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I don't have typical interests and no time for drama. I'm only friends with like minded men or women. Unfortunately, a lot of women are interested in clothing, shopping, celebrities, etc. I'd rather talk about fishing, recent books, canning, hiking or whiskey. So, I have a hard time finding the right women to be friends with.
You sound like a woman who would be very popular with the guys.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocco Barbosa
I've spent my entire career working in healthcare. Healthcare is largely a workforce made up of women.
In my 20 years of working, starting as an hourly associate and now as a Director at a very large hospital network( I've worked in 6 different hospitals)........I can see why many women are not friends with other women.
Some of the nastiest and most negitive people working in the hopitals are women. It's hard for me to believe some of them have children and boyfriends/husbands. It's vey toxic to say the least. I am not saying men are not toxic, but I can clearly see why many women don't have women friends.
The level of meaness and cattiness is overbearing at times. It's actually unforunate because many of them think their behavior is "just fine".
What are your theories?
I've had drama with men and women in the workplace as a guy. By far, the worst drama has been with women and female-dominated workplaces are more likely to have drama in my eyes. I worked at a bank branch in the KY/IN area that I was the only guy at. The women were serious gossips and lived talking behind each other's back. I think guys are more likely to approach work with a mindset of just doing their work, shutting up and going home while women want to branch out their friendship trees to coworkers more and when they get rejected they don't take it lying down..
Yes, unfortunately, my experience in working for a small hospital in Estes Park, CO was a hair-raiser with exactly what you are describing. The bullying on my job started right away...the first week, by a good Christian woman. Sociopaths / psychopaths / toxic narcissists have a high population in the healthcare field. I kept waiting for it to get better. Ha! I became an expert on "bullying" out of necessity...try bully online. The only way for an organization to deal with bullying is to have a zero tolerance policy and to enforce it strictly. Today I'm alive, well, and living my best life...away from that town and those barracudas who like to be a big fish in a very small pond.
And you know this how? Let me guess; your armchair psychologist's opinions on all things related to mental health I've worked in healthcare my entire career, and that hasn't been my experience at all. I love my field (ophthalmology). Everyone can be mean. Work is stressful, people spend most of their waking hours at work, and they don't get any from their coworkers. No wonder they get irritable.
I've spent my entire career working in healthcare. Healthcare is largely a workforce made up of women.
In my 20 years of working, starting as an hourly associate and now as a Director at a very large hospital network( I've worked in 6 different hospitals)........I can see why many women are not friends with other women.
Some of the nastiest and most negitive people working in the hopitals are women. It's hard for me to believe some of them have children and boyfriends/husbands. It's vey toxic to say the least. I am not saying men are not toxic, but I can clearly see why many women don't have women friends.
The level of meaness and cattiness is overbearing at times. It's actually unforunate because many of them think their behavior is "just fine".
What are your theories?
I work in healthcare with mostly women too. When I complain about work to others they'll say, "Oh, come on, it can't be that bad! You are exagerrating!" Then I say.... "I work with all women." "Oh." Recognitition blooms.
I took your title differently. I know women who arent friends with other women for shallow reasons. They aren't "Women's women" if you understand that reference. They just use ppl and want men as their primary social outlet. They wouldnt be good friends with good qualities, so if I meet women who have no women friends I know there is a good reason and avoid them.
Mostly what I have found with the women you describe at work - I find that work is not about work. It is about ego and pretending to have substance and attention whoring. I am "like a man" at work so I find this tedious. Many of the nasty women at work I know are very insecure and unable to stand by their accomplishments, whether or not they do worthwhile work. People at work confident in their abilities don't have a reason to hide and lash out - which also threatens said insecure workers. Perhaps our culture perpetuates women to not be secure in themselves like ever? And it comes out at work because they can get away with hit? :shrug
As long as they are fine with the consequences of not having friends - and frankly I am pleased when ppl reap what they sow - then I stay uninvolved. I can't control other ppl. And nasty catty women generally dislike me immediately, I am genuine and forthright. And I dont take **** from ppl.
