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We moved here about two years ago and quickly realized that a little boy the same age as our son lived a few doors down. We introduced ourselves, and the boys played together once or twice. The mom, Dawn, was gushy and a little saccharine but nice enough. I liked that my son had a friend his age and that they would go to school together. Dawn said things like, "We just got a firepit and can't wait to have you over for a barbecue!" and "We'll have to get together soon for dinner." Okay. Nothing ever materialized. We invited them over a couple times--they were busy. Their son was too busy for invitations too. So we figured we had done something or we weren't their type (churchy). Also fine. They weren't really our type either, although we were always polite and nice to them. Over the summer, before it felt like they were shunning us, Dawn got really sick with the flu. I left a big, beautiful bouquet of peonies in a vase on her porch with a note. No response. We brought them a tray of cookies over Christmas (had to, because we brought some to our other neighbors, who are nice to us and somehow manage to have playdates and barbecues and dinners together with Dawn and family). No response about the cookies, either, not even a thank you. Most of this happened the first summer we were there. This past summer, she stopped by with her mother to say how much they missed us, and how much her son wanted to play with ours, and she would call me next week to set something up. Okay! No call. My call went unanswered. This woman just confuses the heck out of me. When we see them, they are pleasant enough but it's just so fake!
So we figured we wouldn't have anything to do with them. No big deal. But at the beginning of the school year, my husband wanted to get our son involved in cub scouts. Guess who appointed herself den leader? Of course. Whatever. We were at the den meeting a few days ago, and she complained that she had volunteered to help with the Halloween party at school today and realized she didn't have anyone to watch her younger son, who is three. I said I'd be home today and could watch him. She said, "Are you sure? Oh thank you so much! You're a lifesaver!" That was Monday. Last night my husband asked if Dawn had called or anything. She hadn't, and I had forgotten. So I called her this morning. "Oh, nevermind! Bonnie's going to watch him instead!" Welllll .... thanks for letting me know, Dawn.
I can't figure out if she is crazy or just thoughtless. Maybe I'm the crazy one for trying to figure out what's wrong with her and trying to be a friendly neighbor. I don't want to be a B to her (well, yes I do), because we like our other neighbors and we have to live with all these people for many years. I just don't know if there's any point to asking her if we've done something to tick her off, or why she is such a flake. I would much rather that she just leave us alone instead of doing this two-faced routine.
Do you have a terrible neighbor?
I do., and i tried to live at peace with him as much as i was able to. After many many complaints of his 6 dogs coming on my property crapping, barking at 5:30 a.m. at the property line, running free to where i nearly ran over a couple of them, his dogs preventing me from entering my own driveway , my garbage can overturned with garbage all over the front yard, and him smashing my glass table on the front deck in an effort to get me to hush up....the local authorities finally paid him a visit and fined him good. Since then, hes down to 2 dogs that are now fenced in a pen , never run free, seldom bark, etc... Some neighbors are simply defiant , entitled, and grossly inconsiderate. I can understand why many folks take the law into their own hands .
JUst Julia---are we neighbors? cause dawn sounds just like my neighbor (no her name is not dawn)
anyway, they had just moved in a few weeks before we did. we brought over stuff for Xmas cause they were alone and we had family. we invited them for coffee and cake, she has 3 kids and we have 1. they played together a few times. i babysat her kids a few times, and whenever i needed her to watch my son, i got the speach of how we need to be independant and be able to do things for ourselves. she watched my son ONCE for exactly 15 minutes, and when i got back, she had psychologically evaluated him (no she is not a psychologist, but she did begin to tell me she knew why he was "acting the way he is"...because my son tried to hug one of her kids.
then all of a sudden, we would drive into our drive way, and he kids would go into the house. we would go into our yard, they would go back in, or worse, pretend they didnt see us even though the properties are quite close together and you cant miss hearing or seeing anyone in the yard.
i come out in the morning, the only two people awake and outside, she pretends she doesn see me. a couple of times i would say "goodmorning" and she would look shocked "oh goodmorning, i didnt see you!"
ok so this odd behavior has been going on for a couple of years now. a few months ago, i had had it with the inconsistant behavior, so i began to just stop saying hello and trying to be freinds. you pretend you dont see us, we do the same to you.
the other day, i got an email :
"it's our daughter's babtism, and we would love it if you could join us!"
I agree about not wasting energy on someone who is not worth it, but I am like you, I go out of my way to be nice, cookies etc, and nothing later.
