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I have chronically late friends, and since I rarely do things singly with them, well, they're just late to the event. We already ordered food, we're already seated in the movie, we might be halfway through our interest in being in this specific location and they might not feel like they got enough time.
Here's what I've noticed about them, that surprised me. They aren't passive-aggressive. They're positive, and social, and they're the kind of people who think ooh, I can run this one more errand before I get to the gathering and I'll still be on time. They're just wrong about their time management.
Here's specifically what I've noticed. There is NO ONE who is chronically late, that I don't look forward to seeing once they arrive. The people I really don't care to see at all usually arrive on time, or arrive early. *shrug*
I say this, as a person who arrives early, so there's that.
I noticed the happy attitude as well. That is their strategy to have others overlook their tardiness. Since I picked up on that, I too make sure I walk in with a big smile and show a lot of interest in the other party. If I ever got a whiff that the party only became lively when the late people showed up, I don't accept invitations from that group anymore. So far, there has been no need to do that.
Sister is always late to family get-togethers. We tell her to arrive not later than xxxx because that's when we'll start serving, even though the actual time is an hour or more later. If she doesn't make it, she eats leftovers.
She never manages to be late for work, appointments, concerts, etc. -- just to family stuff. So we stopped waiting on her, even when she's bringing a dish -- we can always eat it later.
I doubt she'll change, but we don't allow her tardiness to interfere. It's her problem, not ours.
I USED to have a friend like that. Their family is known for being late all the time so when party is at 6pm, we tell them it is at 5 and they will arrive around 7. One time our group of friends went tubing at a ski resort. We didn't join them because my kids were too young and it was below freezing but I heard of everyone's annoyance for this ex-friend. They had a group rate and everyone should be there or else they wouldn't get the group discount. This family arrived an hour later without any guilt that they made them wait in the cold. They couldn't be contacted and when they came it was like nothing. We all remained friends maybe for another 4 years or so. The last straw for me was when we planned for breakfast at a restaurant and she made me wait for 45 minutes. I left when she finally replied to may text and said she's coming. I never spoke to her again. Why waste time on people like that? They don't respect or value your time so better spend it with people who do.
I am a punctual person yet understand that things come up and can understand when people who you’ve made plans with are a little late, up to 20 minutes, or so. However, I notice some people are always late and not just by a little. They could show up an hour or two late and barely acknowledge it. They always had some sort of trouble getting out the door, etc. One time I tried to talk to a chronically late friend about how it made me feel like she didn’t value my time when she would always come late. She didn’t get it at all and instead acted like I was expecting too much from her. Instead of pressing I just stopped making plans with her.
If you are a person who is chronically late do you ever think about how your lateness impacts the people who you are meeting? Do you ever try to change and be more punctual? Does it work? If not why? What are the barriers that make being on time or even close to on time impossible?
For those who are like me, have you ever been able to get through to a chronically late person in your life and get them to see your side and make a change for the better? Is there an hope for the chronically late? Can they change?
No. They do not change. Chronic lateness is a form of arrogance. 'Your time is not as important as MY time.'
The modern world gives us plenty of ways to be on time. We have calendars that remind us of an appointment with plenty of advance warning. If a friend wants to meet me for coffee, I make an entry on my calendar. Thirty minutes before coffee, the reminder goes off. Heck, if you put in the location, the calendar will even tell you what time to leave in order to make it on time. This is not hard.
I'm pretty sure those same 'time blind' people make airline flights, trains, court dates, Broadway shows, final exams, and lots of other things on time on a consistent basis.
What they are is selectively late, chiefly for those things they deem unimportant. You know, things such as lunches with friends, parties, or whatever else. Because they are too important to be bothered with such petty things such as consideration for others.
The last thing I'm going to do is accept some phony-baloney, ginned-up, pseudo-scientific rationalization for what is nothing more than complete thoughtlessness.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 10-01-2019 at 09:53 AM..
It’s interesting that no one who is chronically late has commented.
I think that when people are habitually late they send the message that they do not value your time and don’t even consider that you’re sitting around waiting on them to arrive, whenever they see fit. I have also noticed that they are not late for events that they are really interested. I think it’s extremely rude. I just left a group where the organizers were the one’s who were chronically late and not just by a little and after talking to them, realized that they saw nothing wrong with it. They think it’s fine.
Chronically late people would have to understand how their actions affect others, be sorry, and try to change. Most people, not just the chronically late people, cannot do those three things. Or perhaps, I should say many people could not.
Sort of related and it was my solution to someone who took my time for granted. Years ago, my boyfriend at the time was always chronically late and full of excuses. If he was more than 10 minutes late without calling, I would go without him or not answer my door. I thought he had learned his lesson because he was better for a while. The last straw for me was when he told me to go straight to my apartment after work because he was bringing me tacos from this new place he wanted to try.
I wasn't particularly in the mood for a taco supper but I agreed. After 30 minutes of waiting, I was furious and starving. He showed up after keeping me waiting for 45 minutes. When he rang the doorbell, I opened it, smiled, and reached out and snatched the bag of food out of his hand and said, "Thanks for dinner." I slammed my door and ignored the ringing of the doorbell and my phone.
If someone is inconsiderate enough to keep me waiting now, I have no problem pulling off without them or being unavailable. Fortunately, my husband is as punctual a person as I am and I haven't had to deal with this any longer. If my daughter was told to be downstairs in 10 minutes if she expected a ride to school and she was still poking around; she had to take the bus.
..... For those who are like me, have you ever been able to get through to a chronically late person in your life and get them to see your side and make a change for the better? Is there an hope for the chronically late? Can they change?
My mother was chronically late for everything and everybody and every event - there were no exceptions to her showing up on time for anything and nobody was ever able to get through to her how frustrated and unhappy it made other people. It seemed like mom was incapable of comprehending. But she was mother and a real sweetheart in all other ways, so we all pretty much had to put up with it on those occasions that she was invited to attend some event. But she didn't always get invited to some events where we knew her tardiness would be a serious disruption so we just didn't tell her about those events and she got left out of them.
I don't know if chronically late people can change unless maybe they're changing for someone who is extremely important to them that they don't want to ever risk offending or losing. But other than my mom, I've never socialized with one long enough to find out if they are willing to change and I don't feel it's my responsibility to try to train them. Chronically late people who are new acquaintances get 3 chances with me at the most and after that I stop issuing invitations to them and I don't accept invitations from them. I'll be cheerful and friendly enough if I see them at somebody else's event but I don't arrange to get together with them somewhere else at another time. I just don't have the patience or time to waste for the benefit of people like that.
One thing is for sure, I certainly would never employ somebody that proved their self to be a chronically late person.
The way I see it, a person being chronically late is a sign that they're being either arrogant, rude, forgetful, lackadaisical, unreliable, someone irresponsible who can't be depended on to deal with important things or make important decisions and who doesn't have much regard or consideration for other people...... or they may be a combination of all of those things.
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