I'm fortunate that, outside work, I have many long term quality friendships with women. I'd be lost without them. And I meet new ones now and then; I tend to hold onto 'good' people I also have fun with.
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I've spent my entire career working in healthcare. Healthcare is largely a workforce made up of women.
In my 20 years of working, starting as an hourly associate and now as a Director at a very large hospital network( I've worked in 6 different hospitals)........I can see why many women are not friends with other women.
Some of the nastiest and most negitive people working in the hopitals are women. It's hard for me to believe some of them have children and boyfriends/husbands. It's vey toxic to say the least. I am not saying men are not toxic, but I can clearly see why many women don't have women friends.
The level of meaness and cattiness is overbearing at times. It's actually unforunate because many of them think their behavior is "just fine".
What are your theories?
I have female friends that only have and want male friends and I always ask why they all say " bitchiness " I agree to some extent but if I had just male friends think we would be fighting All the time
I would say it's a matter of observation. Some people think everyone is nice and kind and compassionate because they don't pay attention to the small details and naturally filter out the negativity. I've also seen quite a few women who genuinely believe people are good so they never think their coworkers can be nasty/catty/mean/etc.
Although I would say, women do tend to create more drama. When I was growing up, my mother always brought home her frustration and crazy stories about coworkers (she works with mostly women). I personally have seen quite a few of women who do the kind of things OP talks about, but I generally distance myself from them and only hang out with guys and like-minded women.
I'm a retired teacher, also a workforce made up primarily of women. With a few, very rare exceptions, all of the women that I have worked with are kind, sweet, compassionate people. Many would literally give you the shirt of their back if you needed it.
I have only known one teacher who was mean or catty out of the hundreds of female teachers that I have worked with since I started teaching 40 years ago.
Everything you said has been pretty true in my experience. Other women I meet are catty, mean, and also incredibly vain. I do not want to talk about clothes shopping, the most expensive bag I own, when I can get my nails done, or which female acquaintance is having a torrid affair and being a ****. I just don't care about any of that material nonsense and I hate gossiping. Gossiping women give me a headache and make me want to claw my ears off. I know there are some warm and caring women out there but I rarely meet them. The ones I thought were nice turned into those catty and vain people after a while. I no longer spend any energy on female friendships. It is exhausting and nauseating and NOT worth the time investment. I am much happier just dealing with my own family and my own life. I get along much better with males and always have. I will say my Stepmom is the sweetest and kindest person I know though. She's a rare jewel. She is called "Mom" by me and always will be as she is the one who always took care of me and loved me through thick and thin. She is the only female in my life that is positive, kind, and strong. Knowing people like her are out there makes me KNOW that there are other women like that out there but they are indeed rare.
Those are very kind words you spoke of your stepmother and you were very fortunate. I believe you may also be a stepdaughter one could be proud of. When working years ago there was a group of women I sometimes ate with. Topic one day was on mother in laws. One after another they made negative comments about theirs. Got to me and could only speak nice things of mine. Silence filled the area and they assumed I was joking. Told them I wasn't joking and that I loved her and father in law as my own parents. When thinking back on this was wondering if its just something women do to be like everyone else or are these other women in their lives really that bad.
Wanted to keep this part of your message separate. There are various professions that have the type of women you mentioned and its kind of worrisome that these people are in charge of meeting your health needs. Anytime there are a majority of women working together its like mixing oil and water. Women are jealous by nature and are rattled by those who have got a decent, fun relationship with the male in their life. They don't care for someone who is attractive,dresses well and keep themselves fit. They also are good at talking about said person and trying to make them feel inept. These people usually have had a divorce or two and overall very unhappy.
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I've worked in healthcare my entire career, and that hasn't been my experience at all. I love my field (ophthalmology). Everyone can be mean. Work is stressful, people spend most of their waking hours at work, and they don't get any from their coworkers. No wonder they get irritable.