I did have an encounter with a neighbor a couple of weeks ago. I was in the grocery store and she came out of her way to come and hug and say hello to me and my husband. We had them over with another couple (neighbor) for a sit down dinner in the dining room. This was almost two years ago. We have a theater room, and we all watched a movie. Had a great time and expected to be invited to their home. Never Happened. At this chance meeting........we do see each other in passing now and then.......she asked when were we going to have another movie night. I know she is working and has had some health problems in the past year, but a "Why don't you two come over for a drink this weekend?" would be nice to hear.
Your neighbor is a flake. Plain and simple. There is no rhyme or reason for a flake's behavior, hence why the person is a flake. I got a flake neighbor too and even started a thread on here a while back about it (out of frustration) because like you, I just moved in 2 yrs ago and was trying to be neighborly. The whole situation baffled and annoyed me. This woman was very friendly at first but seemed nosey. Then she would give me these sly insult type comments. The kind of comments where you think..."uhh...did she just insult me?" It always happened in the mist of a friendly conversation. Her husband is great, go figure. He seems eager to be friends with hubby and I, but gosh I just cant take his wife and I think he knows it.
He still tries and after him offering to have us over for dinner (several times) we finally accepted. So we go over there and right off she starts asking me about my older children. I told her I didnt have any. Just our one child whom she of course sees everyday. She kept insisting I had older children in their 20's, in fact these children just graduated from college she says. Okay, I am not old enough to have children in their 20's, (insult number 1) well unless I gave birth to them at the age of 12. So after the 3rd time of saying no I did not have older kids I started to get pissed. Her husband could tell and he seemed miffed as to why his wife kept this insane questioning. He finally said her name real loud to get her to shut up. He then gave her this look like are you insane and says to her, I do not think "Sue" is old enough to have kids in their 20's. She then grins at me, shrugs and says well she could have been a really young mother then (insult #2). So apparently I must look like the type to get knocked up as a teen or something. I just dont get her at all. Hubby and I quickly ate our dinner and split. I think they knew we were completely offended because for months we did a quick wave when we saw them but avoided all contact. It was obvious they were kind of upset and in a way I felt bad cuz the husband is a really nice guy.
So a week ago I was out looking for my stupid cat that escaped the house. My neighbor came bounding out of her house so I knew she was watching me. She offered to help me look for my cat. She was overly friendly so I got the vibe she realize she had offended me a few months ago. It was a nice conversation as we looked for my cat and just as I was starting to think well maybe she isnt so bad, she went on this rant about how people that lose their homes should be jailed for life and people that have school loans are stupid and yada yada. Well guess who has school loans? Yep...me. Guess who has a family member that lost their house due to having cancer? Yep me...so I guess my uncle should spent the rest of his days behind bars. I think I am going back to the wave and ignore routine. She is a flake. Oh and she attends church every sunday and claims she is a good christian. Oh boyy.
Correct me if I am wrong, but the way I read your story: she extended an invitation to you soon after you moved to the neighborhood. So it sounds to me as though she decided that she doesn't like you after she got to know you a bit better. Or her kid doesn't like yours, or it's your husband... Maybe there is a rumor going around that you worship the devil. Who knows. Personally I would not expend any mental energy on this.
Well, the invitations have been going on for a couple of years now, not just at the beginning. I can understand that we don't click, and that's fine. But then she comes over and extends invitations again! You're right, though. I just need to forget about her bizarre behavior. I get to see her today for a cub scout outing, though. Joy.
Your neighbor is a flake. Plain and simple. There is no rhyme or reason for a flake's behavior, hence why the person is a flake. I got a flake neighbor too and even started a thread on here a while back about it (out of frustration) because like you, I just moved in 2 yrs ago and was trying to be neighborly. The whole situation baffled and annoyed me. This woman was very friendly at first but seemed nosey. Then she would give me these sly insult type comments. The kind of comments where you think..."uhh...did she just insult me?" It always happened in the mist of a friendly conversation. Her husband is great, go figure. He seems eager to be friends with hubby and I, but gosh I just cant take his wife and I think he knows it.
He still tries and after him offering to have us over for dinner (several times) we finally accepted. So we go over there and right off she starts asking me about my older children. I told her I didnt have any. Just our one child whom she of course sees everyday. She kept insisting I had older children in their 20's, in fact these children just graduated from college she says. Okay, I am not old enough to have children in their 20's, (insult number 1) well unless I gave birth to them at the age of 12. So after the 3rd time of saying no I did not have older kids I started to get pissed. Her husband could tell and he seemed miffed as to why his wife kept this insane questioning. He finally said her name real loud to get her to shut up. He then gave her this look like are you insane and says to her, I do not think "Sue" is old enough to have kids in their 20's. She then grins at me, shrugs and says well she could have been a really young mother then (insult #2). So apparently I must look like the type to get knocked up as a teen or something. I just dont get her at all. Hubby and I quickly ate our dinner and split. I think they knew we were completely offended because for months we did a quick wave when we saw them but avoided all contact. It was obvious they were kind of upset and in a way I felt bad cuz the husband is a really nice guy.
