.. what does her eye docter say about it ? or wont she sit down and let him do a excam? I have total fits with my eyes somedays .. the film that covers them is never ending .. it seems anyways .. yet they are itchy and scratchy.. the eye dr says its dry eye but I think that's nuts as I pull another gob of that slimey goop out of my eyes and blink rapidly to look at something .. its infuriating yet the eye dr says its normal aging .. and I HATE this old age thing he calls normal.
Thank you - I feel bad for her too - I really, truly do. I think it would be miserable being her. I feel very sad for my mother!
Her vision issues are due to a stroke she had 12 years ago that hit her optic nerve. She will sit for an eye exam - barely, but she'll do it. But there are no glasses in the world that will fix the distortion that's caused by that stroke.
Saw this on active threads. I read the whole thing. Quite a thread you have here.
I usually dont post on caregiving unless I have something useful to add. Just dibbing now.
Ive had a lot of care giving experience in the past. Not so much lately. Just my husband now. One of my long time cleaning clients is starting on her journey into the dense fog of Alzheimer's. She wears some "unusual" outfits too. Christmas. Halloween. Sometimes at the same time. Christmas sweater with a Halloween vest. Her family has been arguing with her. It has gotten pretty heated at times. I keep telling them that even if you "win" it doesn't matter cause she forgets the whole conversation and 15 min later its deja vu all over again.
JMO but I think too many choices is stressful to her. And them. My solution was to remove everything from her closet except her summer clothing. She never goes upstairs so all the Christmas and other seasons is now in the upstairs closet. When its time for Christmas sweaters Ill bring them down and put them in the closet. And take the summer stuff upstairs. She seems less stressed now. And theres less mess for me. Before there would always be clothes all over the place.
Could you do this with Mom. Maybe offer to store things to give her more room. Maybe more of it would stay in the closet if she had less to pick from?
They are having trouble getting her to take showers too. Its so sad. She used to be so stylish. Now she looks wild and unkept. And she smells. Sometimes I can get her to shower if I act like its her idea. That and I put a heater in the bath and cranked it up to 95 in there so she wouldn't be cold. I thought I would pass out. That seems to be a thing with old folks. They dont like to be cold.
Wow, I can't believe you read this whole thread from start to finish! I feel for you - LOL.
I agree that choices are stressful to her, but she also hangs onto things tenaciously. So what I think I am going to do - if I can ever go do it, with all my other busy stuff I seem to be continually doing - is go over there when she's at therapy and just take a bunch of stuff out of her closet.
That being said, now that she's taking her meds regularly, she is doing better. Not great, but better, at organizing. And for the first time in years, she seems to be actually BOTHERED by the clutter, and working at cleaning it up. Her place looked a LOT better today and I know she did it because 1) she gave me a bag of clothes, and 2) housekeeping doesn't come around till Monday - so this is a big improvement. It looks better today, after not being cleaned by the staff for nearly a week, than it used to look the day after they cleaned. BIG improvement.
I agree about the cold - my mom keeps her apartment stifling hot and stinky. That's why I can barely stand to stay in there long. I mean, I don't tell her to keep it cooler - it's her place. But I'm not inclined to hang out there because I am literally sweating the whole time.
Does your mother know how to make her apartment cooler? As my parents aged they wanted their condo colder and colder. Since I too am a warm natured person, I could handle it but most people were freezing in their home. My in-laws were the opposite, they kept their place stifling all year 'round. Even in winter we took shorts and t-shirts to wear at their house. We'd strip our little ones down to diapers and still they were sweating and their hair was soaking wet. And the in-laws wondered why people didn't stay longer when they came to visit!
