Rant about depressed people in my life and how can I cope with all of my girl friends being weak depressed losers?

[Kayekaye]

OP I totally understand. I have been feeling the same way. My closet friend of decades has never climbed out of her pity party. My next friend is suffering from situational depression but won’t make the changes to her situation to help.

So I have been distancing myself from both of them. They know my stance, I have not minced words with either of them. They understand and agree with me about their situations. We have just grown apart.

The first one has found a new boyfriend and moved in with him, even though he doesn’t believe in marriage -ever, which is paramount to her. So she is his problem now and I am glad. The second one is just drowning in her misery, mostly of her own making. But she has discovered that committing herself to the psych ward a couple times hasn’t helped. She has tried a dozen different drugs and decided they don’t help. Her “situation” will change in about 4 years. She may kill herself before that, who knows… But I’ve done all I can for far too many years and it’s not on my shoulders anymore.

I too want the fun night out with happy girlfriends. And I am making it happen.

Put them on the back burner. Don’t answer calls after bedtime. Don’t rescue. Check in once a month, and then less.

For all those saying chemical imbalances cause depression you haven’t read enough about it. That was a hypothesis that was never proven, but heavily marketed direct to consumer. Here is an enlightening article, one of dozens, that explains this phenomena:

https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/vie...ce-myths-again

[ukiyo-e]

Originally Posted by Pear Martini

I strongly believe that most people can CHOOSE to be happy. Sure, maybe 15% of depressed people have a chemical imbalance but I think most depressed people are just comfortable playing the role of victim vs. being a survivor.

Do you really think depressed people choose to be depressed? I've suffered several bouts of depression in my 67 years; fortunately for me, they may only last a few months, then lift, and I have been in a stable, good mood for a few years now.

Believe me - if there was some way a depressed person could just decide to be happy, they would. Because real, clinical depression is miserable, and not something you snap your fingers and recover from.

I don't know your friends and I'm not a mental health professional, so of course, I can't say with any expertise, but there are whiny complainers who are not depressed - they are not the same issue. There are people like that who revel in their victim-hood and could help themselves, but don't. And part of the reason they don't is because people like you keep lending a sympathetic ear, in spite of the burden it causes you to shoulder.

So stop doing it. It doesn't matter how long you've known someone. In the decades I've lived I have seen a lot of friends come and go for various reasons. Find people who give you energy, and distance yourself from the ones who drain it.

[Kayekaye]

This article says “There Is No Such Thing as a Psychiatric Disorder/Disease/Chemical Imbalance”.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1518691/

This article says “The chemical imbalance theory is disproven, yet it’s often presented as an explanation for mental health conditions.”
https://www.healthline.com/health/ch...e-brain#causes

And this one “ researchers have not proven that chemical imbalances are the initial cause of these conditions. Other factors that contribute to mental health conditions include:
-genetics and family history
-life experiences, such as a history of physical, psychological, or emotional abuse
-having a history of alcohol or illicit drug use
-taking certain medications
-psychosocial factors, such as external circumstances that lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness”
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326475#myths

All this to say that even the most mental health problems need to be approached on many levels, including active participation of the patient. We have the misinformed idea that this is beyond the depressed person’s ability.

We, as friends, are not the counselor or god they need. And the more we try, from good-hearted attempts, just make us miserable.

OP you have put in enough years caretaking. I know you do care for them but it’s taking it’s toll on you. You can’t be their answer. I hope you can free yourself from this viscous circle and be happy. Detangle and love them from a bit afar. Good luck.