How about this "Minnesota Ice" vs. "Minnesota Nice" stuff?? (Minneapolis: buy, college)

[sonoronos]

A little background: I moved to Minnesota to work in 2004. I'm Korean American, and coincidentally moved up here from Knoxville, TN.

Originally Posted by PacEyeDoc

I've read some other threads which say it can be almost impossible to break into the social fabric if you're not a MN native, is this true??

What I've observed is that it's easiest to break into the singles social fabric when you're a jobless hipster that lives with your parents. If you have a job and/or your parents don't live in the area, then you're probably screwed.

Originally Posted by PacEyeDoc

I lived in the south for a few years and found that everyone was really friendly, but had no interest in anything beyond superficial interaction. I'd hate to find the same thing again up north.

The difference between the south and Minnesota is that people will not be friendly and still have absolutely no interest in anything beyond superficial interaction. It took about 3 years before my next door neighbors did anything besides wave. My other neighbors visited once, found a single guy living next door (me), and promptly never, ever came back again. Literal avoidance.

Originally Posted by PacEyeDoc

Any comments from other singles who've moved in from out of state? Do you find that women from the area are put off if you're not from MN? etc.

I can only imagine that if you lived in the south and no-one ever wanted anything beyond superficial interaction, you will experience total alienation in Minnesota. That's if you're white. If your skin is anything but pasty white, the Living Lord help you.

[Shince]

It's not impossible to make friends here but there are a rigid set of requirements for making friends here. People - at least those outside of areas like Lynlake, Uptown, MacGrove, (and especially those in the suburbs) - seem to have a rather extreme expectation of assimilation. There is a sense that if you're from somewhere else and move here you are a "guest" and "ought to act like one" (real quote). That means basically ceding any distinctive cultural or geographic traits and customs you bring with you. Say you are from NY or Boston, people will think you ought to cease being "culturally east coast" and act Minnesotan. You should "quiet down"; adjust your sense of humor (suppress subversive humor); stop speaking so directly; and above all stop talking the language of feelings - not just expressing your own but even asking about others' feelings. There is almost a fear to go there here or at least an inflated sense of privacy here. People view talk about feelings as self-indulgent rather than as something that bind people together and encourages closeness and community. All talk of desires, losses, joys is inappropriate except perhaps among family members. (And yes, I don't get it either.) You can make friends if you hyper-assimilate. But you have to give up a lot.

[TootsieWootsie]

I have read only a few posts on this thread, but felt this might help some of you answer about regional personality traits:

The United States of Mind - WSJ.com

Good luck!

[MN-Born-n-Raised]

Originally Posted by sonoronos

A little background: I moved to Minnesota to work in 2004. I'm Korean American, and coincidentally moved up here from Knoxville, TN.



What I've observed is that it's easiest to break into the singles social fabric when you're a jobless hipster that lives with your parents. If you have a job and/or your parents don't live in the area, then you're probably screwed.



The difference between the south and Minnesota is that people will not be friendly and still have absolutely no interest in anything beyond superficial interaction. It took about 3 years before my next door neighbors did anything besides wave. My other neighbors visited once, found a single guy living next door (me), and promptly never, ever came back again. Literal avoidance.



I can only imagine that if you lived in the south and no-one ever wanted anything beyond superficial interaction, you will experience total alienation in Minnesota. That's if you're white. If your skin is anything but pasty white, the Living Lord help you.

With you edge and attitude, I'm surprised you find it difficult to get to know Minnesotans. Now if you were a single guy, I could see why you might have problems. Page 33 Chapter 2: People To Avoid. (In My MN handbook).

Ah yes, it's your skin color (page 35). " Living Lord help you". I only like "pasty white people" (Denmark, Finland, Sweden, England etc). The French are even too dark for me.

[green_mariner]

Originally Posted by Anneee

I've lived in Minnesota for 15 years and I think that the reason for the Minnesota ICE phenomenon is that people here have so little truly free time. They work hard, they tend to have large extended families that they're very involved with and feel responsible for. And, when they do have a spare moment, they invest it in existing friendships or their communities, or they work on maintaining their homes. These are busy people!

I guess I could understand that. I am never that busy. I actually spend a fair amount of time by myself, so I get used to it.

[Isabel_009]

This is a great link! Thanks for sharing. Quite interesting. Didn't read much about the methodology, and I'm sure there are limitations to interpreting the findings, but definitely some interesting patterns....

Originally Posted by TootsieWootsie

I have read only a few posts on this thread, but felt this might help some of you answer about regional personality traits:

The United States of Mind - WSJ.com

Good luck!

