How to convince my parents I want to quit my job. (talks, college)
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I hope that you find a way to do what you want to do. You can't "convince" your parents to help you. If you truly need their help, write out a thoughtful plan and approach them, in person, with your notes in hand. Explain what you want, what you want from them and then ask nicely. If they refuse, find a way to do it on your own.
THEN - remember this when you're a parent.
I admit that I have been in the "do it yourself" camp for most of my adult life. Most parents I know are there with me. Then, something happened.
I gave birth to an overachiever. I always planned for my kids to pay their own way - through college and life. School of hard knocks, so to speak. Then I came across an article that changed my thinking. It was written by a parent who explained why they were paying their kid's way - and didn't encourage them to get minimum wage jobs at the age of 16 like everyone I grew up with. It explained concepts I didn't fully understand, like the value of unpaid or low pay internships.
So, I have a new deal with my kids - I'll pay their way until they are done with their Masters, including living expenses and student loans, as long as they have a 3.5 GPA or higher and are working toward their goals. Or, they can choose to pay their own way. But what I learned is that to give my son a leg up on the executive track, especially as we do not come from that social class, is going to be expensive and time consuming. BUT if I really want my kids to have better, I will do better, and not just raise them in the lower middle class mindset I was raised in - not that there is anything wrong with my life. But my son wants better, and I want to help him achieve it.
Sometimes grown up americans have to do jobs they don't particularly like to survive. I think from your posts that you may potentially be experiencing some form of depression. It might be good to see a professional about that.
I don't think you understand dude. First off, I am not white. So yeah we come from different cultures. I am Indian. And let me school you real quick. Indian families stick together. They didn't yell at me because I have to "be a man" because this is not about being a man. This is about making a career change and saving as much money as possible while doing it. Because you know why? When they fall sick, I have no problem paying for their medical bills (with the money I save) as is the other way around. If I fall sick, I know for a fact that they have no problem paying my medical bills. We are a family and we stick together. I do not know how it is like in your culture but that's how it is in mine.
So yeah spare me with that big American ego [bleep].
He yelled at me for because I would be losing 3 months of paychecks....for which I am not paying him for anything right now. I am paying everything which relates to me (like med insurance, car insurance) myself.
and you are saying this is "not doing something about it"....you know what's "not doing something about it"?
If I were to move back home and sit there and not pursue a career change.
doing something about it is paying money off of my own darn pocket for my own training.
like I said, you old farts assume a lot of things when you don't have enough evidence. I laugh at you. Please kick yourself in the lady nuts.
Wow, if you're really this spring loaded and sarcastic in real life, I can imagine why your parents might shudder at the idea of you moving back home.
You said your parents yelled at you when you told them about your plans. What specifically did they yell at you? What are their specific issues with your plan?
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 09-14-2015 at 08:43 AM..
Thanks for the support. Some people just don't seem to get what a family is actually for.
There are many different - and successful - family "styles."
You say you are Indian and therefore you have a family "style" and some societal norms that are different from "white America" apparently. Perhaps you should have made that clear in the OP.
My family has been American since the 1640s. We are very close knit. However, my parents were raised to be very self sufficient at a very early age (basically 18 or so). They raised their kids (my brothers and me) in the same manner. I raised my kids in the same manner.
Also, in our American family, the parents are expected to provide for their own retirement needs, and every generation has done so. My parents are no different. My husband and I also are working diligently on our own retirement plans as well and are on track. We don't expect to move in with our kids or have them paying our bills - ever.
That doesn't mean that we don't stick together as a family. What it DOES mean is that down multiple generations - as far back as my father can remember - the vast majority of family members have managed to be self sufficient as young adults, and as retirees. There have been a few who had genuine health issues and in those cases in which they honestly couldn't do it all themselves, their family members stepped up to the plate.
So yeah - different families have different styles. If you expect others to be understanding of your family values, you should practice what you preach.
I simply said I want to move back home so I have a place to stay so I can train myself in SAP for a couple of months and be out of there when I get a job.
If I was your parent, I would laugh in your face. You have $13k in the bank and you want to mooch off me, while you take classes? Nope.
Go get your own place and take your classes. Pull up your big boy britches and grow up.
Now it's "I want it and I want it now". I don't like my job so I will just quit.
I have a friend whose 27 year old daughter is getting married, the girl is put out that the father won't pay for a big wedding, she has been living with the guy for 5 years, between the two of them they make in the six figures, but daddy should pay for a fancy wedding.....LOL.
The entitlement today is mind boggling.
It would be nice if people didn't generalize as much. I don't know of anyone my age who quit his or her job because they didn't like it. And when I was twenty-seven only a few short years ago, my husband and I paid for our own wedding in the overpriced town of NYC---didn't ask our parents for anything---after being together for five years. I didn't ask my parents for a dime to put toward college either because they didn't have any money. Maybe entitled people are just people I would never be acquainted with, so I don't know anyone who falls into this category.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lae60
Actually, as the millennials are at the "I should to work" age multigenerational households are becoming common as the parenting for that generation is showing that these now adult aged people are completely unable to preform in a work environment unless it is able to cater to their lifestyle of playing on phones, internet, etc. with no responsibility for preforming a work related task.
