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Wow..I saw your profile and you are a handsome gentleman. You are not ready to met anyone yet. You still harbor too much hurt. Have you tried counseling? God has you here for purpose and reason. I can relate to a degree to how you are feeling, it sure isnt pleasant. But I pray that the horizon gets brighter for you. You are only 42, you are still young. I know that the divorce was painful but look inside of yourself and see what makes you happy. What is your passion? Go from there my friend...
Chica you are so right..about his looks..he is very good looking
you gave some excellent advice
Salud
Thanks everyone. I'm working on it, believe me. In counseling, looking for a job, on antidepressants, etc. Just can't get out of my own way. Its like I sabotage opportunities when they show up. Its ridiculous. I just have this inner feeling that I'm not good enough or smart enough. Otherwise, why would I be divorced from a woman I loved and have so many career issues at 42? And I know I shouldn't be looking at the past, but it just haunts me and makes me fearful of the future. In the process I miss out on today because I'm so unhappy with the decisions I've made that brought me to this place. So its a vicious cycle, regret over the past and fear over the future. Does that make any sense?
Thanks everyone. I'm working on it, believe me. In counseling, looking for a job, on antidepressants, etc. Just can't get out of my own way. Its like I sabotage opportunities when they show up. Its ridiculous. I just have this inner feeling that I'm not good enough or smart enough. Otherwise, why would I be divorced from a woman I loved and have so many career issues at 42? And I know I shouldn't be looking at the past, but it just haunts me and makes me fearful of the future. In the process I miss out on today because I'm so unhappy with the decisions I've made that brought me to this place. So its a vicious cycle, regret over the past and fear over the future. Does that make any sense?
Yep, sure does. So you'd better get moving on getting over the past then, and start considering and consolidating your future. If you don't, you'd better brace yourself for when the age scale starts tipping the other way One thinks they have a lifetime - until the day comes when one realises there's more life behind them than ahead of them! One suddenly notices the sand in that hourglass flowing pretty quick at some point.
Thanks everyone. I'm working on it, believe me. In counseling, looking for a job, on antidepressants, etc. Just can't get out of my own way. Its like I sabotage opportunities when they show up. Its ridiculous. I just have this inner feeling that I'm not good enough or smart enough. Otherwise, why would I be divorced from a woman I loved and have so many career issues at 42? And I know I shouldn't be looking at the past, but it just haunts me and makes me fearful of the future. In the process I miss out on today because I'm so unhappy with the decisions I've made that brought me to this place. So its a vicious cycle, regret over the past and fear over the future. Does that make any sense?
It does make sense and it sounds like you're doing everything right to get over it.
Regarding being unhappy with decisions that you've made, what would you tell a friend who came to you with the same concerns about him/herself? You'd probably say, "Look, you did the best you could under the circumstances. You're a good person so just try to learn from your mistakes and move on." We are often so much nicer to our friends than we are to ourselves.
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend.
I tell the kids in my class this and really do believe it.....If you tried to solve the problem 6 different ways and are ready to give up, how will you ever know if the 7th try is the one that works. The only way you fail is when you quit.
Life goes on, so trying new ways will get you, at best a list of things that won't work for you. Better to say you tried than wonder if you hadn't. Volunteering is great; maybe that is your purpose and bliss- being there for someone else. And you are probably right about things being a cycle. I don't think you are right about where you are in it; I really believe you are just in the middle and your impact on other people will bring you mare gratification than you think. Hop into that cycle and I bet things will turn around.
Had I known my life would be like this, I likely would have ended it long ago. I'm educated, yet I have no career. I'm loyal and committed and wanted a family, yet my wife divorced me. Now I'm 42 and alone. I absolutely hate my life. This isn't anything like I hoped and dreamed. I feel like I've ruined it and its too late. I have nothing to look forward to and nothing going for me. The only time I'm actually happy is when I'm sleeping. This absolutely sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I can't keep living like this. This isn't a life, I'm just existing.
Sorry to hear your going through such a slump in life. If I had known that my life would have taking all the ups and downs and twisted avenues that it did, I would have made so many other plans in life. I was married and divorced at the age of 30 and lost custody of my one and only child, that was devastating and boy was I at an all time low. Thought I was on an upward spiral when I fell in love with a man after all this, to just have him get sick and needed a heart transplant after getting engaged to him, he died. Picked my self up and went back to school at 34 years old, fell in love with my husband that I have now. I'ld like to say at the age of 51 that I'm living happily ever after, good God no!!!! I guess what I'm trying to say is you don't know what life is going to bring you, you just have to keep getting back up again, you'll have great times, bad times, trying times. One thing that is constant in this life and that is change! Don't ever think that this is it I'll never be happy again. What you're going through right now is a learning experience and it will only make you a wiser person and a stronger person. Keep going life is worth living!!!!!
