Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't understand why you'd waste Any time at all! I always have Plans B,C,D & even E, so with the time that I would wait I always made full use of it. No loss at all! And then problem I'd get distracted with something, while waiting, I grew to enjoy it so much, I then prayed they'd be another hour late.
What would you do while you were waiting? Let’s say at a restaurant for someone? You’re in the lobby waiting for your friend to arrive so that the host will seat you at the table. What can you do with that time in order to not feel like it’s a waste? Personally, I’d rather be at home, not sitting in a waiting area. Can’t think of a whole lot to do.
Last edited by MissTerri; 10-03-2019 at 10:51 AM..
Of course the Oscar Wilde quote had to be brought in. He would purposely be late because you know... Principles.
Personally I don't get it either, but I was raised on the whole "on time is late". I usually show up 10 mins before the assigned time. Usually I just wait in the car, look around for a bit or just look around on the phone. I don't generally expect others to be as anal but I do appreciate when they're there when they're supposed to be. My experiences with the chronically late people generally aren't positive as the time management wasn't the only issues that popped up. With that said, there are a couple people I know that I am a lot more tolerant because I can expect this and I know they're usually trying.
My worst experience was with this couple that my husband and I knew. They pretty much were always late for every meet up, even at their own homes. We had a lot of mutual friends and it didn't seem to be an issue with them. So I don't know why they could be reliable with others but not us. We were supposed to meet up one morning to take our kids to the zoo. About 5 minutes after the designated time, we get a text from the wife saying she just can't wake her husband up, he's not out of bed, etc. Being that they live minimally 45 mins away from the zoo, I just told them that's fine, we'll just go in ourselves and that we'll see them another day. The wife was completely stunned and insisting they'll be there. Well sure enough, they got there almost 15 mins later and were apparently abled to make a stop at Burger King for a quick eat. DH and I knew then they were lying. No one can make the trip from South of Tacoma to Issaquah that quickly. They were trying to say it was because of their Subaru WRX. Ha. But that day just sucked because they were incredulously mad that we were fine going without them and they complained about every single thing. Even asked us to reimburse them for the tickets. SMH.
I always try very hard not to be late for anything, and I always have.
If they are chronically late, there's no hope.
Spoiler
I live in an area where making good friends is difficult and finding a gay boyfriend nearly impossible. Even my all-time best friend bails on me sometimes just because he's tired, and his schedule is unpredictable anyways with baseball (he can only come Saturdays or during break due to school and church). I tried to make plans with a crush but couldn't for a couple weeks due to mom being too busy to take me and not letting me drive 2hrs alone, and he deserted me before we ever got the chance. I've abandoned several friends who were controlling even though they were the only ones to show up reliably. Dad is so bad about being late that our whole family has learned to expect it, as have his friends.
Sometimes the best you can hope for is unobtrusive subsistence.
I am a punctual person yet understand that things come up and can understand when people who you’ve made plans with are a little late, up to 20 minutes, or so. However, I notice some people are always late and not just by a little. They could show up an hour or two late and barely acknowledge it. They always had some sort of trouble getting out the door, etc. One time I tried to talk to a chronically late friend about how it made me feel like she didn’t value my time when she would always come late. She didn’t get it at all and instead acted like I was expecting too much from her. Instead of pressing I just stopped making plans with her.
If you are a person who is chronically late do you ever think about how your lateness impacts the people who you are meeting? Do you ever try to change and be more punctual? Does it work? If not why? What are the barriers that make being on time or even close to on time impossible?
For those who are like me, have you ever been able to get through to a chronically late person in your life and get them to see your side and make a change for the better? Is there an hope for the chronically late? Can they change?
My husband and almost his entire family are chronically late. When we first started dating, two things happened simultaneously:
His ex, with whom he has a child, told him that he had a 15 minute window, and that she would no longer tell their son he was coming at all, so as not to get the poor boy's hopes up only to cry when daddy did not show up until after his bed time. She would turn off the porch light after a 15 minute grace period and not answer the door nor take his calls.
Around the same time, he was late to work a few times at a job where he really hurt the company if he was not on time. His boss finally gave him an ultimatum.