...and the millennials can only get all that by living with their parents who worked years to earn it. That way 'their money' goes to the 'fun' part of life and mommie and daddy pay for the basic expenses.
More generalizations, as usual. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm about 10x more efficient of a worker than the older people I work with being a millennial and all. I could sit on my phone and visit websites all night at work and still work in circles around these people. (I don't sit on my phone all night, just to be clear.) People keep talking about having their parents pay for stuff---I'm still waiting for that to happen!
Just kidding---every person (sorry MILLENNIAL) I know lives on their own and pays their own bills. You'd think that never happens on this website.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Um.
I am Indian.
When my dad was your age, he was sending money BACK to India to his parents. He had a studio apartment and one set of eating utensils and a mattress. And still sent money back while pursuing his 2 masters degrees. Also working.
EXCUSE FAIL!!!
ROFLMAO!!!!
Mod cut.
That was great. I'm waiting for the OP to respond. But I still don't think you know what it's like to be Indian.
I would take back either of my Sons, if they needed help, and not think a second thought about it. That is what families do for each other. I would think I failed if they were afraid to ask me for help when they needed it ! There is a difference between being a mooch and having a temporary problem that they need help with.
Better watch what you say, after all, some day YOU will be old and helpless, and YOU may need to be taken in and helped by one of your kids.
Don
sure if they need help... op has a job, he has savigs, he doesnt need help, he is just fed up with his job...
there is a difference between helping and babying someone who doesnt need it
what do you think the country would be like if everyone ran to parents when they got tired of their iob?
I am 26 years old and I am a Java programmer in Atlanta. My hometown is Dallas TX. I do not have a family that depends on me.
So the first reason:
I moved to Atlanta on May 6th and since then it has been a series of bad events. First my roommate was such an ass*ole to a point where I had to move out and pay 2 rents at once for one month. My knee got hyperextended and I was on crutches for 2 months straight. Then I have some crappy coworkers at work which brings me to my 2nd reason.
Second reason:
I hate programming. I gave it a shot for 3 years and found out it's not for me. I hate logic puzzles and sitting behind a computer and researching code all day. I hate my job and I hate my coworkers. I had a phone interview where they asked me basic java questions and I answered all of them flawlessly. There were no "share your screen and code" questions at all. So my intermediate developer (he is not my boss) emailed me programming interview questions 4 months after the interview and 3 1/2 months after I got the job to "prove myself." and he also said in front of the director and a couple other managers that "I do not know ****." I have never worked with him before and he is in no position to say that and that was very unprofessional. So I told my boss about those two instances and she said she will deal with it accordingly.
The next morning I need help on some code so I asked some people and they said they will not help and that I have to figure it out on my own. It is like a frat-boy atmosphere here. When you tell your boss about someone's un-professionalism, his friends will also not like you.
Did I also say that I absolutely dread programming? I hate java, I hate Apache Camel, I hate spring. I hate everything about it. I am more of a social guy so therefore I like to be talking to people rather than sitting behind a computer and research/type code.
I want to learn SAP because it is a functional role rather than a technical role. I feel like I can thrive in that technology. I have found some training places where they will train you in SAP and look for a job for you.
I called my parents today and they just shouted at me today. I so want to just put in my two weeks notice in on Monday. How can I tell them that I am sick and tired of programming and want to do something different?
Thanks
Examine why/how you made such a poor choice. You sound like someone griping about a significant other, to which people would respond "you picked her". Also, in the spirit of "owning our own sh*t" in life, is it possible that it is you who is the douchebag? For me personally, all my problems start in the mirror.
I was a programmer for 18 months in the 1990s. I didn't "hate it", but I didn't thrive either, and despite everything being great "on paper" with the salary, benefits, work environment, etc, I quit and started a remodeling company. I was successful at that but didn't really like it either, so I went "all in" into real estate and am still doing that 20 years later, and love it.
Get to the root cause of your unhappiness, else you'll ping pong around in life seeking it, and one day turn 50 and still be miserable.
Actually, as the millennials are at the "I should to work" age multigenerational households are becoming common as the parenting for that generation is showing that these now adult aged people are completely unable to preform in a work environment unless it is able to cater to their lifestyle of playing on phones, internet, etc. with no responsibility for preforming a work related task.
It has never been easy for an 18 year old to make a living wage and live on their own. In the past 18 year olds were willing to work towards improving their lifestyle and started out with room mates, working 2 jobs, putting in overtime, living with minimal household furniture, walking and taking the bus, and eating in and that on cheap food. The current 18-30 year olds want a nice house in a nice neighborhood, with all the furnishings as well as a nice car and good budget for eating out and recreational / entertainment activities. THAT is what the older folks worked most of their lives to achieve.....
...and the millennials can only get all that by living with their parents who worked years to earn it. That way 'their money' goes to the 'fun' part of life and mommie and daddy pay for the basic expenses.
I was born in '83 so I think that makes me a millennial. Your analysis is spot-on. The millennials do not understand or think that delayed gratification applies to them. They should be managers directly out of college. They should have nice houses and cars regardless of their salaries. It's complete fantasy land stuff, but that is what they believe.
Like others, I also saw the thread title and thought this was a 16 year old who didn't want to work at McDonalds anymore. I'm embarrassed to be associated with people in this generation.
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