Rough it through, positive adjustments, self-"help" crap, Prozacing yourself into lobotomized zombie state, pampering yourself, brrr, it will not make you happier deep inside, and if you can fool yourself, you will not be you already. Honestly, I would rather quit that try all of that Mc "Happiness", mass peddling of which just underlines how disconnected and messed up everything is, including us. "Counselors" and shrinks would not have helped me, If nobody gives shi**t, $100/hr BS peddler certainly couldn't care less, just forget to pay $100/hr and see how much everybody "cares".
If you've got nobody (real) to give a dime, you don't have anybody, just face it, it will not kill you, and you are not alone in that (by far). As they say "Be positive" you've learned what the words "I love you", "friends" and trust means. It's not your (or my fault), it's just a part of human experience, you are born alone and you will die alone. People take advantage of other people circumstances. Most of humans derive "happiness" & "fulfillment" from feeling superior to other people. Most people seek company of "equally/higher ranking" (in the broad sense) humans. Most jobs (including educated ones) don't lead to a satisfying career, wealth & power. People are trained (by our culture) to define what they by the job they do, social status perch they hold. Meaningful communities one can experience the sense of "belonging" by sheer fact of his/her existence don't exist anymore. Etc., etc., etc. If you feel those things are unfair to you, you cannot medicate them away. You cannot change reality of human existence & modern society using self-help crap. What you can do, if you think that those things & life are unfair, to "reach" out (at least try) people of the same/worse lot than yours. After all, if you think that life is unfair because successful employers, friends & pretty faithful girls don't stick around and then to turn your back on the less successful & pretty ones (in your opinion), who are you to complain about injustices and bad luck?
Our society & culture are deeply dysfunctional from human well being standpoint, yet, people are led to believe that their normal human reaction to inhumane conditions is due to chemical imbalance in their heads and/or a sign of personal failure and happiness is just round the corner. Play your cards right, be positive, read self-help products and you'll catch it, guaranteed. You got to think about those things, I mean about things you (as in you) want. Chances are that your hopes and dreams are not quite yours, even greater chances are that once you achieve items a, b, c on your? list of dreams, happiness will be still round the corner. I wish I could offer some simple self-help tricks as in those infomercials, do this, do that, get happy. But it doesn't work that way. Happiness is not a state of being, it's a short splash, expectations of continuous nirvana after items a, b, c on the list of goals are achieved are unrealistic.
And, just face it, you feel unhappy and worthless not because you don't have items a, b, c... under your belt but because you are measuring yourself up to other people using those items. In other words, you seek satisfaction not in items a, b, c on your list per se but in your relative status that the items a, b, c, ... convey to other people. Really, I would be so much more "happier" if my education lead me to a challenging career of sticking an electrode in rat's brains over, over, over and over. Yeah, right, but my social status would've been much higher so I could look down on the less "successful" folks and feel good about myself.
Once you start thinking about status seeking human nature, you will realize that it's not you achieving items a, b, c, d... on your? wish list that make you "happy", it's the people who don't have the items a, b, c, d.... on their "done" lists that make your life "successful & meaningful" . Once you realize that, you don't take status seeking circus staged by hairless monkeys on this Planet way too seriously to get depressed and feel worthless over.
Lastly, would you really exchange your "unsuccessful" life for the life of a beacon of success (in your opinion?). Would you? I don't think so, most of us, high status or low, depressed or not, wealthy or poor, sick or healthy have a strong ego, we would not switch our lives with anybody else on this planet (no matter how "successful") because we "feel" (for the lack of better a word) inherent value of our misery, loneliness, failures, despair, etc..
We are constantly being pushed/dragged into an 'institutionalised' mentallity and belief system. If one doesn't 'conform' to what is considered 'normal behaviour' or whatever by those who have wealth and power we are then pushed/dragged into the world of head shrinkers and medications. As you quite *accurately* intimated - "don't pay the consult fee and see who, and how much, anyone cares or gives a toss about you". Once we are brainwashed into the world of medications we are a lost cause, have lost our own identity, and pose no threat to the establishment, thereby becoming just another zombie, toeing the line and not bucking the system and the institution, conforming to what the 'institution' wants. It goes something like this..."I have determined you have problems and issues, therefore you can't be thinking like a normal person, so here, take this and you'll be fine, shut the door on your way out, and the bill's already in the mail...NEXT PLEASE?".
I understand how you feel...pushing 36, no family, no friends. Just existing. And very bored.
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One thinks they have a lifetime - until the day comes when one realises there's more life behind them than ahead of them! One suddenly notices the sand in that hourglass flowing pretty quick at some point.
. Once you realize that, you don't take status seeking circus staged by hairless monkeys on this Planet way too seriously to get depressed and feel worthless over.