So a week ago I was out looking for my stupid cat that escaped the house. My neighbor came bounding out of her house so I knew she was watching me. She offered to help me look for my cat. She was overly friendly so I got the vibe she realize she had offended me a few months ago. It was a nice conversation as we looked for my cat and just as I was starting to think well maybe she isnt so bad, she went on this rant about how people that lose their homes should be jailed for life and people that have school loans are stupid and yada yada. Well guess who has school loans? Yep...me. Guess who has a family member that lost their house due to having cancer? Yep me...so I guess my uncle should spent the rest of his days behind bars. I think I am going back to the wave and ignore routine. She is a flake. Oh and she attends church every sunday and claims she is a good christian. Oh boyy.
So just to be clear about all this here. You are accepting her husbands invitation to Christmas eve dinner correct?
We moved here about two years ago and quickly realized that a little boy the same age as our son lived a few doors down. We introduced ourselves, and the boys played together once or twice. The mom, Dawn, was gushy and a little saccharine but nice enough. I liked that my son had a friend his age and that they would go to school together. Dawn said things like, "We just got a firepit and can't wait to have you over for a barbecue!" and "We'll have to get together soon for dinner." Okay. Nothing ever materialized. We invited them over a couple times--they were busy. Their son was too busy for invitations too. So we figured we had done something or we weren't their type (churchy). Also fine. They weren't really our type either, although we were always polite and nice to them. Over the summer, before it felt like they were shunning us, Dawn got really sick with the flu. I left a big, beautiful bouquet of peonies in a vase on her porch with a note. No response. We brought them a tray of cookies over Christmas (had to, because we brought some to our other neighbors, who are nice to us and somehow manage to have playdates and barbecues and dinners together with Dawn and family). No response about the cookies, either, not even a thank you. Most of this happened the first summer we were there. This past summer, she stopped by with her mother to say how much they missed us, and how much her son wanted to play with ours, and she would call me next week to set something up. Okay! No call. My call went unanswered. This woman just confuses the heck out of me. When we see them, they are pleasant enough but it's just so fake!
So we figured we wouldn't have anything to do with them. No big deal. But at the beginning of the school year, my husband wanted to get our son involved in cub scouts. Guess who appointed herself den leader? Of course. Whatever. We were at the den meeting a few days ago, and she complained that she had volunteered to help with the Halloween party at school today and realized she didn't have anyone to watch her younger son, who is three. I said I'd be home today and could watch him. She said, "Are you sure? Oh thank you so much! You're a lifesaver!" That was Monday. Last night my husband asked if Dawn had called or anything. She hadn't, and I had forgotten. So I called her this morning. "Oh, nevermind! Bonnie's going to watch him instead!" Welllll .... thanks for letting me know, Dawn.
I can't figure out if she is crazy or just thoughtless. Maybe I'm the crazy one for trying to figure out what's wrong with her and trying to be a friendly neighbor. I don't want to be a B to her (well, yes I do), because we like our other neighbors and we have to live with all these people for many years. I just don't know if there's any point to asking her if we've done something to tick her off, or why she is such a flake. I would much rather that she just leave us alone instead of doing this two-faced routine.
Do you have a terrible neighbor?
Yep.
Regarding your neighbor, you have little choice but to kill her with kindness. however, just realize that you have a world-class user on your hands, someone who sees others as instruments to help her cope with her life, not as neighbors.
Our neighbor is like that. She is a complete and total drama queen. She's the kind of person who will call you up if she needs something but will ignore you at the grocery store. Just last month, she was having internet problems, and called me three times in about 10 minutes to see if I could come over and help. So I stroll over there, and spend an hour fixing her problem. Ta-Da!
The next day I'm at the library. She strolls right past me, looks me in the eye, and keeps going. At first I thought it was me, but she pretty much treats everybody like that. She's one of that small number of people whom, when I found out her husband cheated on her, I thought, "Well she had it coming to her." My wife, upon learning the news, said, "I wonder what took George so long?"
People like that never learn. But those who live next door to them can.
I leave my neighbors alone completely. They leave me alone. It's better that way.
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It always happened in the mist of a friendly conversation. Her husband is great, go figure. He seems eager to be friends with hubby and I, but gosh I just cant take his wife and I think he knows it. 
So apparently I must look like the type to get knocked up as a teen or something. I just dont get her at all. Hubby and I quickly ate our dinner and split. I think they knew we were completely offended because for months we did a quick wave when we saw them but avoided all contact. It was obvious they were kind of upset and in a way I felt bad cuz the husband is a really nice guy.
