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So stay home...that just sounds like disaster waiting to happen.
But be honest with why you’re staying home.. don’t make up some lame excuse. Tell them it’s because they invited people you don’t get along with, they don’t have furniture and they invited a mix raced baby.
All of which is none of your business anyway, so staying home is the best idea.
Oh, the baby isn't here yet, but wife's sister probably flipped out, if she even cares about her adopted daughter. I certainly don't care. Of my six great nieces and great nephews, 4 are mixed race. All nice little people.
Hosts: My stepson and his wife. Some of you know from my other rants, They bought a big house that they can't furnish....two years in still only a big leather sectional and a dining table and a big TV. So the only places to sit are on the sectional, or at the dining table.
I'm not sure where else you would expect to sit. My sister has a fully furnished house, but when she has family events the only spots to sit are the big sectional or kitchen table (she doesn't have a formal dinning room). It's not like we're going to sit on her coffee table or end tables. And no one is climbing up on top of the bookcase.
But really, we don't sit around a lot. Most people end up standinng around the kitchen socializing.
Why would anyone voluntarily subject themselves to this level of drama? I'd just decline and say the best excuse that comes to mind.
Yep, I don't get it either. There is no law that says one HAS TO GO. A simple " thank you so much for the invite but we are unable to come, happy thanksgiving and have a great day" is all that needs to be said.
Yep, I don't get it either. There is no law that says one HAS TO GO. A simple " thank you so much for the invite but we are unable to come, happy thanksgiving and have a great day" is all that needs to be said.
I realize that it would only take one instance of my wife saying "You invited my sister? Thanks but no thanks", and her son won't do it again, well maybe, but she refuses to do it. Says stuff like "I'm not going to miss seeing my granddaughter" but I know she is not going to have a good time.
Both my parents are dead and don't particularly enjoy family gatherings. I am not close to my brother or sister. We don't have a bad relationship just not one that is very close.
I blame it all on my brothers wife. She calls the shots and has done so for years.. Whatever she decides we've got to go along with.
My sister agrees to go along but I won't. However, I'm not going to argue or say something that I will regret later. It's just best that I stay away.
So, I see my siblings every now and which is the way I like it.
For me it had most of my life from 15 through mid 40's, been go deer/duck/pheasant hunt in the morning, then eat too much food.
I am sorry your tradition is being up-ended this year. That doesn't seem very fair, but from here it looks like you go along to get along with your wife. Probably wise.
If you don't want to face this dinner, decline. If you can't live with a made up excuse, politely and calmly explain your reason. Make sure you are honest with yourself about what the reason actually is first. No finger pointing, rudeness, or drama. You don't need that to make your point. If you can't find a way to decline, deal. It won't kill you. Don't assume everyone else automatically knows the situation. You'd be surprised how unaware people can be.
Once my family's long standing home was broken up and various kids/siblings scattered, the annual Thanksgiving Dinner tended to be hosted by the same person each year. The rest of us had to get on planes or drive for most of a day to attend. Unfortunately this "host" was the person no one enjoyed being around for more than an hour or two. A drama queen, control freak, and enthusiastic critic. We'd all become her captive audience/target because of the travel. Some became experts at polite evasion. One of many reasons I loved living out in the remote boonies was having bad weather as an excuse to miss it. Sometimes it was the real reason. Other times not. Eventually she figured the pattern out and started confronting people. At that point all you can do is make up your mind to be honest. It is quite refreshing for everyone. Personal epiphanies can happen every day if you let them.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-10-2019 at 03:03 PM..
I'm not dreading it at all! I'll be out of the country that week. I may call and wish Mom a happy TG, but will avoid the stupid political remarks of two sisters and their husbands, as well as the rantings of a brother who never met a conspiracy theory he wouldn't embrace.
If you don't want to face this dinner, decline. If you can't live with a made up excuse, politely and calmly explain your reason. Make sure you are honest with yourself about what that is first. No finger pointing, rudeness, or drama. You don't need that to make your point. If you can't find a way to decline, deal. It won't kill you. Don't assume everyone else automatically knows the situation. You'd be surprised how unaware people can be.
Once my family's long standing home was broken up and various kids/siblings scattered, the annual Thanksgiving Dinner tended to be hosted by the same person each year. The rest of us had to get on planes or drive for most of a day to attend. Unfortunately this "host" was the person no one enjoyed being around for more than an hour or two. A drama queen, control freak, and enthusiastic critic. We'd all become her captive audience/target because of the travel. Some became experts at polite evasion. One of many reasons I loved living out in the remote boonies was having bad weather as an excuse to miss it. Sometimes it was the real reason. Other times not. Eventually she figured the pattern out and started confronting people. At that point all you can do is make up your mind to be honest. It is quite refreshing for everyone. Personal epiphanies can happen every day if you let them.
Exactly. In my case I am careful not to say anything I will regret.
My feeling is this: I didn't really enjoy being around my brother or sister even the times we got together at my mothers house for the holidays.
And these days I certainly don't want to spend the hundreds of dollars in air fair/hotel so my wife and I to attend a Christmas out of state.
When our mother passed away the bond that brought my siblings and I together was gone.
Still it is important that I don't make things worse. So, when my sister wanted my wife and I to fly over this Christmas I politely declined.
And when my sister made it a point to tell me I had to go to Vermont next year and spend a few days with her, my brother, his wife and their kids. I refused to say yes. I simply say let's talk about it next year.
It still bothers me when my mother passed away the memorial was held where my bother's wife wanted to go and not my mothers wish.
But again let me emphasize its important not to respond out of anger. Which is why I like text messaging or email. I can carefully craft my response.
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