[Finger Laker]

i definitely experienced a combination of both of these when I moved there from the east coast

meeting people wasn't the biggest problem - i found people to be pretty friendly, interested in my background and experiences, open to my sense of humor and generally pretty nice ....... some friends had feelings that were a little more delicate than i'm used to, but i respected that and made the adjustments

some people I met were phony nice as well - real passive aggressive - i was dating this girl who worked at a bar, one of the bartenders had a thing for her and honestly couldn't stand me .... however, everytime I came in he poured me a beer on the house (fresh glass, untampered with, etc)

others would sneak away from the large group to make snide comments or try to stick around and mock - i would usually call them out on it and they would get all quiet and mumble while backpeddling

that type of stuff goes on other places though, it just presents itself a little differently

overall though the people were great - the women were stunning and I even met my wife while living there

professionaly it was a struggle - there seemed to be a lot of distrust, questioning of motives, aloofness in interviews and no matter how hard you worked or by how much you outperformed the other people it didn't make a difference

I even took real basic entry level jobs, blew the supervisors away and then would hit a road block in advancement

I seemed to have more ice from managers who were older - if they were female it seemed to be worse

Often the HR reps were great and I would have a great interview with them and then the manager would just shut things down

In my experience they seemed more comfortable with people who are from the midwest - you could be out of town, as long as you were from WI, IA, ND, SD, IL or MI

other than that it was near impossible to break down doors

it was this professional frustration that led me to move here to phoenix (where I had two really good job offers within 2 months after moving) and i've left behind some people who remain really good friends 6+ years later

it's this professional situation that makes me hesitant to consider moving back

take it for what it's worth, but that was my experience

[green_mariner]

Originally Posted by Finger Laker

i definitely experienced a combination of both of these when I moved there from the east coast

meeting people wasn't the biggest problem - i found people to be pretty friendly, interested in my background and experiences, open to my sense of humor and generally pretty nice ....... some friends had feelings that were a little more delicate than i'm used to, but i respected that and made the adjustments

some people I met were phony nice as well - real passive aggressive - i was dating this girl who worked at a bar, one of the bartenders had a thing for her and honestly couldn't stand me .... however, everytime I came in he poured me a beer on the house (fresh glass, untampered with, etc)

others would sneak away from the large group to make snide comments or try to stick around and mock - i would usually call them out on it and they would get all quiet and mumble while backpeddling

that type of stuff goes on other places though, it just presents itself a little differently

overall though the people were great - the women were stunning and I even met my wife while living there

professionaly it was a struggle - there seemed to be a lot of distrust, questioning of motives, aloofness in interviews and no matter how hard you worked or by how much you outperformed the other people it didn't make a difference

I even took real basic entry level jobs, blew the supervisors away and then would hit a road block in advancement

I seemed to have more ice from managers who were older - if they were female it seemed to be worse

Often the HR reps were great and I would have a great interview with them and then the manager would just shut things down

In my experience they seemed more comfortable with people who are from the midwest - you could be out of town, as long as you were from WI, IA, ND, SD, IL or MI

other than that it was near impossible to break down doors

it was this professional frustration that led me to move here to phoenix (where I had two really good job offers within 2 months after moving) and i've left behind some people who remain really good friends 6+ years later

it's this professional situation that makes me hesitant to consider moving back

take it for what it's worth, but that was my experience

comment in italics: Passive-agressive is everywhere, Midwest, the South, etc. I can personally attest to this because I live in the South. I think in this region passive-agressive is a bit "louder". Some people can come off as very congenial and super-frienndly.

Comments in bold: That experience does sound classic. Your experience was calling someone out for their backbiting mentality. What I have seen was this.
A few years ago I was walking in a crowded hallway and apparently someone thought the "loudness" of a hallway could cover up certain things. There were two women sitting in the hallway making snide comments. One girl said "He looks like Carlton Banks", basically mocking the fact that a young African-American male(myself) was wearing relatively formal clothes. I turned around and called them out on it. The person who made the comment pretty much laughed about it, as if she felt justified in doing so. Basically, same attitude of passive-agressive, different response. The response you saw was that the persons were embarrassed. The reaction of the persons I called out was a reaction of "so what".

[Finger Laker]

your experience is more what I'd get in philly - people who say rude crap and don't really care

kind of a "so what - what are you going to do attitude"

[sonoronos]

I turned around and called them out on it. The person who made the comment pretty much laughed about it, as if she felt justified in doing so. Basically, same attitude of passive-agressive, different response. The response you saw was that the persons were embarrassed. The reaction of the persons I called out was a reaction of "so what".

You just have to learn how to call people out on things to get the "desired" response