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We moved here about two years ago and quickly realized that a little boy the same age as our son lived a few doors down. We introduced ourselves, and the boys played together once or twice. The mom, Dawn, was gushy and a little saccharine but nice enough. I liked that my son had a friend his age and that they would go to school together. Dawn said things like, "We just got a firepit and can't wait to have you over for a barbecue!" and "We'll have to get together soon for dinner." Okay. Nothing ever materialized. We invited them over a couple times--they were busy. Their son was too busy for invitations too. So we figured we had done something or we weren't their type (churchy). Also fine. They weren't really our type either, although we were always polite and nice to them. Over the summer, before it felt like they were shunning us, Dawn got really sick with the flu. I left a big, beautiful bouquet of peonies in a vase on her porch with a note. No response. We brought them a tray of cookies over Christmas (had to, because we brought some to our other neighbors, who are nice to us and somehow manage to have playdates and barbecues and dinners together with Dawn and family). No response about the cookies, either, not even a thank you. Most of this happened the first summer we were there. This past summer, she stopped by with her mother to say how much they missed us, and how much her son wanted to play with ours, and she would call me next week to set something up. Okay! No call. My call went unanswered. This woman just confuses the heck out of me. When we see them, they are pleasant enough but it's just so fake!
So we figured we wouldn't have anything to do with them. No big deal. But at the beginning of the school year, my husband wanted to get our son involved in cub scouts. Guess who appointed herself den leader? Of course. Whatever. We were at the den meeting a few days ago, and she complained that she had volunteered to help with the Halloween party at school today and realized she didn't have anyone to watch her younger son, who is three. I said I'd be home today and could watch him. She said, "Are you sure? Oh thank you so much! You're a lifesaver!" That was Monday. Last night my husband asked if Dawn had called or anything. She hadn't, and I had forgotten. So I called her this morning. "Oh, nevermind! Bonnie's going to watch him instead!" Welllll .... thanks for letting me know, Dawn.
I can't figure out if she is crazy or just thoughtless. Maybe I'm the crazy one for trying to figure out what's wrong with her and trying to be a friendly neighbor. I don't want to be a B to her (well, yes I do), because we like our other neighbors and we have to live with all these people for many years. I just don't know if there's any point to asking her if we've done something to tick her off, or why she is such a flake. I would much rather that she just leave us alone instead of doing this two-faced routine.
Do you have a terrible neighbor?
Although Dawn and her hubby, take it to the extreme, I don't think Dawn and her husband DON'T like you. I just think they're 'sometimey'...SOMETIMES they want to be bothered, SOMETIMES they don't. I know plenty of people like this. I myself, can get like this when I get in my moods. Its not YOU per se, its THEM.
Do I have terrible neighbors? Don't even get me started. There's a row house, 2 doors down, where EVERY TIME the slumlord rents out one of the units, its always some inconsiderate SCHMUKS who play their music loudly, have all types of company day in and day out, allllll hours of the day, too, like to stare and glare at you when you pull up in front of your house, but never say HELLO.....I could go on and on..
I think you've invested enough effort into being a good neighbor and it's time to reel it in and keep things to a cordial "hello, how are you" and press on. She sounds sort of flakey and scatter-brained. Like any other relationship, if it was meant to be, it would have happened by now.
I've had plenty of horrible neighbors, enough to fill a pysch ward at a mental hospital. Junkies, dealers, drunks, ex-cons, gangsters, and varying degrees of looney's who belonged in a rubber room. With neighbors like that we didn't need cable TV. If nothing else it kept things interesting.
JustJulia, I sympathize with your situation here. It sounds like this neighbor is a real pain. I do want to make one comment, however. It makes me feel awkward when a neighbor leaves a present on my porch. Don't get me wrong. I really appreciate it, but exactly how am I supposed to express my appreciation? Leave something on their porch? What kind of response were you hoping for here? (Not saying you were wrong to leave cookies ... again, this neighbor sounds like a pill, and you sound absolutely normal to be asking yourself wtf? based on what you've said.) I'm just wondering what's good etiquette for reciprocating here?