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
2,520 posts, read 6,327,828 times
Reputation: 5332
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faworki1947
I hate to be cold too!.. I am lucky that my apt has a heat lamp in the ceiling & it does help.. I make sure the fan is shut when I shower but sometimes the chill is very uncomfortable .. I don't want to shower when I am chilled it only makes the water seem colder even if its hot to begin with..so that's an issue .. another thing I noted with my dh was as his altzhiemers progressed he hated to shower .. and getting his face wet or his hair wet stressed him out bad.. .. as I understand it now that's a early trait of altzhiemers .. the hair must not get wet !.. his hair stunk to.. and he wouldn't let me comb it at all.. he said it hurt to comb .. strange but I gave him a ball cap and fixed that problem... and he wore it in the house .. sometimes to bed but yanno.. better to look at that cap then smell or see the nasty hair I finally got him to let our daughter give him a summer buzz cut like the grandkids to "match" the boys .. hey it worked .. he would at least wash his head with the washcloth when he washed his face .. that was a good thing for him and for me .. he wouldn't shower either .. but he would wash at the sink if I was there with him to encourage a shave ( electric razor guy) and he wouldwear stinkum to make me happy with him.. he did try but his mind was failing faster than his heart
another thing for some of us oldies .. we are unsteady on our feet anyways.. so even with a safety bar and help lifting our leg to step into the shower ( over the side of the tub ) is scary and hard for many of us .. I am lucky I have a walk in shower with plenty of grab bars so I don't fall.. and a good mat to stand on.. we /I have a huge fear of falling and not being able to get back up .... I have a shower chair .. and a handheld shower deal and that helps me to feel secure .. that also helps and encourages me to go take a shower .. If I lived in my old house I would likely try to get by with a wash up in the sink .. and I would likely smell bad too. ::sighs:: no one tells our kids these things so we either try and figure them out ourselves or we risk a fall and waiting for help .. and I don't want to do that ..
She has been a client for a long time. Her kids joke that I am her favorite. She will do things for me that she wont do for others. That's only cause I have BTDT way more times than them and I know the drill. And I am sneaky. Like the shower thing. I dont say its been two weeks and you stink. I say I'm getting things ready like you asked me to. Your son will be here later to take you to lunch. I really miss getting dressed up is it okay if I pick out your outfit. We usually get out a bunch of jewelry and scarves and have a good time dressing up. Then the kids show up and take her to lunch so I can clean in peace. That's my deal with them.
Part of her kids problem is that I dont think they have fully accepted things. Shes not at that bad stage where its evident that things are not right. She knows your name and you can have a conversation with her. But its the same one over and over. Also she can get fixated on one small thing and ask you about it repeatedly. I can understand their frustration. I'm not there all the time so I dont want to bang my head on the wall cause she has asked me the same thing every 10 min for two days in a row.
I'm a fixer. Its my nature. So Ive been trying to find solutions. We changed to a hand held shower so she can do just her body. She gets her hair washed and set once a week now so that takes care of her hair. Also we hooked up a hose to the bathtub faucet that stretches over to the toilet. Maybe she will let someone help her rinse off down there.
Youre right about being cold. Here I am barefoot and in a tank and shorts. Sweating like a pig. There they sit her and her husband. Turtlenecks sweatshirts and jackets and wrapped up in afghans complaining its cold. I check the temp and its 80 in there. They are so cute. They keep asking me if I'm cold.
Could be once you get to be a certain age you just dont like to get wet. My Mom was hot like me so being cold wasn't her excuse. It was really hard on her when she was in the NH at the end. Cooped up with all those old cold old ladies. It was war. Mom wanted it 65. They wanted it 95.
You addressed the vision thing.. what does her eye docter say about it ? or wont she sit down and let him do a excam? I have total fits with my eyes somedays .. the film that covers them is never ending .. it seems anyways .. yet they are itchy and scratchy.. the eye dr says its dry eye but I think that's nuts as I pull another gob of that slimey goop out of my eyes and blink rapidly to look at something .. its infuriating yet the eye dr says its normal aging .. and I HATE this old age thing he calls normal.
Oh Jeeze.
The discharge from your eyes and other symptoms are symptoms of dry eye syndrome.
It's a VERY SIMPLE test which, apparently, your doctor has performed.
If you have a diagnosis of dry eye, you NEED TO BE ON MEDICATION.
Typically Cyclosporin eye drops 2x day.
Alternatively, you can do home diagnosis and ignore your doctor and suffer ulcers or scars on the cornea, and risk permanent damage. Since it can be a progressive condition - it's possible you've already done the damage since you've decided "it's nuts".
Your doctor didn't say your SYMPTOMS are "normal" to live with. Since 15% of the senior population has dry eye syndrome - THAT makes it "normal" but NOT TAKING THE MEDICATION or waiting too long to address it puts you in the abnormal category.
Meanwhile, you can try Optixcare RX , with your doctor's approval, which is an OTC eye lube that eye doctors often recommend along with the RX meds. IT IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR RX MEDS.