He started setting multiple alarms for every single event in his life:
The wake up alarm
The get dressed alarm
The I should be getting into my car now alarm
The I should be halfway to my destination alarm
etc
I don't know if "cured" is the word, but he certainly is mostly on time now, through training, though, not of his own volition. A person who is chronically late is a narcissist and they cannot train themselves out of that. Often times, it is an ADHD thing as well, which I see a lot of his family too.
A relative was in charge of the area office for a company. There were maybe 50 salesmen/warehouse workers/drivers/delivermen and ten secretaries/office workers. Now, most of the work for the salesmen/warehouse workers depended on the secretaries/office staff starting work on time as they would answer the phones to take late orders or change orders, etc. The secretaries/office staff worked 8 AM to 5PM.
It would really irk my relative when the office staff would either drive into the company parking lot at 8 AM and say that they were "on time", or drop off their coat in the coatroom at 8 AM and then go to the bathroom/fix their hair & makeup/drink a cup of coffee/etc. and wander over to their desk and phones about 8:20 or so. They considered themselves "on time".
My relative kept telling them, "Your job starts at 8 AM. That is when the phones start ringing and you need to be at your desk answering your phone & taking orders." So one day, before start time, he walked around the office and put a 10 dollar bill on each computer or phone. At, 8:01 he walked around and picked up the $10 bill from everyone who was not sitting at their desk ready to work. Some of the people in the bathroom fixing their hair or in the break room drinking coffee or in the parking lot were pretty miffed that they didn't get the $10 bonus that day. He did this on a random day every month or two and it seemed to help the punctuality of the staff. Also, chronic late comers were written up.
I am a punctual person yet understand that things come up and can understand when people who you’ve made plans with are a little late, up to 20 minutes, or so. However, I notice some people are always late and not just by a little. They could show up an hour or two late and barely acknowledge it. They always had some sort of trouble getting out the door, etc. One time I tried to talk to a chronically late friend about how it made me feel like she didn’t value my time when she would always come late. She didn’t get it at all and instead acted like I was expecting too much from her. Instead of pressing I just stopped making plans with her.
If you are a person who is chronically late do you ever think about how your lateness impacts the people who you are meeting? Do you ever try to change and be more punctual? Does it work? If not why? What are the barriers that make being on time or even close to on time impossible?
For those who are like me, have you ever been able to get through to a chronically late person in your life and get them to see your side and make a change for the better? Is there an hope for the chronically late? Can they change?
There are many underlying possibilities for chronic lateness, not the least of which could be:
1. Fear of failure (more of a self-fulfilling prophecy in the case of tardiness)
2. Cannot interpret / follow instructions (thinks numbers are mere recommendations / suggestions)
3. OCD or they absolutely MUST put their "touch" on everything. They cannot complete a task and follow a checklist. The outcome will always have their little "modification" on it. Be it a recipe, a shopping list, assembling something, and even arriving to dinner or an appointment.
Whatever the reason, if the person is not particularly close to me, I weigh my efforts against will I even see this person again in the near future to reap the benefits of what I've expended to teach them? If the answer is probably not, then it's easier just to not make plans again.
What would you do while you were waiting? Let’s say at a restaurant for someone? You’re in the lobby waiting for your friend to arrive so that the host will seat you at the table. What can you do with that time in order to not feel like it’s a waste? Personally, I’d rather be at home, not sitting in a waiting area. Can’t think of a whole lot to do.
I was thinking more of inviting people to your house for dinner. Yes, meeting at a restaurant is another issue, but, again, most people with Smartphones today and wile away time on those. I don't own a smartphone yet, haven't embraces so much of the 21st century yet.
in short- Nope! No hope to salvage their time clock.
I seriously wonder if they simply do not have a concept of "time".
Usually a person can gage the time ...such as I 've been sitting here for 20 minutes without looking at a clock. Yet ask a chronic late person and they are miffed at just how long they were sitting ....They have a broken internal clock is my guess.
I've known people like that, too. Late to work, late to meetings with co-workers, late to doctors appointments, late to dinners with friends, etc. The odd thing is that they never seemed to be late to things that they felt were "important" such as the airport when they were going on vacation, or Broadway Shows or events that they had planned.
That’s when you purposely be late on them.
I have done that. It was hard to walk around on purpose just to be late for something they felt was important just to prove a point.
“Sorry I’m late. I had to floss.”
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