JustJulia, I sympathize with your situation here. It sounds like this neighbor is a real pain. I do want to make one comment, however. It makes me feel awkward when a neighbor leaves a present on my porch. Don't get me wrong. I really appreciate it, but exactly how am I supposed to express my appreciation? Leave something on their porch? What kind of response were you hoping for here? (Not saying you were wrong to leave cookies ... again, this neighbor sounds like a pill, and you sound absolutely normal to be asking yourself wtf? based on what you've said.) I'm just wondering what's good etiquette for reciprocating here?
Just a quick note left on the door, voicemail on the answering machine, note in the mailbox to say thank you for the flowers. That's what I would like if the person doesn't want to approach me. I would want some kind of confirmation that the flowers were received, not accidentally blown away by the wind or stolen by a passer by.
We moved here about two years ago and quickly realized that a little boy the same age as our son lived a few doors down. We introduced ourselves, and the boys played together once or twice. The mom, Dawn, was gushy and a little saccharine but nice enough. I liked that my son had a friend his age and that they would go to school together. Dawn said things like, "We just got a firepit and can't wait to have you over for a barbecue!" and "We'll have to get together soon for dinner." Okay. Nothing ever materialized. We invited them over a couple times--they were busy. Their son was too busy for invitations too. So we figured we had done something or we weren't their type (churchy). Also fine. They weren't really our type either, although we were always polite and nice to them. Over the summer, before it felt like they were shunning us, Dawn got really sick with the flu. I left a big, beautiful bouquet of peonies in a vase on her porch with a note. No response. We brought them a tray of cookies over Christmas (had to, because we brought some to our other neighbors, who are nice to us and somehow manage to have playdates and barbecues and dinners together with Dawn and family). No response about the cookies, either, not even a thank you. Most of this happened the first summer we were there. This past summer, she stopped by with her mother to say how much they missed us, and how much her son wanted to play with ours, and she would call me next week to set something up. Okay! No call. My call went unanswered. This woman just confuses the heck out of me. When we see them, they are pleasant enough but it's just so fake!
So we figured we wouldn't have anything to do with them. No big deal. But at the beginning of the school year, my husband wanted to get our son involved in cub scouts. Guess who appointed herself den leader? Of course. Whatever. We were at the den meeting a few days ago, and she complained that she had volunteered to help with the Halloween party at school today and realized she didn't have anyone to watch her younger son, who is three. I said I'd be home today and could watch him. She said, "Are you sure? Oh thank you so much! You're a lifesaver!" That was Monday. Last night my husband asked if Dawn had called or anything. She hadn't, and I had forgotten. So I called her this morning. "Oh, nevermind! Bonnie's going to watch him instead!" Welllll .... thanks for letting me know, Dawn.
I can't figure out if she is crazy or just thoughtless. Maybe I'm the crazy one for trying to figure out what's wrong with her and trying to be a friendly neighbor. I don't want to be a B to her (well, yes I do), because we like our other neighbors and we have to live with all these people for many years. I just don't know if there's any point to asking her if we've done something to tick her off, or why she is such a flake. I would much rather that she just leave us alone instead of doing this two-faced routine.
Do you have a terrible neighbor?
After all the times you've tried to be nice with no results...
I'd just dismiss her.....
Unfortunately I've met some of those "churchy" types myself,
They feel they can say and do whatever they please...
Don't feel bad about it either, it was her choice to behave thet way...
What is up with people now days. My life has gotten so much better. I thought people were happy for you when you are happy. NOT. My neighbors are making strange comments. Like must be nice to have that much toilet paper.... and i am like yuppers...... and they act like I should give them some or something. People I admired here are acting bizarre all the sudden the economy takes a shi.... and people do not stay in their positive zone obviously. My neighbor came up the other day and looked at my groceries I bought and says must be nice, you have more than you could use there don't you? And then procceded to ask me if I could give her a ride to get her some spam cause thats all she could afford. Then another neighbor found out I was going to the cubby game and said wow must be nice in a bitter tone. And I replied yuppers.... IT PISSED THEM OFF. WHASSUP?
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.....I could go on and on..