The fact that you have thick mucous tells me you're NOT using the RX meds. Especially if it's green or yellow. (absent other issues like bacterial infections etc)
Last edited by runswithscissors; 07-16-2017 at 03:44 PM..
Since late April, my mom has had a couple of TIAs (not 100% sure about a TIA, but for sure stuporous events) and I feel like I'm living in a monty python skit. What a roller coaster of emotions and stuff that has to be done to honor wishes to remain at home rather than in a senior's facility.
All my life I thought that people who died of old age in their sleep actually functioned perfectly until that moment, so what an eye opener to see the process of death. It's quite fascinating, if I may say so from a completely intellectual perspective.
She has been a client for a long time. Her kids joke that I am her favorite. She will do things for me that she wont do for others. That's only cause I have BTDT way more times than them and I know the drill. And I am sneaky. Like the shower thing. I dont say its been two weeks and you stink. I say I'm getting things ready like you asked me to. Your son will be here later to take you to lunch. I really miss getting dressed up is it okay if I pick out your outfit. We usually get out a bunch of jewelry and scarves and have a good time dressing up. Then the kids show up and take her to lunch so I can clean in peace. That's my deal with them.
Part of her kids problem is that I dont think they have fully accepted things. Shes not at that bad stage where its evident that things are not right. She knows your name and you can have a conversation with her. But its the same one over and over. Also she can get fixated on one small thing and ask you about it repeatedly. I can understand their frustration. I'm not there all the time so I dont want to bang my head on the wall cause she has asked me the same thing every 10 min for two days in a row.
I'm a fixer. Its my nature. So Ive been trying to find solutions. We changed to a hand held shower so she can do just her body. She gets her hair washed and set once a week now so that takes care of her hair. Also we hooked up a hose to the bathtub faucet that stretches over to the toilet. Maybe she will let someone help her rinse off down there.
Youre right about being cold. Here I am barefoot and in a tank and shorts. Sweating like a pig. There they sit her and her husband. Turtlenecks sweatshirts and jackets and wrapped up in afghans complaining its cold. I check the temp and its 80 in there. They are so cute. They keep asking me if I'm cold.
Could be once you get to be a certain age you just dont like to get wet. My Mom was hot like me so being cold wasn't her excuse. It was really hard on her when she was in the NH at the end. Cooped up with all those old cold old ladies. It was war. Mom wanted it 65. They wanted it 95.
You're definitely cut out for caregiving; everything you've done are proven techniques that can work.
Minimal choices, minimal clutter, no arguing, compliments, quiet enthusiasm etc.
The most successful dementia residents IME, are the ones with a sparse room like a hotel room.
I had a lady who was a life long artist and knitter who you couldn't get to do ANYTHING unless I asked her to show me. When she thought she was "helping" me or "teaching" me she lost alot of that anxiety. I would say this is when she was about a 5 on the mid stage scale. Not quite a 6 all the time. And her underlying conditions hadn't been diagnosed and her meds were rather simple at that stage.
And she would actually stick with a project for quite some time. Like a hour or so which was A LOT for her. Complete a drawing etc. I bought a book with animals and tracing paper to teach you to learn how...and she didn't need the tracing paper but MINE looked like crap even with the tracing paper hahaha. It was hilarious. And she put that drawing on the table and remembered to show visitors so they could laugh at my crappy skills.
Because we had a good and GREEN relationship. NOT RED. Of course those things don't work when they're on the border of freaking out. Only when they're kind of calm to begin with.
Never mad even when I DROPPED the stitch and her row was PERFECT LOL. Go figure. That particular lady wouldn't even allow me to get her to use the no rinse shampoo that you leave in. But she would go to the ALF hairdresser (very rarely) if her daughter was in town. But you had to watch because it might also trigger her to have a fit about going to her external life long beauty shop which was out of the question.
The dramatic forms of dementia bring along a fear/anxiety of water/shower/hair washing so regardless of the cold or not (which seems applicable to most seniors)...it's just part of the deal. Sometimes a favorite caregiver can sweet talk the resident into sponge baths and sometimes a family member can get them to go to the ALF's hairdresser if they're visiting, for example, but that fails just as frequently. Since dementia people get really BAD about keeping appointments or carrying through that which they say they're gonna do.
Last edited by runswithscissors; 07-16-2017 at 03:26 PM..
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